How old is too old to have a baby - in your mind?

[winegumss]

How old is too old? Have you had a baby over 40 or more and how do you feel? Do others ever comment?

I was bloody knackered when I was pg at 34

however two of my best friends had babies at 42 and they are among the best mums I know

it's odd, isn't it - my mum was really against me having a baby past 35 (I don't want anymore anyway), yet her own mother had her - first and only child - at 38

so if the world had stuck to her own rules she wouldn't even have been born

I think as long as your body is up for it, it's fair game. After all we didn't even have contraception a few decades ago. Nature decided when the game was up then - why do we think we are cleverer than nature?

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My parents weren't old - but they never played football, climbed trees, couldn't swim. I don't think that generation were much into actually playing with their children.

I think most of us didn't really plan to have children late. Weighing up the pros and cons is very sensible if you are younger and actually have the choice but once you are older - but I don't see the cons as so serious that you would not have children once you were older (if you see what I mean).

I know someone who had a child because their dh was terminally ill. That makes me uncomfortable. I read posts all the time where it seems people are ttc in dreadful situations. We all have our comfort zones and probably less than half of us would be universally acknowledged as being just the right kind of parents in all respects.

43. Especially if your last pregnancy ended up with pre-eclampsia, and your gp ringing up to see if you wanted a test for down's syndrome.

Actually I think everyone who wants to have childrne should be made to have them by IVF - that would your resolve at any age!

Maybe I'm run for office and bring it in as a law.

depends entirely on whether we are talking about a first baby , or a seventh.
if a woman can conceive a baby naturally at 55, then who are we to say she cant be a mother?
but, if a woman has already gone through natural menopause, then questions start arising in my mind.

that would test your resolve at any age

After 4 fresh and 3 FET IVf cycles - I totally agree with you Kewcumber!

You can be my deputy prime-minister Acinonyx!

I had a surprise baby last year,after a 21 year break,I was 42.I have enjoyed being a mummy again so much that I want to try for just one more.I don't feel too old and incidentally my first grandchild was born the day before my daughters first birthday and we all think it's wonderful.

Lily - my mum's youngest Aunt was two years older than her. It really wasn;t that uncommon in the days of much larger families. Women quite commonly kept having childrne until the menopause - I think this idea that mothers should be in their 20's must be a relatively recent thing.

Up to natural menopause if you feel fit.

I think the age and fitness question is going to differ enormously from family to family. Some people stay young in their fifties, others become old round about the age of 35.

Of my SILs, the one who had her first aged c. 45 is still a very active person now he's a preteen and I can't see her slowing down any time soon.

My other SIL who had had all hers by her mid-thirties had subsided in front of the television by the time she hit 40; in fact, I can't remember ever seeing her running around with them.

My FIL who became a father in his late fifties was still an active and alert man in his eighties and wouldn't have been an embarrassment to any teenager. Or yes, well he would, but not through any lack of joie de vivre iyswim.

personally I think it's the same for men and women regardless of menopause...but it does depend on your quality of life, past experiences etc...

I'm 25 with 1st baby on the way, always thought I'd be 28-30 but more and more glad that I'm young because people in my family and DH's family don't last long until they get physical or mental health problems (normally 50's-60's), and I'm really looking forward to having a whole new lease of life with DH at a relatively young age when our children have flown the nest

my parents are about to be grandparents for the 1st time aged 50 and it's brilliant them being so young and able...my grandma died this year having had alzeihmers for 10 years (started when she was 62) and it's been hard enough for my mum to cope with as an adult, I can't begin to think how awful it would be if she'd still been a teenager.

Personally I'd want to be 35 at the very latest, but don't see it as weird any older than 45 for others (dependant on health etc)...am also very aware I'm incredibly lucky to have met DH at a young age so I have the choice of being a younger mum

oh, that's a tricky question.
TBH, I don't think it's ideal to wait until you're in your 40s, but that's primarily for morbid reasons - my mum died last year, she was only 58 and had been fit, active and healthy with no hint of any illness until 10 months prior to her death. The risk of serious illness does increase quite a lot in a woman's 50s, and I do feel some measure of comfort that a) my mum got to see me grow up and have children and b) should anything happen to me at that age, at least all of mine will be fully grown (I had my children in my early 20s).

