Unfortunately can’t go on holiday because of cruise lines policy

[CAMO1984]

Hi all,

just wanted other peoples opinions please as it’s really getting to me.
So a cruise was booked for my dads partners 70th all paid for by him as he wanted us all to go, which was extremely generous from the start.
A few days ago we found out I can no longer go as will be 24 weeks pregnant and the cruise line won’t accept pregnant ladies at 24 weeks pregnant or more.
Very upset and disappointed by the news but stated my partner and our son along with my 2 girls from a previous relationship could all still go which only leaves me missing out.
Partner then states he wouldn’t be taking our 2 year old son as he would be too much hassle and wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself and relax, his he grandad who paid for the holiday also agrees with this. I am very upset and saddened that my little boy would be such an inconvenience to them.
Also to add to this my father in law decides to invite his friends instead which also means my girls missing out too. I know he paid for all this so it’s his decision but still upsetting to let them down.
So basically now my partner is still going, along with his father in law, wife and his friends and me, my son and my girls are left at home on a holiday we were supposed to go on.
Am I being unreasonable to kick up a fuss about this? How would other people feel?

Thank you in advance

It’s a shame but I think it’s the right decision for you to stay at home with all three children. Sounds like it’s not going to one a particularly child-focused trip so it would be awkward for everyone and probably a bit miserable for them to attend. Also do your girls really want to go on a trip with your partner’s dad’s friends? Sounds a bit shit for them.

Plan something nice to do instead.

Not cruel to exclude two children who no longer have a parent who is able to travel with them.

It's disappointing for them, of course, but sometimes life is disappointing. It is unreasonable to expect a bunch of unrelated adults to take responsibility for two teenage kids on holiday if their parents can no longer go.

@CAMO1984 I do understand how upsetting it all is, that due to your pregnancy, the only person who can now go on a generous, paid for holiday, is your partner, but I don't think anyone is really wrong for the decisions that have been made.

A 2 year old on a cruise ship would be a nightmare, even if both parents were with them, to spread the load and take turns. Also, unless you have a cabin with a window/ balcony it will be horrible for whoever is having to stay in the room when the 2 year old is in bed. I don't think your DP was being at all unreasonable to say he didn't want to take him on his own, since you can't go with them.

Your other children are not your DP's children too, so he will probably, have no legal authority at all, should something happen while on the holiday. Unless he has been granted Parental Responsibility rights? If they were to go on the Cruise, these are things you would need to check? If your daughters' Father is in the picture, you will need to get his permission for your DP to take them on the Cruise without you too. You could have taken them for up to 28 days without their Father's permission if you were with them, but your DP can't unless he has PR or has been granted permission by you and their birth Father. There will be issues too if the surnames of your daughters are not the same as DPs on their passports.

So it sucks, but it's one of those things I would say.

FFS why don’t people READ THE FUCKING POST!

it is HER father’s partner, so her partner is going on holiday with his FIL leaving her at home with 3 kids and pregnant.

I would tell your partner if he goes to not fucking come back.

arsehole.

@ClearlyAGiraffethey are with their step dad and they had their own cabin next to ours x

No you can’t kick up a fuss about a holiday that you are in no way financially contributing to.

But you can kick up a fuss with your partner. He doesn’t sound like a good sidekick.

I think your title is misleading as none of this is the fault of the cruise line. It's just one of this things for your teenagers, but your partner does seem quite useless if he's incapable of looking after his own toddler.

I think it is unreasonable your DH wont take his son. I understand not taking your girls but his own son is a bit unreasonable.

I'd be having a serious work with my DH if he didn't take his own child purely for on the basis that he couldn't relax. You can't opt out of parenting when you chose or when a better deal comes along.

I get its a 70th birthday but come on, take your own child if anyone. Why would you leave your pregnant wife at home to deal with 3 kid while you swan off on a jolly. For me it would be take your son or you don't go.

Edit to add: I'm quite relaxed normally about my DH going away etc. Everyone is allowed their own time but this isn't one of those situations as originally you were going.

Well, as they say - when someone shows you who they are, listen.

