How old is too old to have a baby - in your mind?

[winegumss]

How old is too old? Have you had a baby over 40 or more and how do you feel? Do others ever comment?

suedonim,, your family are lovely!

If I was being objective I'd say menopause.

If I was saying for me personally, I think 35-40 is pushing it.

Very personal & it's interesting reading everyone's views.

I wanted kids young, was desperate for a baby as soon as I got married at 26. DH wanted to wait, then we had a few years TTC so I've had my kids 8-10 years older than I wanted. It's turned out fine but it means that I see myself as an "older" mum even though loads of people have babies at my age.

I had my 3 boys between the ages of 37 and 41. I didn't feel any worse at 41 than I did at 37, although I had two toddlers as well. Lots of comments from parents about the risk we were taking having another child at over 40, but it was something we wanted so we went ahead.

I had my last at 40 and I don't feel like that was at all too old for me.
Too old for me would probably be post-menopause.

I wouldn't want to judge what's right for other women or even society. At a push I'd say maybe about 60 because I can't fathom a woman's body being up for it at that age -- probably my failure of imagination rather than any strong biological basis (assuming donor eggs).

Keep in mind that men can still become dads into their 90s, which people raise eyebrows about but not half as judgementally as when women incubate in their late 30s-40s. And many people end up raising their grandchildren whether they want to or not, and nobody would judge them and say they shouldn't be allowed.

Babies are born to less than ideal parents all the time, I can't see that advanced maternal age is that much worse than if the parents are poor, ill-educated, non-professionals, have a family history of undesirable health conditions, etc.

In terms of other people - I think that anything up to the natural age of menopause (so about 50). It's really up to them!

For me - I would worry about having another child after this one because I'm getting on a bit (although not close to 50, honest!) and the chances of things going wrong does go up. If anything happened to DD or this DB (am PG right now) then I would probably consider TTC again though.

If it's a natural pregnancy then any age really although the thought of having babies whilst edging towards fifty would make me shudder.

For me personally I didn't want to have any babies after 30

For me personally, I am done after this one at 34. However, if I had a bigger house, more money, more help, and better health, I would have more up to my early 40s I think.

Generally though, up to menopause is normal...isn't that the point of menopause?

i am nearly 40 and would love another baby. sorry to hear so many of you think i am over the hill. perhaps you're right and that is why i only have one child.

God now for me (42)

I had ds at 43 - I don't think I've ever had any comments about my age, positive or negative. Not even from the medical people. Although my gp,who we know socially, and who is only a year or so older than me and whose youngest child was leaving for university 5 months before ds was due couldn't get his head round the idea at all - I think he was worried that I would give his wife ideas1

I don't think that having children early so that you can go out for a night on the town with them when they are 18 is a good enough reason to do it before you are ready! Seems like quite a trite reason to be against older parents.

I agree though that menopause is nature's way of saying you couldn't cope with a baby now.

I find at 27 that I am at a funny age as a first-time mum, most of the mums around here are either a bit older or a bit younger than me. That's said DH is 42, so how old is too old for a father is a whole different ball game isn't it?!

My easiest pg (physically) by far was my last - at 42/43. He is nearly 6 months old and I have just turned 44. I am naturally quite energetic and certainly have more oomph than my 18 yr old dd. Tis all a state of mind. Had my first at 24; little yummy ds is my last!

Had my first at 25, that should read....

Cherie Blair has a lot to answer for. I'd decided that DS3 was probably my last, although DH wanted at least one more. Then CB got pregnant at 46 which just gave DH ammunition against my argument that I was too old to have another one. I stuck to my guns though, mainly because the gap between DS3 and any subsequent child would have been greater than between the others and I couldn't face doing the school run and playground bit for more years than absolutely necessary!

I had my 4 at 25, 27, 29 and 30. I think it depends on whether it's your first or last. In my head 35 is about the limit for your first and 40 for your last......40 is too old for the first (in my head).

Then you need to take into consideration how old your partner is aswell. My DH was 30, 32, 34 and 35 and was adament he was not having anymore kids when he was approaching 40 so we got cracking

also wanted to add that the younger you have your kids the more likely it is you'll get to spend lots of time with your grandchildren and they will have memeories of you.

agree with post-menopause

of course, menopause does come earlier to childless women but I suppose that is nature as well - women with children understand better what they are letting themselves in for

It's because if you're pregnant yo're not releasing eggs, so you won't run out as quickly.

Maybe.

My personal view is that it should be the general menopausal age that is used though, not a woman's own menopause. Because some women do have an early menopause and I don't think that they should be denied fertility treatment because of that.

Agree, Mrs TM

The odd thing about human females is not menopause - but the fact that we live so long after it. Most mammals just pop their clogs at the end of their reproductive life. There is a theory that our post-reproductive life spans were selected for because of the help that grandmothers gave in rearing children and reducing child mortatlity.

As for nature's message. Until recently, women would generally have been bearing children continuously from early adulthood onwards and menopause really would have signalled a much needed physical respite. That is no longer true now though. We are, in many welcome respects, a long way from living the natural life of prehistoric women.

Just something to think about.

Just had a think about this, and in retrospect it's quite funny that we all seem to have quite a specific age in our own heads about how late we would be willing to have children.

I really should know better, partly because DH and I have found out many, many times, that you never know how you will feel in a specific situation until you're actually there (we did that with fertility treatment, by the way "oh no, we're not doing that" - and guess how we conceived both times ). And partly because I went to my counsellor to discuss my fear of childbirth yesterday, and I told her that the doctors were so concerned about my future fertlity (and risks of CS) and that I didn't care because we were so lucky to have DD and this PG and it was so unlikely that I would conceive again anyway. And then she asked me how I would feel if we lost DD or the DB. And of course, she's right.

For other people - the menopause. For me? I feel done at 37. Have 3 though and all broodiness has departed (having been there from early 20's until ds3 was born when I was 34).

MrsMouse - I definitely didn't think we would try again after I turned 40. Absolutely not. Time to move on. Then at 42 we changed our minds and at 43 dd arrived. I would definitely have another one now, at 46, if it were possible. It is indeed very hard to be certain about these things.