I know life isn't often ideal etc., and that many women who have children later in life didn't choose to wait so long. But when I heard a 56 yr old woman talking on the radio about her's and her husband's desperate search for an egg donor, I was extremely She kept reiterating that she felt so young and was so healthy - all I could think was "well, that's how my mum felt just a few months ago, love!".

I would love to know how many mother say over 38 (compltely random choice there) "chose2 to wait to have their children. I don't know any one who wouldn't given the choice have had them earlier (in my case ideally 30's, tried for all my 30's fertility treatement staretd at 35, still not a mother until 41) but I assume there must be some women who do choose to wait.

i think that while you can have kiddies unaided by science then crack on but once you have menopause it is your bodys way of saying that you are past it and your body could not deal with it. i think egg donors is wrong past menopause.
but then i am pregnant with dc2 at 30 and saw a grey hair and thought i was too old!

I know plenty of older mums and not one was through choice. I do know people who chose not to ttc until early 30s - but no-one who actually chose to start ttc later than 33. Most of us married late and/or had fertility problems. We are emotionally and financially much more stable though. I never was much on running around and being sporty - even at 20 - but I yield a mean glue stick...

I do worry about my future health. But not so much that I think dd should not have been born. I nursed both my parents at home through terminal cancer as an only child. So I have some ideas about how to plan ahead and try to lighten the burden.

It really does depend on the individual imo. As a general rule I would say menopause (normal menopause age obv). But having said that, my Mum had my sister at 42 when she already had three teenage children. Dsis was a surprise baby and is wonderful and fabulous, but I feel sad for some aspects of her life particularly because our dad died when she was a baby and my Mum is very old fashioned and has health problems. Now that my brothers and I have all left home my sister at 16 lives with someone who is just about to become a pensioner and is hardly a sprightly young pensioner at that. Their holidays are city breaks which my sister enjoys but she would love a beach holiday or camping or whatever, something young and fun, which my Mum doesn't have the health or the inclination to do. Dsis's friends get taken to pop concerts and she goes to the theatre - again she enjoys that but feels she is missing out on the younger stuff.

My point is that it doesn't matter how old you are but your outlook on life is really important. It's the generation gap rather than the age gap that should be considered.

I plan to make my teenage nephew take DS to ppop concerts (it never was my thing even as a teen). You have to delegate people, delegate!

Lilliepie, just like me! I have a 20 year gap.
I have made some lifestyle changes ie gave up smoking, cut down drastically on drinking, eat healthily, want to be fit and healthy for my ds.
I am 40, I don't feel it. If I was wealthy and didn't have to work then I would have another one.

Interesting point about generation gap, Tigerfeet.

lol @ delegate

something my Mum seems unable to do

My brothers and I make a big effort to do things with dsis that Mum can't/won't do but we none of us live in the same town and it's difficult.

she is giving my dsis the childhood she wanted rather than the one dsis wants - a whole nother thread I reckon

Tiger we are off on holiday at christmas with extened multigenerational family - from my mum at 69 down through the middle agers teeagers and DS at 3 (then). We have picked a holiday that we think will give everyone a good time. I do think that you need to try to accomodate what your child needs but then I think thats not an age thing. I'm hoping to steer DS towards rugby rather than Football because I like rugby and can't abide football but tbh if he shows a particular prefernce or aptitude for football I'd trudge along every week if necessary.

I would love to do that Kewc but dh won't countenance it

Dsis would be far happier coming on holiday with us (with or without the rest of the family) than she is going away with just Mum.

Oh god I can feel a dh rant coming on... he is just so goddam insular, he doens't seem to think that I need to consider the rest of my family as well as him and dd. Arghhhhhhh.