On holiday with 4month old. Regrets. Is this litterally my life forever now.

[meagain3]

Thought it would be a great idea and a bit of a break for me when in laws recommended a family holiday with our 4month baby. We don’t see them often. DS is just so unsettled here and I’m loosing the wheel to live. He’s been whinging all day. There all having a great time in the pool/reading books. I’m inside rocking baby to settle him. (Have been now for a few hours!) no one’s came to check on me.

I did say I was hesitant and worried to take him abroad as he’s hard enough at home. They said they’d be great help and I’d get some time out of parenting while they have him.

obviously I know it’s my child and responsibility but wish I’d just stayed home now! I never want to go abroad again now I’m a parent!

How can you have in laws if you don't have a partner?

If what you mean is you haven't told your partner to get off their arse and take baby for a couple of hours and let you sit in the sun, then maybe now is the time?

Sleeping since he spent the last 9hrs driving over here to meet us with the abundance of baby shit we need!

It will get better! You’re going to develop a routine that works for you, and then implement it as closely as you can when on holiday. We’ve had lots of great holidays with our kids from as young as 4 weeks old. You just have to adjust your expectations and don’t skip naps! Once their naps are more reliable you can make them fun for you - watch/buy films, buy extra special wine, cheese boards, treats to replace the activity you would do ‘out’.

It's the first day. And 4 months is a crap time for sleep anyway. When would be best for you to relax - would someone sit with him when he does sleep, so you can go outside?

@WorcsEduwhat age did you implement routine? The only routine we have is bath bottle and in bed by. 9.30 which has improved his sleep to only 2 wakes per night opposed to every hour it was before. I’ve tried with naps but if he’s tired earlier he’ll fall asleep sitting up!🫣

Whereabouts are you?

So you have literally only been there a day or two maximum?

Even the most helpful of ILs probably wouldn’t come to find you because they don’t want to risk disturbing the baby. If they’re said they’d help and baby isn’t settling get back out there and ask for reinforcements! If they say no then that’s another matter but if help has been offered take it up. And obviously your partner’s turn to nap now after the long drive but make sure it’s your turn tomorrow for a quiet chill.

It is the first day
the baby has been in the car for 9 hours, as have you and your partner has been driving.

and you’re already proclaiming the holiday a disaster?

DH will tomorrow daytime once caught up on sleep. Guess I feel I’ve been sold a dream when really he’s just miserable and unsettled. I feel guilty that I thought he’d enjoy a splash in the pool etc (we go swimming all the time he normally loves it!) but he’s just been crying most the day instead.

It does get better but the ‘same shit, different view’ feeling lasts a few years. top tips:

palm them off on any passing relative whenever they are awake and in a vaguely good mood. I took the view that there were some things that only I could do for the baby - breastfeed, get to sleep etc - but everything else could be done by a father, aunty, grandparent - this giving me some time to read a book / have a swim etc.

nap with them. Great way to avoid annoying relatives and catch up on sleep.

really, you have to put the word ‘holiday’ out of your mind, or redefine it in some way.

@Merciboc he has not been in the car for 9hrs. We flew here. DH met us here alone!

So it's a temporary situation, then? He gets to take over tomorrow and you remind the in-laws of what they said. We took DS away from 5 months and the worst thing was waking him up from his nap and taking him to the park opposite as there was a wildfire at the back of our house!

I took my 4mth old to Greece (now 20) and it was definitely not as relaxing as I had hoped. First child so no concept of how relentless it could be. However, my parents came and they really helped out and we all took turns. DH and I managed to get some relaxing time. We ate a bigger lunch as she struggled to sleep in a buggy in the evening. Get your DP to have a word and ask his parents to chip in, it can’t all fall to you. Then get your book and grab some sunbed time.

It's the first day and honestly you're probably both hot, jetlagged and shattered. Everything feels worse when you're tired. Once you have caught up on some sleep you will feel better. Try to stay positive, you don't want a rough start to spoil your whole holiday. If family said would help maybe you could ask for somebody to tap you out for an hour or two.

Rocking the baby or walking about with a pram sounds like a perfect grandparent thing to do. Just watch it it's really hot and they go off alone

@rickyrickygrimes same shit different place!🤣 thanks for the tips! I do find myself playing with him when he’s happy when really I should definitely pass him on so I can get 5 mins to myself☺️

My mum can be annoying but wow she was great to be on holiday with, she totally got it. She read to them endlessly, played whatever random games they came up with, took them in the pool, watched rubbish cartoons with them. She did everything to give me a break, I would have gone bonkers otherwise (long holidays, hot country). They both adore her now, (14 and 17). She’s a great gran, and on extended family holidays she was a star.

Is this literally my life now....?
Uh.. .yes.
😁

You arrived a few hours ago

I would say you’re being a little premature

I don’t know, taking a 4 month old baby on holiday is never going to be the same as not taking a 4 month old baby on holiday.
We took dd2 abroad to see my dad when she was 5 weeks old, we didn’t think of it as a holiday though, it was more about making sure he got to see her. We also had dd1 who was about 18 months old at this point. Dd2 got colic and screamed until 5am which was the time dd1 was waking up. It was not a fun time.

we didn’t take them both abroad again til dd2 was almost 2, was so much easier. Still not the same as a holiday pre kids, but easier.
It’s not really a holiday either small ones, it’s very much a case of same shit different location.
Your dh will be able to help out tomorrow when he’s recovered (although a nap now and he should really be able to pull himself together earlier than tomorrow!).

@Mobysdick yes certainly different to holidays pre baby. I think I’m probably just tired. Tomorrow will be a better day. I did ask nanny to take him for a bit but she likes to read kindle in the pool on her holidays apparently. Oh well! I know for next time🤣

@Luckyingame reality check😆will it get easier atleast🙃

@rickyrickygrimes your mum is an angel!! Xx

Sounds like your in laws thought you were coming with the baby to entertain them and feel like they were having a "family holiday" with no intention of actually helping you. My in laws viewed my children as an alternative to watching TV with the same level of interaction required. We didn't see much of them!