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On holiday with 4month old. Regrets. Is this litterally my life forever now.

157 replies

meagain3 · 12/07/2025 15:21

Thought it would be a great idea and a bit of a break for me when in laws recommended a family holiday with our 4month baby. We don’t see them often. DS is just so unsettled here and I’m loosing the wheel to live. He’s been whinging all day. There all having a great time in the pool/reading books. I’m inside rocking baby to settle him. (Have been now for a few hours!) no one’s came to check on me.

I did say I was hesitant and worried to take him abroad as he’s hard enough at home. They said they’d be great help and I’d get some time out of parenting while they have him.

obviously I know it’s my child and responsibility but wish I’d just stayed home now! I never want to go abroad again now I’m a parent!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Praying4Peace · 12/07/2025 17:37

SharpMintUser · 12/07/2025 15:57

Your child isn’t other people’s responsibility. So instead of complaining that you’ve given your child attention from his mum when he’s happy, instead of “definitely” lumping him off on someone else so you can enjoy your holiday. He’s four months old, get a grip!!!

Edited

Unkind and harsh

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 17:41

SharpMintUser · 12/07/2025 15:57

Your child isn’t other people’s responsibility. So instead of complaining that you’ve given your child attention from his mum when he’s happy, instead of “definitely” lumping him off on someone else so you can enjoy your holiday. He’s four months old, get a grip!!!

Edited

You sound nice….

OP, I’m sure tomorrow will be better, he’s just settling.

Stopbitingyourhands · 12/07/2025 17:41

Have you got a fan to clip onto the pram OP? It is certainly a big change going on holiday with DC for the first time but I (and DH) would do laps of the hotel with baby in pram with a fan on to get baby to sleep and that would buy us an hour or so of relaxation time.

Interested in this thread?

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Namechangean · 12/07/2025 17:44

SharpMintUser · 12/07/2025 15:57

Your child isn’t other people’s responsibility. So instead of complaining that you’ve given your child attention from his mum when he’s happy, instead of “definitely” lumping him off on someone else so you can enjoy your holiday. He’s four months old, get a grip!!!

Edited

You get a grip. She’s been convinced to go on a holiday she didn’t want and is now feeling isolated and stuck in a hotel room while her baby is crying constantly and everyone else is having fun. She’s not done anything to warrant your arsey response

mathanxiety · 12/07/2025 17:45

It's crap when they're tiny and you're really feeling the exhaustion.

The contrast between everyone else at the pool and you stuck indoors trying to soothe the baby is very glaring.

Hopefully your ILs won't accuse you of being antisocial for taking care of the baby's needs as my exILs did (well exMIL actually). Her opinion of babies was that attending to them just encouraged them to disrupt a mother's more important pursuits.

Hang in there. It definitely is your life for the foreseeable, but it gets better.
xx

NImumconfused · 12/07/2025 17:46

It's only the first day and hopefully the baby will settle but if your in laws specifically said they'd help and give you a break to persuade you to come on holiday with them, I'd be quite blatant about reminding them of that! Of course the baby is ultimately your and your DH's responsibility but if people promise support they should follow through with it or expect to be called out.

Areyouserioushuh · 12/07/2025 17:52

Welcome to parenthood!

Echobelly · 12/07/2025 17:54

Small babies hate long car journeys - our oldest was a very easy baby but had a few really ropey times with long car trips, seemed like a different baby. But then did calm down and was fine... of course this isn't the rest of your life as you won't have a tiny pre-verbal baby forever.

But yes, holidays with small children are not very holiday-like for a few years and that's just how it is, but they can still be very enjoyable.

RightOrAMeringue · 12/07/2025 17:55

SharpMintUser · 12/07/2025 15:57

Your child isn’t other people’s responsibility. So instead of complaining that you’ve given your child attention from his mum when he’s happy, instead of “definitely” lumping him off on someone else so you can enjoy your holiday. He’s four months old, get a grip!!!

