Is 35 too old to have a baby?

[Poodlezzz]

Thinking energy wise, health issues, not having a huge multi generational age gap as they grow, being an old grandparent, and other practicalities….

No way too old! I had my first at 37 and my second three weeks ago at 39 and I feel great! My energy with my toddler has always been sky high and I’ve recovered very quickly after the second one. Tbf all the points you mentioned can be true but for the positive side - I’m a much better person now than I was 10 years ago in terms of patience, empathy, understanding etc which has definitely come into play since I’ve been a parent, I’ve never really lost my shit as I’m a much calmer person than the hot head I used to be! Also my career is much more established, my savings net, my house is bigger and nicer and I’ve got all my partying days out the way so I love nothing more than being at home with my children. So all in all the positives much outweighed the negatives for me!

That’s so rude, my mum was 20 when she had me with no qualifications, married to a vet, and went on to be DSL and senior leader at a special school!

I had my third at 37 and have always kept fit. Ran 6 days a week until I went in to labour, back running two weeks later. We keep fairly busy as a family which I think helps keep things interesting and in the habit of staying active. The women in my family have been known to live long active lives (dancing on chairs at parties until their late 80s). I waited until I completed my doctorate to marry and have children.

ETA: My grandmother had her 6th at 35 and my mother had her 5th at 41. I do not plan on having any more!

I had mine at 34 and 37 and while I wish I had been younger so I have younger with them, I've not noticed any real impact on energy or health issues. Yes I'm tired but anyone would be with 2 under 3!

I really don't recognise myself or any of my friends of a similar age when i read of the hoardes of people on here who the minute they turn 35 have a plethora of health issues and are collapsing with exhaustion. I work full time and have 2 under 3 and yes I'm tired but no more so than I was before or 10 years ago. I'm certainly able to live a life, I'm not dying of exhaustion and all my friends are the same. If you're energy levels are that dire at 35, I'd suggest some medical intervention.

If you haven't had children and you are 35 and want them, no it isnt too late.

If you are younger than 35 and wondering whether to have them now or wait until 35, have them when you are younger for the reasons you listed.

I am an older mum and while its okay and normal to have a baby at that age and older, the reality of your age increasing as the child's does (so it sounds obvious but at 45 they'll only be 10 and so on) is not to be forgotten. I wish id had mine younger.

Why does that matter?

Is this too old to have a ten year old ? It does seem so…. Well into middle age etc

My mum was that age when I was 10 and it was perfectly OK.

Women have been having babies in their mid-late 30s for hundreds of years. There would have never been any pressure or guilt or shame placed on women for whatever age they had a child then, it's only in recent times that society has placed an "acceptable" age on women having children.

We're living longer anyway and there's research to show women who have kids later live longer too.

Same as PP just said, my mum was this age when I was 10. She had children at a very average age, starting at 27, finishing at 35. I never thought I had an older mum or anything, because I didn't. Even more so now, when the average age of a first time mum is in their 30s.

I had my only at 36 and am now almost 39. I'm not going to lie, I've got much less energy than I did even in early 30's but It's more than ok for most women

Really?? I had my first at 36 and second at 43. I’m now in my 50’s, and can run rings round the much younger mums at school!

I’m 52 with a 9 year old. I don’t see the problem

I also think it’s rude to imply that 35 is too old to have a baby. You are also talking about a different time. Could you have no qualifications now and later in life get your GCSE’s, a’level’s, degree, PGCE after children??

Of course it’s not too old my mum was 39 having me . People saying older women having babies shouldn’t be “normalised” are perhaps a bit thick because women having babies at this age is not new at all. Before contraception what do they think happened.

Of course not! I had my nearly 7 year old at 34 and I’m totally fine.

I should bloody hope not. 35 here and just trying for my first.

Exactly. If women are having children during their reproductive years whatever their age, then I don't know it isn't anything but "normal".

There seems to be very narrow perimeters on MN about acceptable ages to have children. You've got to have them at the right age so you're not an old mum, so that you're not too old a grandparent, so that your parents arent too old either and so that you're kids aren't too young to be your carers when you're older or too young when you die.

Life isn't perfect or ideal and doesn't operate within these black and white areas. None of us have crystal balls to accurately predict any of the above.

Yeah but you was around 26/27. There is a difference and I mean that kindly. I'd likely be 35+ too if I had another so I dont mean that in a funny way.

Sorry just re read what you put. My mistake!

How funny that's your assumption. Only chavs that have children young hey? Nice class assumption. I have a degree. Done 2 masters modules (not that any of that matters much, but seeing as you asked and all) married at 25. 2 children by 28. Homeowner. Hope that helps. Family was my priority and I'm damn glad it was .

Yes ancient 🙄

I've answered this and shock horror: I don't fit into the low class uneducated chav bracket that that particular poster was hoping I would.

This is what I hate about Mumsnet, it's full of middle class snobbery and elitism. I'm middle class (if you like ) by "wealth" and education. But I do indeed have working class roots , so can luckily see that "career" (despite the irony of having one ) is not everything in life.

Call me sad, call me cheesy and sentimental, but my children are my everything. Motherhood is by far the most rewarding thing I've done (and I enjoy my chosen career) but after a near death experience, I hold very dear what really matters to me : and that's family. So much more important than stuffy elitist academic modules and waiting until 40+ to have kids (which is somewhat of a competitive snobbery on Mumsnet to prove how high up the class chain you are )

To be honest , I think it's a travesty that motherhood is seen as the lowest priority on here. But then we're seeing the results of that in the subsequent adults that are emerging in society. Mostly bought up by other people and "activitied" through childhood in a nice hands off sterile manner.

Agree with some of what you are saying, there is a lot of judgement on mumsnet for both younger and older mums. However just because you had kids young it doesn’t mean you are a better mum because you “prioritised” family by having children in your 20s. That’s not how it works. Some people don’t meet the right person until later.
And I went to a childminders in the 80s because both my parents had careers so I don’t think of it as a “travesty” . It did me and my sibling no harm. You are also very judgy in your comments.

What a question. Of course not. Even 45 you could still consider having a baby. 35 is not old to have a baby at all.

My brother and his wife were 48 and 43 when their son was born. It certainly is tiring, but they are fit (marathon running fit) and enjoy having a youngster around.

Perhaps me being "judgy" was a direct response to the "judgy" comment made by a poster that I must of course must lack a degree and be clearly not middle class 🙄