No it’s her partners father. She made a mistake and couldn’t edit the original post so it was an easy mistake to make.

Her partners father is 70, it’s his party, and his family.

Not her family at all.

Tbh, I think the best place for the 2 year old is at home. I wouldn’t take my own 2 year old on a cruise if I were away from my dh. To be stuck as Billy No Mates with a toddler while everyone else does activities will be no fun where he has everything familiar at home.

@deckchaironnabeach
FFS why don’t you read the fucking updates?!

We looked at cruising and decided against it. Yeah a cruise with a 2 year old will be hell. 2 year olds cant do much apart from soft play and there is loads of eating and drinking, late night shows, busy pool, loads of people everywhere.
The teens you still couldnt keep your eye off them.
I just read it is your partners family, tbh I think the best thing is for him to go and spend time with his dad. Its shame but tbh i reckon you would have had a shit time. You cant drink, you would be following the 2 year old around trying to keep them entertained, 2 teens to chaperone on things the 2 year old couldnt do. Someone would have to go to bed early and be stuck in the cabin with the 2 year old. Teens would be winging.
Cruising with multiple kids of differing ages while pregnant even with two parents does not sound like fun at all.

I went to Egypt when I was about 24 weeks pregnant (the limit was about 28 weeks for flying I think). No-one even noticed I was pregnant the whole time. Even in my bikini I was less fat than the majority of people- on a cruise people will be massive. And I had plenty of energy in my second trimester.

Though actually I wouldn't fancy a cruise when pregnant or with young children with all the germs and risk of food poisoning. I'd also never suggest this as a holiday with family with young children if I were paying, I'd pick something more inclusive. They are idiots to pick that as a choice anyway.

I disagree with the majority and I think it's really fucking horrible that he's said none of the children can come any more. There is absolutely no reason why they can't go, especially as it's already been booked for them! Your DP is a prick for leaving them all behind regardless of whether they are all his. If you're a blended family then you're all family. At the VERY least, he should take his own son - but this would be extremely unfair on the girls.

I would book yourself a holiday with friends later in the year and tell DP it's his turn to look after the kids while you go away.

I can understand him not wanting to the the sole carer to a 2yo in a strange environment. So I'd go for a compromise! You could book something with the girls & DH can look after the 2yo.
It doesn't have to be at the same time as cruise, but asap so you and the girls can have a holiday too.

Why don't YOU read the updates?! You're quite wrong. It is the OP's FIL's 70th birthday, ie her partner's father.

Your partner is clearly a dick for not taking the dc. Harsh to make them miss out on a holiday!

I'm going to go ahead and guess he's a slacker parent at home too? If he can't prioritise his dc and sdc above his own pleasure, I'd be having real questions about the future of the relationship. He isn't a good dad or partner.

Why don't people read the whole thread before berating others for getting the details wrong?

Read the OP's updates. It's her FIL and not her dad.

Would your daughters even be allowed to go with no parent at that age ? Would there be any issues with passports or medical treatment?

I went to Egypt when I was about 24 weeks pregnant (the limit was about 28 weeks for flying I think). No-one even noticed I was pregnant the whole time. Even in my bikini I was less fat than the majority of people- on a cruise people will be massive.

Quite an angle 😂

I think this is shitty of your DP tbh

I don’t understand why he can’t take the children - surely he wouldn’t be able to “relax” if you had been able to come, as he would be at least 50% on duty for the 2 yo - hopefully more with you being pregnant.

And the older two could surely entertain themselves?

Surely the only upside would be the pregnant woman gets the chance to rest and relax knowing her family are having fun?

If not, then I think he should also give up his place. It’s the partner’s 70th not the dad’s so not like he’s missing his own father’s party.

FFS why don't people read the OP's updates especially since the first post said both father's partner and partner's father?

It has been clarified that it is her partner's father.

Does that ever work out, on a cruise? I don’t blame the dh fir refusing to take the ds solo. But I do blame him—and am shocked—that he didn’t decline the trip since his pregnant wife is unable to go. What a selfish man.