Edited

Yeah just to chime in, this is a really cruel response and one that I think says more about you and your resentment about how you were left to look after kids than it does about OP. A child is not solely their mother’s responsibility, that’s ridiculous. Especially when IL’s have made a song and dance to convince her it wouldn’t be a shit-show for her, that they’d help etc etc. They now have a responsibility to keep their word and make memories with their grandchild - they’re the reason he’s been taken there in the first place.

The other thing is empathy. Maybe you haven’t been shown much of it, and if that’s the case I’m sorry. But when reading about someone having a hard time, and all you can think is “ffs get on with it”, just keep it to yourself eh? It’s not making anyone feel good except you…and the reasons for that are probably best investigated elsewhere. Having a baby is hard - the hardest thing I’ve ever done by a long way. The adjustment is massive. Choosing that moment to dole out your cruelty and bitterness is a bit sick.

Caspianberg · 12/07/2025 17:55

You do know for future that baby items car seats, prams, travel cost are free on most flights? Even Ryanair allow 2 baby items checked in for free ie pram and car seat. If you really need all three it’s about £50 for extra bag.
( far cheaper to pay for a bag that cost of ferry/ tolls/ petrol/ and being knackered of 9hr drive)

tartyflette · 12/07/2025 17:59

Actuslly, I disagree that holidays with young kids will not be fun for X years. That's not our experience at all.
We first took DS on holiday when he was around six months old, for a long weekend in France, four days staying at a lovely (but not very child friendly - eg they had a small bed for him rather than a cot) chateau.
But I do agree that the car was packed up to the roofline with baby stuff, (and ours, to be fair -- I am not a light packer at the best of times). The pushchair/buggy was the biggest item plus a travel cot. We took nappies too because we didn't want to have to shop too much when we were there. And a changing mat...you get the picture.
He was fine throughout, always slept well in the car and seeing as DH and I both worked full time then it was a treat for all of us to be together for a nice block of time.
We did however buy a few jars of upmarket French baby food in the shops, OMG it was wonderful stuff, with real flavours of chicken or carrots or whatever. So much better than the tasteless slop then available at home. He loved them.
After that we took him around a dozen times to France by car and once to Italy by plane all before he started school. We used to drive to the French Alps for winter snow holidays and he started skiing (in the baby class) at two and never looked back. In Italy, aged three with blonde curls and rosy cheeks, he was a sensation. People said 'ciao bello' to him so much that he started saying it back, to ladies as well!
So we have had wonderful family holidays that I'm very grateful for. I would say to anyone -- you know your child, whether or not they may be able to cope with new things - food, travel, people. You can always give it a go; start small and build up.

mindutopia · 12/07/2025 18:03

How have you brought so much stuff that you couldn’t take it on the plane with 2 adults and a baby allowance in the hold? I travelled to Spain alone just me and baby, Dh at home. And just packed our two carry ons, plus pushchair in hold with assorted things in pushchair bag. Anyway, mistake 1 for way over complicating things.

Anyway, we’ve done many a 9 hour drive since having children and dh didn’t take to bed the whole day. You have to just keep parenting because that is life.

A beach/pool holiday is a bit boring with a baby, but if that’s what you want to do, you break the day in two. You each take a time slot where you get out with baby (I mean literally go out somewhere and do something stimulating and interesting, I did lots of museums and botanical gardens, go sit at a street side cafe, go for a walk). And then the other gets to rest by the pool/beach for several hours. Come back for some or most meals together. Swap over.

If you are in a hot country, afternoon nap quiet time indoors. I just curled up in bed and slept for a couple hours with mine.

If you are self-catering, you can put baby to bed at normal time and then you get your evenings with the adults. But generally, I adjust mine to late nights, so we go out for dinner and they are either up or sleep in pushchair until we go to bed at 10pm ish.

My rule is that if we are with dh’s family, it’s his job to get up in the mornings with the dc and facilitate them spending time with his family. I don’t get up at 6am and do all the wrangling and the coffee and breakfast and early morning entertaining. He wants to spend a week with his family, he spends time doing that stuff with them, not me.

