Unfortunately can’t go on holiday because of cruise lines policy

[CAMO1984]

Hi all,

just wanted other peoples opinions please as it’s really getting to me.
So a cruise was booked for my dads partners 70th all paid for by him as he wanted us all to go, which was extremely generous from the start.
A few days ago we found out I can no longer go as will be 24 weeks pregnant and the cruise line won’t accept pregnant ladies at 24 weeks pregnant or more.
Very upset and disappointed by the news but stated my partner and our son along with my 2 girls from a previous relationship could all still go which only leaves me missing out.
Partner then states he wouldn’t be taking our 2 year old son as he would be too much hassle and wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself and relax, his he grandad who paid for the holiday also agrees with this. I am very upset and saddened that my little boy would be such an inconvenience to them.
Also to add to this my father in law decides to invite his friends instead which also means my girls missing out too. I know he paid for all this so it’s his decision but still upsetting to let them down.
So basically now my partner is still going, along with his father in law, wife and his friends and me, my son and my girls are left at home on a holiday we were supposed to go on.
Am I being unreasonable to kick up a fuss about this? How would other people feel?

Thank you in advance

Hi OP,

I don't blame you for being disappointed in your partner. I find it really objectionable that instead of taking his own child on holiday he prefers to go alone and make it double sad for you.
In my family the grandparents take delight in having their grandchildren around.
My FIL and father would both far rather have my child join an event than myself 😂
I find it sad and a bit selfish that today families and people in general see children as such a big burden.

I meant his parents would end up giving childcare. It's FILs holiday, be more considerate he can now have it without children and enjoy it more. The dynamic is very different with young children

Sure you did.

I’m so sorry you and your girls are in this situation.

cruise aside I’m afraid you have a partner problem. I understand him wanting to spend time with his father but to refuse to take his son because he is a hassle is horrible. He and the girls could have looked after him and he would have had a blast. You’re right, cruise ships are great for kids.

I hope you have a fantastic holiday with your children and I hope your partner gets seasick.

I wouldn't have wanted to take my 2 year old on a cruise without a second parent either - doesn't mean I find my son a burden at all, just dont think a cruise holiday suits very young children very well. But at least with two parents you can swap around who has to stay in the cabin at bed time etc and take turns doing activities that aren't child friendly.

And nobody would bat an eye if that sole responsibility was hers, rather than his.

I think this is fair too, unless the grandparents are very hands on or you can get a nanny service

But I suspect it isn’t it is - it is your partners
myour FIL I assume is just papering o er the mess caused by your partner

No, it isn't 'horrible', the entire dynamic of the trip has changed. I think that the OPs partner deserves some time away with his father without the OP laying a guilt trip on him. If OP is always as whiny as she comes across on this thread, I'm not surprised he wants a breather.

Ewww fancy expecting a MAN to look after a child with help and support from his family

Nothing to do with man or woman. I would say the exact same thing to a man who was complaining that his wife wanted to go away for an important family event.

They are totally out of order having zero consideration for you or the children's feelings. To not even ask you but to tell you shows how selfish they are. I would do the bare minimum for FIL in future. If he gets old and needs caring for make sure that's your partner or your FILs friends looking after him and not you. Look out for the people that value your feelings.

I know this wont make you feel better but I don't think you should be put off from taking young children on a cruise. We went at least once a year from when the DC were 8 months old and it was perfect at all ages. That said, like with any holiday with a 2 yo its hard work but the kids clubs are amazing. I do however think it would be a difficult dynamic if only one parent went with a toddler/DC when the rest are adults if they arent the sort to muck in. With 2 of you at least the care can be shared.

And I cannot believe people have commented about your DDs sharing with their step dad of most of their life and toddler brother. There is definitely nothing wrong with that. Don't forget that MN thinks stepchildren should be treated like cinderella!!

I got the words the wrong way round - I did admit that a few posts later. Didn't you read the full thread 😁

Have you spent much time in a 4 berth cruise ship cabin?

They are generally very cramped, you could reach out and touch the person sleeping in the other bunk. Everything going on in the bathroom can be heard. Entering or leaving would disturb the others sleeping.

It would be a really tricky environment for one adult responsible for 3 children of varying ages, and yes totally inappropriate for teen girls and an unrelated male, without their actual parent there.

I find it weird you want your two year old to go without you.. yes, WITH HIS FATHER. no one thinks it’s weird that he’s happy to go off without his child, but it’s ok to demonise a woman for thinking her child would be safe with his father, you know, the other parent, the other primary caregiver. It’s like we’ve gone backwards where women are only good for child rearing

You were only invited to provide childcare for the 2yo grandchild. Your older daughters were only invited as they come as a package with you.

Why are you saying “the 2yo grandchild”, as if OP is some poor relation drafted in to be a cheap babysitter? That 2yo grandchild is her son!! It’s hardly an imposition to expect her to “provide childcare” when it’s her child!

As for OP’s daughters only coming as part of the package, is that such a bad thing? They were invited as a family. Now that they can’t come as a family, OP’s FIL has decided to make it an adults only occasion. I’m not sure what’s wrong with that.

Because it’s OP’s partner’s father’s birthday. He’s not going off on some random jaunt - and he’s not sending his child off without him.

It's your partner not being willing to take his own son that I find the most unreasonable.

This sounds really disappointing for everyone involved. The core of this vacation - a family holiday - shifted as soon as it was revealed that policy wouldn't allow you to join. Your DP said yes based on that idea, likely because with two of you he'd be able to both celebrate with his DF and spend time with you and the kids.

If he takes just DS, the trip becomes about catering to DS's needs at the expense of celebrating. Both might have well just stayed home.

If he takes all three kids, it's still all about your son's needs since everything has to work with his schedule - unless you're okay with your DDs having unfettered access to the ship alone because, for example, DP is staying in the cabin with a napping DS. It would be a bonus if DP's dad wanted to help with supervision, but you can't realistically expect him to change the purpose of the cruise he paid for. Managing three kids with a large age gap solo while away from home for an extended period is hard. Would your DP have said yes if that was the original plan?

That leaves your DP either staying at home or going alone. He disappoints you or disappoints his DF (and wastes the money spent). I don't envy anyone here.

I hate to say it, but I agree with this. Most abuse occurs by a family member. I've missed the children's ages, but I'm not sure it's appropriate after a certain age with a biological father either.

Really - I wouldn't want to take a 2 year old on a cruise either! I don't find that the least bit unreasonable!

I don’t understand why your girls are being let down, at their age that seems really mean as they had already been invited. However, I can see why it could be difficult with the two-year-old who is bound to miss you and at that age he’s not going to remember it anyway.

Agree. You just have to accept that it's bad timing and move on.

I don't find OP "whiny" at all.

I do find it amazing though, that some posters think as follows:

If the mother goes then the child goes.
If the mother doesn't go, then the child doesn't go.

Have we gone backwards to the 1950's?