How old is too old to have a baby - in your mind?

[winegumss]

How old is too old? Have you had a baby over 40 or more and how do you feel? Do others ever comment?

As more and more women decide to secure a career the age of 1st time parents going up though isn't it? I agree that as long as you can conceive naturally then that fine. Having said that, I wouldn't want anyone who desperately wanted babies and couldn't naturally for whatever reason not experience the joy of it all.

wot expat said

Again - another vote for 'post menopause'

As a mother, I don't know what I'd do without my mum's help, I would just fall to pieces. But if my children wait as long as me (late 30s) to have children, I'm going to be nearly 80 when they have babies? And we don't live very long in my family... So that's not ideal, I think. I think I would enjoy having grandchildren and want to be there for my daughter, so for that reason I wish I had started a lot earlier, but life's not like that, is it? You meet the right man when you meet the right man, you're ready when you're ready.

Looking forward and doing some adding up, when the baby is 21, I will be 68, son will be 46 and DD 32.
In two years we will have a teenager, a toddler and maybe a menopause....God help my husband.

Had my first at 32 and my last (2nd) at 40. I didn't feel too old at all. I look about the same age as most of the other mums when I'm collecting my current 11 year old but it has struck me that I will look old when my youngest is about 10 or 11.

If I had my time again and knew then what I knew now etc I'd have started at 25 and had 2 or 3 very quickly (pretty much as my own mother did). My mum died at 73 and I feel really really sad that I may only live to see my youngest to 33; I want longer, much longer with her . Whatever age I die at, I feel I could have had another 10-12 years if I'd known better.

I had dd, my first/only, at 41 - and I think I'm a MUCH better mum because I was older. And I can't say I've found it exhausting anyway, so that hasn't been an issue for me.

I must admit I find it a bit strange that people think over 40 is too old! And dh is now 50 and has a 5 year old and I don't see anything "unfair" in that.

Only because they are not 40 yet Sufermum - oh the naivety of youth!

when your body says no naturally. (discounting early menopause though, as some poor girls go through that in their teens )

That must be it! I'm sure I thought I'd be well over the hill at 40 when I was in my 20's - cozy slippers and watching Emmerdale, not staggering home from the wine bar with my bra on my head .

I don't have an opinion on what other people should do, it is a personal choice.

Personally, I have not hung about having this, my last baby as I didn't want to be too far past 40 before getting back into my studio.

I would have preferred to have conceived my first child,and hence had all my children about five years earlier, but it wasn't viable with DH having to retrain for new career.

I'll be just short of 38 when this baby is born.

MY PIL had my DH and BIL when in their 40's and they are now in their late seventies and early eighties, and unable to be as active with their grandchildren as they would have liked.

Whereas my parents, now in their 80's, are still very fit and active and have been able to look after dd for me on the days I work - they had her for a full day yesterday.

DH insisted we had our kids by age 30 (which we did).

I think over 45 for me.

Quite so. My parents in law were very fit and healthy, but a number of factors have conspired against them. MY MIL has had cancer and my FIL has lost his short term memory through a subdural haematoma. Not so much to do with age perr se, but their recoveries from these medical issues have affected by their age..it's very sad.

My nana was a real livewire but developed alzhimers two years after retirement. Life has no guarantees.

I meant really that the fact that we left having a family until a bit later and they had left it until later too has affected things.

Worrying about your age and fitness as a parent is one thing - but worrying about the age and fitness of grandparents strikes me as bizarre. Fit and helpful grandparents are a bonus that many parents, old and young, manage without.

Absolutely Acinonyx!

I had my 3rd at 41.

It was a fab pg, I felt great and sailed through it. I've coped better with the sleepless nights than with the other 2, and i simply don't feel old. (When i catch sight in the mirror I'm shocked).

I do feel an obligation to take extra care with my health and fitness so I can be around as long as possible. I feel very optimistic.

In answer to OP, as others have said, post-menopause. I think nature knows what she's up to.

You are taking this as a criticism of older parents, aren't you? Don't. That was not what I was talking about.
I was merely putting forward my own personal experience of how the age the two generations had children has affected the family dynamics.

And actually, I do worry about the health of my PIL, I love them very much, but their age was not a consideration as to when I had my family. I am glad they are around to have met their grandchildren, though.

It really depends on the individual imo.

Pinky - I have seen people really make this a major argument though which I think is weird. Of course it would be nice - I myself would like to be a spritely grandmother but that is somewhat unlikely.

My parents aren't that fussed about grandchildren. I would have valued my nana's opinion on many things as I grew up, but sadly it was not to be.
My MIL does talk whistfully of how much involvement she had with our nieces, but it can't be helped, can it?

I wasn't fortunate enough to get pg(through to fruition)until I was 33, so at 34 I had my first. I was almost 43 when I had Dd and my Dp was 49, we didn't plan her. He had a medical last month and was told he has the body of a 35 yo. Lucky him! I'm sure that I do not! but I know that I'm lucky enough to be aging very well and although I sometimes feel extremely old(which is through illness)I know I can fade well into the background of 30 something women and not stick out too much!
I also worry about dying young(ish)and not being around for my Dc's well into established adulthood and I too am from a family of women that die young.
I believe that women should stop having babies at about 48 - 50 and certainly don't feel that IVF on 55, 60 year old women is fair on a child to be,, but that's easy to say because I have my babies...

I was 42 when I had my last. I don't think I was too old, but now I'm in my 50's and I've rediscovered sleep I wouldn't want to do it all again. Most comments I've had have been positive ones.

Now I am over 50, I find it a bit odd to meet women who are younger than me but whose children have all flown the nest. Even more bizarrely, I'm convinced they all look older than me but that's probably just me being self-delusional.

I must admit, the fact I'll share much less of dd's life than of my older dc's (there's a 21yr age gap) makes me but it's not something I dwell on too much. A bigger drawback is having to deal with a baby and elderly parents at the same time. My dad was nearly 50 when I was born so by the time I had dd2 he was about 90 and died when she was two.