Unfortunately can’t go on holiday because of cruise lines policy

[CAMO1984]

Hi all,

just wanted other peoples opinions please as it’s really getting to me.
So a cruise was booked for my dads partners 70th all paid for by him as he wanted us all to go, which was extremely generous from the start.
A few days ago we found out I can no longer go as will be 24 weeks pregnant and the cruise line won’t accept pregnant ladies at 24 weeks pregnant or more.
Very upset and disappointed by the news but stated my partner and our son along with my 2 girls from a previous relationship could all still go which only leaves me missing out.
Partner then states he wouldn’t be taking our 2 year old son as he would be too much hassle and wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself and relax, his he grandad who paid for the holiday also agrees with this. I am very upset and saddened that my little boy would be such an inconvenience to them.
Also to add to this my father in law decides to invite his friends instead which also means my girls missing out too. I know he paid for all this so it’s his decision but still upsetting to let them down.
So basically now my partner is still going, along with his father in law, wife and his friends and me, my son and my girls are left at home on a holiday we were supposed to go on.
Am I being unreasonable to kick up a fuss about this? How would other people feel?

Thank you in advance

“So a cruise was booked for my dads partners 70th all paid for by him as he wanted us all to go, which was extremely generous from the start.“

It now appears that the original post was incorrect and the OP’s partner is going on a freebie cruise paid for by his own father, not his FiL.

However, I still think OP’s partner would be incredibly selfish to go if it means she would be on her own with three kids to look after. But who knows what the real situation is? Not me, for sure. I’m out.

I'm very glad to hear that you're going away on a holiday. That is by far the best solution to this situation. Try not to dwell on the disappointment, just focus on having an amazing time. And for the love of everything, don't listen to those posters who want to shoehorn women's rights into every scenario. I think you said earlier that you don't know this site well: if you're on here for any amount of time you will see that a fair number of posters want to blame men for any and every thing that goes wrong. It isn't worth listening to them, but they are very persistent and very insulting about anyone who has another view.

Probably not helpful now but, if your pregnancy is straightforward and you haven't had any complications during previous pregnancies, I would have been very very tempted to have gone anyway and not told the cruise I was 24 weeks pregnant!
Slightly confused about if it's your dad's birthday or your FILs birthday?
If its your side of the family then they should have taken all grandkids and DH should be capable of looking after his own son and stepdaughters especially if they live with you.
And all adults should be capable of chipping in with the kids and supporting DP as needed.
Of course it's not totally relaxing going on holiday with DC, that's called parenting.
Are your daughters disappointed/upset?
If so I think I would have to say something.
If its FIL and not your dad then it's a bit different, maybe they thought your daughters wouldn't want to go without you or they aren't very close to them? But they should have spoken to you before making any decisions, probably more upsetting for your DDs if their brother went but they were left out. Your DPs reaction also depends if he wants a special holiday with HIS dad or if he's the in law.
So basically if it's your dad then say something if it's in laws I'd let it go. But when they are back I would try and something nice for yourself with friends or sibings and leave DC with their dad's for a couple of days.
And try and do something special with your kids to make up for cancelled holiday

@CopperWhitemoney isn’t the issue here as they are not short of money, they are wealthy people. Yes they have paid for holidays for us ect before, they are extremely generous and we are very very grateful.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, which is neither right or wrong, I appreciate that. However in my opinion I feel is he is in the wrong for not willing to take his son away with his own family just because it would be a lot of hard work for him. He wanted a child but seems here only when it suits him..
My other point was the disappointment I now feel to let my two daughters down who were so excited and now feel guilty that I can’t offer them the same experience.
Anyway life goes and and I will be taking the children somewhere in England whilst they go on the cruise.

Personally I wouldn’t be happy. Left at home with all kids at 24 weeks pregnant while partner is on a jolly.

It’s a great shame that you can’t go, but a two year old would be a bit of a worry on a cruise. Even a perfectly behaved one with two attentive parents. The child will not remember it really, so won’t feel they have missed out. I’d not be able to settle at home knowing my kids were on holiday anywhere without me, let alone on a ship in the ocean (And yes I’ve been on cruises) Sticky one for you, but don’t spoil a family relationship over it.

What a shame that you and the kids aren’t going. I would be really disappointed too, but it sounds as though you have come to terms with it now. So the thread has served its purpose. I hope you and the children have a good time. I also think that your partner owes you several days of time to yourself while he has the children.

they don't want them without you there.

What is OP? Maid, servant, chief of childcare?

Ans you say she's selfish???

I don’t think it’s anything to do with being stuck in the 1950s. I just don’t know many mothers who would want to send their two year-old off on a cruise for weeks - especially when in a few months time, they will be naturally very busy with a new baby and won’t get to spend as much time as they’d like with said two year-old.

