Unfortunately can’t go on holiday because of cruise lines policy

[CAMO1984]

Hi all,

just wanted other peoples opinions please as it’s really getting to me.
So a cruise was booked for my dads partners 70th all paid for by him as he wanted us all to go, which was extremely generous from the start.
A few days ago we found out I can no longer go as will be 24 weeks pregnant and the cruise line won’t accept pregnant ladies at 24 weeks pregnant or more.
Very upset and disappointed by the news but stated my partner and our son along with my 2 girls from a previous relationship could all still go which only leaves me missing out.
Partner then states he wouldn’t be taking our 2 year old son as he would be too much hassle and wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself and relax, his he grandad who paid for the holiday also agrees with this. I am very upset and saddened that my little boy would be such an inconvenience to them.
Also to add to this my father in law decides to invite his friends instead which also means my girls missing out too. I know he paid for all this so it’s his decision but still upsetting to let them down.
So basically now my partner is still going, along with his father in law, wife and his friends and me, my son and my girls are left at home on a holiday we were supposed to go on.
Am I being unreasonable to kick up a fuss about this? How would other people feel?

Thank you in advance

Yanbu to think that your partner should have been willing to take your son with him. With one parent going and the other not going, it is inevitable that one will have to look after the child single handedly for that period, and there is no real reason for that it should be you, not him. Personally, I wouldn't have wanted my dc to go without me in those circumstances, but yanbu to feel differently.

I think yabu with regard to your girls, though. It's fair enough not to want to be responsible for someone else's child on holiday.

What do you think would happen out of interest? I can't see it would make any difference to the medical care. I suppose they might sue her if they can prove she lied. I wouldn't risk it personally.

I totally agree

No, if you read the OP’s posts she clarifies that her daughters are teenagers and from a previous relationship albeit she has been with her partner for 10 years so I imagine they know everyone well.

@CAMO1984 it’s really unfortunate but it seems that the vibe of the holiday changed when you were unable to go and it’s now changed from a family trip to a mates trip. Did anyone actually address the possibility of the girls going anyway and what is their relationship with your DP like?

That’s such a shame. My DH coped fine with our 1 year old and 3 year old on a cruise. My dad babysat some days on the cruise with them too. BIL has taken his child on a cruise every year until the child was about 7.

I wouldn’t want to look after a two year old on a ship. Nor would I want to take two teenagers who aren’t related to me. Where would they sleep?

You cant really exspect fil and cancell, but your partner is a selfish prick. There is no way my DH would go on a family holiday without me and kids. We used to go on family holidays with inlaws untill it became clear i was only invited for chidcare then we stopped going.

I don't think I would have children with a man I didn't think could supervise a two year as well as I could - in any circumstance.

@violetpughit’s not about sides, I just wanted peoples opinions that’s all.
I have just lost my own dad recently to cancer so of course I wouldn’t want my partner to miss out on quality time and have the memories to share. Its just very disappointing for my older girls to now miss out and my partner to not even want to take is own son is quite upsetting that’s all. I would have loved to have gone, loads on the ship for kids of all ages can do .

Agree with TealSapphire, a two year old on a cruise will be a nightmare, you will never be able to take your eyes off him for a second. The potential to fall, get lost or worse will be non stop. Cruise ships are full of stairs and it’s not safe. We took DS on the ferry to the Isle of Wight when he was 2 and all he wanted to do was run around and go up and down the stairs.

God posters here are melodramatic. I wouldn’t want to take a two year old and two stepkids on a cruise without any support either!

It’s unfortunate timing OP but wish FIL a good time, ask your partner when you’re getting a spa break, and suck it up. You chose to have four kids.

You have a partner problem not a FIL problem.

Basically, your partner won’t take responsibility for his own child and sees childcare as your responsibility.

The fact that FIL was willing to pay for your DDs originally suggests he sees them as part of the family which is lovely. He either assumed your DDs wouldn’t want to go without you or more likely, your partner said “oh no, none of them will be coming now” and that’s why FIL re-allocated the spaces…..

I’d be annoyed about him not wanting to take the 2 year old but I think it’s a bit cheeky (to say the least) that he should be footing the bill for your 2 children if you’re not going.

Ideally I’d make him take the 2 year old but given it’s a cruise I wouldn’t just because it’s so dangerous to let a small child with a parent who might half ass it in the middle of the sea.

Just take the loss for what it is, stay home with your children and then later on book yourself a holiday/weekend away.

Were you expecting your teen daughters to share a cabin with your DP?

YANBU, that's awful. I could understand worries about the 2 year old. Looking after a 2 yo on a cruise with 2 other children to look after would be really difficult. Excluding your girls is really cruel though.

the OPs partner was happy to take this risk when he thought she would be there to keep an eye on him…….

And people saying you’re “The Childcare” well duh, you’re the parent! Are you expecting your elderly in-laws to be mucking in with two teenage girls and a toddler when they are supposed to be celebrating a 70th?

It was a very generous offer, and it’s a shame it’s not possible. That’s all.

Two teenage girls without a parent around, especially in sole care of a toddler, would be a nightmare on a cruise.

Think this is maybe a bit unfair on the older 2 kids really. They’d have been fine together going along. Think the girls may resent your DP for that going forward.
and a bit unfair on you, you could have stayed with 2 yr old at home and had some quality time together while everyone else was away

Unfortunately you don’t have all the information until after the children arrive.

I saw 3 little children wandering down them by the river recently and I thought to myself ‘I bet you anything that’s a man looking after them’ sure enough I saw my neighbour sauntering along a few minutes later. And in his defence, they were his own and his sisters children and he is a brilliant dad. Men are just more laid back then women in general and don’t see dangers as quickly as women do (in my experience)

Add in an 22 hour buffet, all inclusive drinks and a 7 day family party, even before it being a cruise ship sailing on the ally ally oh, no I would not let my children go without me.

I wouldnt take a bunch of kids and a 2 year old on a cruise as a solo parent. I would be worried about them going overboard. I also don't know why you would want to be stuck at sea while pregnant.

Why is your DH still going though?? Surely he should not be going on a cruise with your family leaving you at home pregnant with the kids. Why is he not giving up his ticket to another friend of the family.

I don't see that your partner has really done anything wrong. It is very disappointing, but it is what it is. I think it's a little bit mean that your FIL replaced your daughters with his friends, but as he is footing the entire bill, I don't really think there's much you can say. I don't think that your partner should refuse to go, after all, it is his father's birthday. Maybe you and your partner could save up for a holiday just for your nuclear family, for when the baby is one or so.

Children. The OP , who is 24 weeks pregnant will be looking after three children.

And assuming the partner has used up their holiday allocation for the summer that will be it for the childrens holiday, unless of course the OP wants to take them away somewhere, on her own……

Presumably it would be split between the two of them and they’d enjoy the cruise differently. If it’s only one parent there’s no splitting, so I can sort of see the issue.

I wouldn’t want to be solely responsible for a 2 year old on a cruise tbh.

You're being unreasonable.

The cruise is paid for by FIL. Since you aren't going, your girls aren't going because they likely don't want young teens along without a parent or guardian to supervise and be there in case of anything happening like illness.

Your son is two. How much would he enjoy a cruise and how much would it cut into your partner's time to spend with his dad on a significant birthday? A lot. Total care of a two year old on a ship is tough. Plus, you don't know how he would handle being on a ship. This cruise is for FIL.

Your partner's family was very generous and it's too bad you're missing out due to pregnancy but expecting all the kids to go without you, no. Yes, you were going to be doing much of the childcare for your youngest and parenting your older girls.