How old is too old to have a baby - in your mind?

[winegumss]

How old is too old? Have you had a baby over 40 or more and how do you feel? Do others ever comment?

I had my first at 33 and second at 35. I am now nearly 38 and feel if i had another now it would finish me off! So for me personally I now feel I am too old to have any more. But on the other hand, I don't think I am too old if I was having my first now IYSWIM!

Theoretically at the menopause. It's there for a reason and unless it's a case of absurdly early menopause I don't see why it should be messed with.

Personally, I'm done now, and I'm 27. I wouldn't even think of it past 30, but that's down to how I wish to live my life, not the age thing.

I always knew I didn't want to be changing nappies at forty. And I won't be. My children will all be at school by the time I am big 40.

BUT if somebody who'd always wanted children was prg with their first at forty, I'd still be REALLY excited for them.

I worry too much. I fast forward allthe time to work out what age I'll be when dc2 might graduate or get married or make me a grandmother. Will I be so old I don't know what's going on around me!

agree ...up to menopause, but for me personally..not past mid 30's.

Ha but Greenelizabeth, we might be changing our grandchildren's nappies at 40 instead!!! My poor mum is 62 and she's (voluntarily I must stress) doing two days childcare a week.

All of you who are saying 'the menopause but not if it's early', what age do you mean? If it helps, it happens for most women between 45-55 with the average being 51. Where does early menopause end and normal begin? Just wondering because it seems a bit vague. Possibly because it's looming for me

I've a friend going through early menopause and she's very early thirties. However, some poor lasses go through it in their teens. Not pleasant.

Good point Spicemonster. I know it is possible for women in their twenties and thirties to have early menopause, but they are plainly not "too old".

I am uncomfortable with the idea of women having IVF post menopause when they are 45+
Of course, I may change my mind as I approach that age myself...

That's awful. I suppose I am thinking of my bf who started her menopause at 39 and it has been very hard for her, knowing she will never be pregnant. But she is adopting so hopefully it will all work out for her.

Sorry, musing here

Musing is good, not everything in life is black and white. My friend who is going thought the suspected early menopause is a little upset by it. She thought she was done with babies but when her period was insanely late with no real cause she started having 'what if?' thoughts. Now she's been told it's probably all out of her hands she's getting the odd 'bollocks!' thought.

I've had two over 40, and had absolutely no chance of having them earlier - yes, would have if I could, but couldn't.

And am hugely happy and grateful to have them now.

It totally depends on the woman, the situation (support etc), and so on...

In my early 30s I said 38 was my limit, then 40, then after more or less giving up dd1 was born when I was 43, and dd2 conceived when I was 45 (born when I was 46).

My granny is 101, my mother is 79 (and travels to France every month to see her), my other granny lived till 96....so 45 in my family doesn't seem that old.

Though it does bother me sometimes, I wouldn't be without them and hope they'll be open minded enough to deal with having older parents....

I had dd at 41 and tbh that was too old for me. Mind you I did succumb to ms at the same time, which has quite a lot to do with it! If I had stayed fit and healthy then I might have had more than just one, too!

elibean

my mum had me when she was 45, and my grand mother had her last at 47.

my mun is 80 and is as fit (if not fitter) than me! so i completely agree with you.

i had my fisrt at 18, so had finished my family by the time i was 30. of course every womans situation is different, and i think having children up to the menopause (late 40's usually) is great..and probably keeps you young!...

Think you're as old as you feel! I had my 1st at 40 and 2nd at 42. Both were unplanned!!! (Married for 13 years without birth control, so thought it wasn't possible - now am with new partner.....)

While I can appreciate the argument of being too old as children will be parentless at a younger age, my dad died when I was 16 and was 41, so no one can predict these things.

Interesting that there haven't been any comments about the FATHER'S AGE! I

To be honest I never wanted children when I was under 30 and that would be my advice to my own daughter as she got older. I wanted a career, to travel etc... I have had a really full life and can now devote myself for motherhood with no "what ifs".

I recently met a woman in the playground that was in her mid 60s who had 5 year old twins who I though were her grandchildren but were hers by assisted IVF. Her partner who was even older, died when the twins were a few months old. It was very sad and she didn't seem the most stable of people and struggling emotionally and financially.

To be honest I never wanted children when I was under 30 and that would be my advice to my own daughter as she got older. I wanted a career, to travel etc... I have had a really full life and can now devote myself for motherhood with no "what ifs".

I recently met a woman in the playground that was in her mid 60s who had 5 year old twins who I though were her grandchildren but were hers by assisted IVF. Her partner who was even older, died when the twins were a few months old. It was very sad and she didn't seem the most stable of people and struggling emotionally and financially.

Tapster, I think there will be a lot more stories like that. I think that life, and especially fertility, is a game of playing the odds. You want to maximise your chances of being around to raise your children into adulthood while emotionally and financially stable. Of course the second part of that sentence often needs to be traded off against the first! There are no nice, easy answers to this.

For me personally, any older than this (like FrannyandZooey I am 36)

I wouldn't want to comment on others - everyone has different levels of stamina. Anything past 40s is probably pushing it a bit though.

I'd like to have had my third before 35 (1st at 29, pg with 2nd now I am 31). I did (and do!) enjoy a career and a full life as well. I don't think you need to wait for late motherhood to have had that. I probably had them earlier than I would though, as husband is 11 years older and was keen to get going!

Being reading through these old posts. Im really happy to have had my first child at 17, second child at 22 and my last twins at 28 they are almost 16. I got married at 16. I am now 43 my daughter has been married for 2 years. She is now expecting. Im going to be a young grandma. I feel i have done my share of looking after children now i have time to do what i want to do. I have started university. Its never to late to study or get a job