In the countless threads about child free weddings on here, people are aghast at the idea of women leaving children of that age with their fathers or grandparents for a mere weekend. Yet here people are falling over themselves to say it’s disgusting that the OP can’t send an infant away for weeks on end. What’s the betting that, if the OP’s partner wanted to take their son on the cruise and OP didn’t want him to go, her partner would be vilified as a big old meanie separating mother and child for his own selfish means?

She's the mother of her children. If she isn't there her partner and the grandfather and his partner would have to look after the children. Fair enough her partner but why on earth do you think the grandfather and his partner should?

@SmurfnoffIcei spend every day with my little boy. I was perfectly happy to let him go with his dad. Why is this so wrong? My partner is a very capable father, the fact is he would just get in the way of them having a good time is what the issue with taking him is x

@SmurfnoffIce posted: “I don’t think it’s anything to do with being stuck in the 1950s. I just don’t know many mothers who would want to send their two year-old off on a cruise for weeks - especially when in a few months time, they will be naturally very busy with a new baby and won’t get to spend as much time as they’d like with said two year-old.”

But you know of many men who would do this and you are not at all bothered about it? Why would the child not be ok going on a cruise with daddy? As a society we need to do some serious thinking about the way that we think about men’s parenting.

@PopeJoan2 I’m not suggesting the child would be unsafe with his father. But being the one to go away isn’t the same. OP’s father is going away for his father. It’s a special occasion. Perhaps if it was the OP’s father going away she’d go on the trip without her partner and child if he couldn’t go.

Travelling after 24 weeks I thought was usually difficult flying etc so guessing cruise is similar. A young child could be tricky on a cruise with one parent and not two, but I think he could take the girls?

sorry for you though mostly, I am sure you could have really done with that holiday. If your DH goes state you want him to arrange to all go in 1 or 2 years time / whenever.

Your DH is definitely letting you all down, it’s him you need to have a serious talk with, preferably before number four arrives.

I would feel hugely disappointed too OP; it was going ro be a lovely family experience and now it's all gone to poop. I would be really sad for my girls as you are.
You're right. Somewhere along the way your FIL changed the view of the holiday from a family one to an adults one. It's very poor show from him to have disinvited your two girls.
I think I would also expect my DP to drop out so that we could have an alternative family holiday.

the fact is he would just get in the way of them having a good time is what the issue with taking him is x

But what's wrong with that? It's true! When you're trying to salvage a special birthday trip that's already gone a bit tits up, why would you want to spoil it further for yourself by bringing a toddler with you to look after solo?

This is not a test about how much he loves his son. It's just a case of what's reasonable and practical. If he is in sole charge of a two year old on a cruise, he will be in the cabin by 7pm every night and up at 5am wandering the corridors on his own while his family sleeps. It will be shit and he might as well not bother going. If you were there, at least you could tag team it so each of you got to enjoy some evenings and lie ins.

I agree with a PP. If this was my relationship, I'd be encouraging my partner to go and spend time with his dad. Not forcing him to choose between celebrating his dad's 70th birthday or grounding himself with his family just because I'm pregnant.

When he gets back, take yourself off on holiday on your own somewhere nice. If he's not a prick, he should have no problem with this.

If you know he’d get in the way of them having a good time, then why are you so sad your partner isn’t taking his son? Do you want your father-in-law’s special trip to be disappointing?

Yes, why do you not want them to have a good time?

@250mlmaxi haven’t once said I was forcing my partner to choose? I have known all along he wasn’t taking our son and the girls could no longer go. I am not trying to salvage anything? I simply just asked for other peoples views on this situation that is all as was just very disappointed.

Yes, awful man. Please book yourself a child free babyhood trip away in the uk and leave them all with him when you're back

Ps it would be weird to expect your big girls to go without you

Your partner is a really shit dad though

I don’t think that at all. I think ‘if a parent is going on a cruise with a group of adult friends it would be complicated and not enjoyable to bring a young toddler’. It’s actually super specific to a cruise situation with bedtimes and nap times and safety. I’d think the same about any parent in this situation and would suggest the mother leave her toddler at home if she had that option as well.

mostly I’m just confused as to why no one actually considered the timing for this as the cruise was booked when the OP already knew she was pregnant. This could all have easily been avoided by either going a month earlier or going a year later. Or planning something different with a holiday house somewhere.

@PurpleThistle7as mentioned before my father in law booked this cruise last month on his own back as a surprise. At the time of booking told them a passenger was pregnant and no more was said until last week they sent out a form to fill in which is where it stated their pregnancy policy.
Yes my son will be staying at home with me. I stated all this in my first post.
I was just asking for peoples views on my situation that is all.