On holiday with 4month old. Regrets. Is this litterally my life forever now.

[meagain3]

Thought it would be a great idea and a bit of a break for me when in laws recommended a family holiday with our 4month baby. We don’t see them often. DS is just so unsettled here and I’m loosing the wheel to live. He’s been whinging all day. There all having a great time in the pool/reading books. I’m inside rocking baby to settle him. (Have been now for a few hours!) no one’s came to check on me.

I did say I was hesitant and worried to take him abroad as he’s hard enough at home. They said they’d be great help and I’d get some time out of parenting while they have him.

obviously I know it’s my child and responsibility but wish I’d just stayed home now! I never want to go abroad again now I’m a parent!

Fingers crossed he is more agreeable when he wakes.

Baby carrier was the answer for us! Just strapped the baby in and carried on doing what we would usually do. At 4 months the baby is happiest being close to you anyway. DC would just look around for a bit and then fall asleep. Repeat. If they were hungry I’d pop them out and feed them then back it. If anything, it was better than at home as they ended up sleeping upright more than at home which is great for reflux etc.

I think holidays between 3 months and 2 years are kind of a write off but they get more fun (maybe not more relaxing) after that.

A 9 hour drive with a 4 month old sounds hell on Earth. No wonder he’s unsettled.

Holidays with babies and young kids are hard hard work. I’ve never had a good one.

I think around age 4 is when things get marginally better.

Oh don't be mean.
The OP is very tired and anxious about everything.

I think you’ve over complicated things by bringing so much stuff that you couldn’t take it on the plane! Next time I’d all fly together and not bring so much stuff.

Is your baby teething? Maybe get some bonjela and teething crystals just in case x

As your in-laws suggested holiday they should definitely step up to the plate particularly as their son is asleep. Seems very unfair and I’m a gran!

Why have to drive loads of baby stuff? Just buy it there apart from maybe the buggy and car seat. We took our tiny babies abroad (long haul) all the time and it was easy. Wore them out in the pool and enjoyed the times they were asleep.

What have you packed? We took our son at this age with only hand luggage - bikini out - nappies in!

For future reference things like choosing child friendly accommodation is a good idea! (something well equipped so that one of you isn’t doing an 18 hour round trip for the sake of carting an “abundance of baby shit” everywhere) (this in itself has blown my mind tbh…). It will get easier, but be under no illusion that holidaying with young kids is any fun. My advice is wait until they’re a bit older until you do ‘proper’ holidays, while they’re small all it does is knock them out of their usual routine. Hopefully the rest of the family step up a bit so you get a chance to relax too (maybe once your husband has slept off his long haul delivery driving he can have a word?)

We went on holidays with my youngest from 6 months. It really wasn’t the same. Far more stressful, hardly any sunbathing. I hated it.

I would say it got easier when the youngest was closer to 4.

It gets better! We didn’t take DD abroad until she was 5 and we had a lovely time. Probably can’t get away with that with DS but will still wait until he’s at least 3ish

Aw man, this takes me back. No, it’s not your life now, it’s just your life in this moment. It waxes and wanes, and I promise you’ll have a new-found appreciation for childfree holidays/ breaks when they do come along….which they will!!!

But, in the meantime, I’d say by all means try and settle him, but if youve been locked in a dark room for hours on end and he’s still not playing ball, switch it up a bit, shift your focus onto something else and take baby along with you. Go for a little walk somewhere, take him to see/ talk to other people (e.g. your IL’s). As other posters have said, sometimes it’s not that they don’t want to help, they’re just not sure how to.

One of the LEAST stressful breaks I’ve been on with mine was actually when I went away with a friend and their little baby. Because we were in the same boat child-wise it was at the right pace for both of us, there was no sense of missing out because we both had them to put down in the evenings…but when they were down the bottle of wine was open, we had a lovely dinner and set the world to rights. Felt like a regular holiday again :)

Point being, it’s all expectations and comparison to what you did before/ others in the group are doing. I really do think that, if there’s a little child included in the holiday, everyone has to pay it attention and take a little turn so nobody feels like they’re doing all the work. And I’ll bet your IL’s will understand that. When your DH leaps into action it’ll be so different too, not just because he’ll be there to lend a hand, but because he’ll be able to be more direct with his own parents about how he wants the holiday to be, for all of you. Hang in there, but get out and about! Your baby will probably like it/ be distracted :) AND, as unlikely as it seems rn, having a wee pal to keep you company on holiday - one who’s your best friend before anyone else - will feel really special :)

Yup. We tried it with DD1. I realised I had left the place that makes everything easier! A holiday with a small baby is staying at home and hiring a cleaner, a chef and a gardener!

Just relax a bit. He probably will. Just not right now. Holidays with a baby are stressful but if you only have one holiday a year that’s maximum 2 that will be like this.

we went camping with ours as babies - that was stressful! Look back now and question why, but at the time you think you just have to plough on with life regardless.

Your DH needs to step up though

She flew to wherever she is and her DH drove 9 hours. Read the thread.

He might be suffering from the pressure on the flight or something just give him time to get used to things

start listening to the parenting hell podcast while you are rocking, it’ll cheer you along I promise

She was coaxed into coming on this holiday with promises of help:

'I did say I was hesitant and worried to take him abroad as he’s hard enough at home. They said they’d be great help and I’d get some time out of parenting while they have him.'

Why shouldn't OP take them at their word and expect some help. They are in the wrong, not OP.

With no time off you’ll never have a holiday again. This happened to me.

I used to find that holidays when mine when they were really small was like being at home minus a lot of the things that helped life at home run reasonably smoothly. You still have to do all the intense baby/child stuff but without some of your stuff to hand, Having a baby is a huge adjustment, it takes time to accept how much your life has changed, I can remember being quite shocked when the first few baby filled weekends rolled around and I found that they were as indistinguishable from the weekdays as I staggered round in a haze of exhaustion.

There are 4 adults, all with luggage allowance (appreciate this may be hand luggage), plus the baby allowance and he needed to drive all the gear? What on earth have you brought with you?

Agree with PP that it won’t be the relaxing holiday you used to go on, but embrace it.

Gees what on earth have you brought with you that needed one of you to drive?
When our kids were young we took five of them, ranging from 16 to 5 months on holiday to Spain, we managed to pack everything we needed in our suitcases and it wasn’t anything like as bad a time as you seem to be having. The 5 month old was the easiest of the lot in fact.

Unfortunately the promotions and expectations of family holidays rarely match reality. I totally understand why you feel you would prefer to be at home. It would be good if your in laws supported baby while you had a break.
I hope you feel more settled soon