Unfortunately can’t go on holiday because of cruise lines policy

[CAMO1984]

Hi all,

just wanted other peoples opinions please as it’s really getting to me.
So a cruise was booked for my dads partners 70th all paid for by him as he wanted us all to go, which was extremely generous from the start.
A few days ago we found out I can no longer go as will be 24 weeks pregnant and the cruise line won’t accept pregnant ladies at 24 weeks pregnant or more.
Very upset and disappointed by the news but stated my partner and our son along with my 2 girls from a previous relationship could all still go which only leaves me missing out.
Partner then states he wouldn’t be taking our 2 year old son as he would be too much hassle and wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself and relax, his he grandad who paid for the holiday also agrees with this. I am very upset and saddened that my little boy would be such an inconvenience to them.
Also to add to this my father in law decides to invite his friends instead which also means my girls missing out too. I know he paid for all this so it’s his decision but still upsetting to let them down.
So basically now my partner is still going, along with his father in law, wife and his friends and me, my son and my girls are left at home on a holiday we were supposed to go on.
Am I being unreasonable to kick up a fuss about this? How would other people feel?

Thank you in advance

Actually, OP is not close to giving birth, not heavily pregnant.
24 weeks..

Actually, OP is not close to giving birth, not heavily pregnant. 24 weeks.

So why, pray tell, does the cruise not accept pregnant women at that stage of pregnancy?

Mad idea, but ask the company rather than MN?

To me what really bothers me in this discussion is that people can say her kids are not his family if they didn’t get married. Ten years together and his child is the girls half sibling. What an incredibly hurtful attitude. Does a piece of paper determine if these young girls deserve to feel like family to the practical father figure in their lives?

@Subwaystopthank you for clarifying this..
I was actually quite shocked when people were commenting that my girls are not my partner and my partners dads family anyway. Maybe not biologically no but they are still part of their family in my eyes. It upset me that just because of this is didn’t matter that they were just cast aside, as if their feelings in this didn’t matter.
just goes to show how diverse peoples opinions are of blended families.
Also the comments about the girls sharing a room with my partner if I am not there like he’s some kind of abuser.
This post has really opened my eyes and has also been very interesting to say the least x x

I actually think leaving the girls behind is much worse than leaving the toddler. It is complicated however to bring children on a cruise if you have no official ties - he hasn’t adopted them, so you’d need all the paperwork in place for each country they visit. Doable of course but not easy. But the step grandfather making this decision for the teenagers without even talking about it is pretty shocking. You just focussed at the start that you wanted your partner to bring the toddler and that seemed impossible to me.

and the cruise line is very reasonable in having this cutoff (almost all do) as they are in no way equipped to manage a micro preemie on board. Of course they’d call for a helicopter etc but they have to be ready to deal with medical emergencies at some level.

@PurpleThistle7i wasn’t just focused on my partner not wanting to take my toddler, I explained the whole situation, which included my girls now missing out.
I don’t see it as impossible for him not to take our son, I would happily have done it on my own, obviously have differing views on it.
I totally understand the cruise lines policies, they are in place for a reason and would never want to risk the life of myself and my unborn child. All cruise lines have a cut off of 24 weeks, P&O is 23 weeks x

@CAMO1984 I know you weren't suggesting you'd go, sorry. It was actually in response to several posters suggesting you lie or not tell them or just go anyway. Appreciate that you never suggested any of that!

@PurpleThistle7thank you so much for you take on this though, it certainly has been an interesting read.
In two minds whether to show my partner these comments or just delete the post and move on x

I think this post shows that everyone was a bit right and everyone was a bit wrong and really the biggest problem here is your father in law who made some unilateral decisions without thinking it through. It does sound though that you have a history of generosity from him and a good relationship in general so I would probably chalk this up to being a bit thoughtless as opposed to anything bigger. I can honestly see all the sides in this, so think it's a communication thing rather than anything else. Would have been far different if he'd just said 'oh, OP can't come now, that's a shame. What do you think makes sense from here? I will reallocate her spot to a friend so would you like to do a/b/c?' and then discuss it as a family to come up with what works for you.

No, don't show him the post! Good grief. Just move on. Why create more drama?

@ExercicenformedeZits not really causing more drama is it, no drama is being created! its
just showing how diverse these comments are that’s all.

If you showed him this thread and all the comments trashing him and trashing his dad and calling them selfish and yadda yadda, how do you think that would shake down? It just seems like unpleasant stirring to me, particularly as the situation has now been resolved. Move on. There'll be other occasions for family holidays and cruises. You're in serious danger of making a mountain out of a molehill and causing a completely needless rift in the family.

@ExercicenformedeZbut it’s ok for me to read all the unpleasant nasty comments aimed towards me?

There haven't been any 'nasty comments' aimed towards you, and anyway, you started the thread. Surely you can see the difference between starting a thread and hearing something you might not want to hear, and someone else saying 'look, I started a thread about you and look how many people think you suck'. I mean, it's your life and your relationship, so if you want to do that, knock yourself out. But be prepared for it not to go at all as you think. If I were your partner in that situation, I'd think you highly unreasonable and rather babyish.

@ExercicenformedeZsaying I am unreasonable and babyish is your opinion which of course everyone is entitled too. Yes I started this thread and fully expected people not to agree with me.
Its just upsetting to think if it were my dad that booked and paid for the cruise and my partner could not longer go there would be no way on earth he would say his grandchild could no longer come and I would never dream of not taking my son because he would be a hassle..
Yes I agree with you showing my partner probably would cause an argument and quite frankly can’t be bothered to keep going over a situation I cannot change.
so I will enjoy my week away abroad in the sun with my children and get on with my life.

That sounds like an excellent plan. Just let it go. There is nothing whatsoever to be gained by dwelling on it. Also, I bet you end up having a much better time on your holiday than you would have done on the cruise. Considering that the cruise was paid for by the birthday person, there might have been a lot of pandering expected of you. Far better to enjoy yourself elsewhere (and even better that it's abroad and not a staycation, which I can see might have been disappointing)

No. it isn't ok and I sympathise. Posters might be tollers and they will do anything, lay any bait to trap you. Look up trolling online. Try to resist them.

The OP is obviously upset by your posts and that of others. Do you think it nice to upset people and encourage others to do the same?

You are the one who is encouraging OP to be upset by calling people who disagree with her 'trolls'. Nobody was trolling her. Stop trying to stir up trouble. The situation has now been resolved, anyway. There is nothing to be gained and a lot to be lost by her showing her partner this thread. She should just wish her FIL a happy birthday, and enjoy her own holiday with the kids. And move on.

If you can't accept criticism then don't ask for opinions. Remember it is you that asked for observations not him, and that is why you shouldn't show him.

So you deny that, despite the OP's comments, you had no intention of deliberately causing her distress with your comments?

What reaction did you expect to get?

I not only go by the op being upset, I look at the number of times posters post on the same thread, arguing the toss to get a reaction.