Merciboc · 12/07/2025 18:04

Namechangean · 12/07/2025 17:44

You get a grip. She’s been convinced to go on a holiday she didn’t want and is now feeling isolated and stuck in a hotel room while her baby is crying constantly and everyone else is having fun. She’s not done anything to warrant your arsey response

She arrived a few hours ago
her baby is taking a long nap in her arms

anotherwordforit · 12/07/2025 18:04

Agree with others that it’s same shit different place with very young children/babies.

I stuck with very straightforward holidays whilst mine were little, driving 1 hour up the road to Center parcs was a lot more appealing than conquering an airport with a baby and toddler. I do see lots of posts on Instagram of families with very small children travelling all over the place and it looks amazing but it must be lies 🤣

We do holidays abroad now they are older primary school age and it’s very enjoyable. Hang in there.

I would also be pissed off if relatives had made a big deal of ‘giving you a break’ then proceeded to do nothing. How long have you been there? Maybe they will begin fulfilling that promise once you’re all a bit more settled. If not then at least you know not to bother next year.

Merciboc · 12/07/2025 18:05

Caspianberg · 12/07/2025 17:55

You do know for future that baby items car seats, prams, travel cost are free on most flights? Even Ryanair allow 2 baby items checked in for free ie pram and car seat. If you really need all three it’s about £50 for extra bag.
( far cheaper to pay for a bag that cost of ferry/ tolls/ petrol/ and being knackered of 9hr drive)

And if it’s a hotel or air BnB…. High Chances are they will provide a cot, high chair etc

How long are you away op?!

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 18:06

Echobelly · 12/07/2025 17:54

Small babies hate long car journeys - our oldest was a very easy baby but had a few really ropey times with long car trips, seemed like a different baby. But then did calm down and was fine... of course this isn't the rest of your life as you won't have a tiny pre-verbal baby forever.

But yes, holidays with small children are not very holiday-like for a few years and that's just how it is, but they can still be very enjoyable.

Baby didn’t have a long car journey, they flew.

Merciboc · 12/07/2025 18:06

thepariscrimefiles · 12/07/2025 17:26

She was coaxed into coming on this holiday with promises of help:

'I did say I was hesitant and worried to take him abroad as he’s hard enough at home. They said they’d be great help and I’d get some time out of parenting while they have him.'

Why shouldn't OP take them at their word and expect some help. They are in the wrong, not OP.

OP arrived a few hours ago

fgs give the in laws a chance!!

SleepyLemur · 12/07/2025 18:10

Holidays with kids are mostly to be endured in my experience, stress with moments of wonderful memories and a break if someone else is looking after your kids. Saying that your partner should be helping you 50:50. I would also (if you are comfortable leaving your baby for a few hours) ask if your in laws could babysit for a couple of hours once or twice, so you and your partner can go for a nice meal or swim ect together.

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 18:11

Merciboc · 12/07/2025 18:06

OP arrived a few hours ago

fgs give the in laws a chance!!

FGS she needs help now, how can ILs not realise that?

Are you the MIL, with your arse in the sunbed reading your kindle?

Get up and give a bloody hand, stop pulling a deafun.

Merciboc · 12/07/2025 18:12

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 18:11

FGS she needs help now, how can ILs not realise that?

Are you the MIL, with your arse in the sunbed reading your kindle?

Get up and give a bloody hand, stop pulling a deafun.

😆

trivi · 12/07/2025 18:12

‘Losing the wheel to live’ 🤣 🛞🛞

Merciboc · 12/07/2025 18:13

If I was the mil, I’d a little confused why my son had driven 9 hours with all the baby stuff for a holiday where we could very easily have just use the hotel’s cot and high chair etc.

i would also presume that given it was heat of the day and that dil and baby had just arrived and were in the room, that the little mite was having a nap in the air conditioned room and did was decompressing after the flight whilst baby napped

mathanxiety · 12/07/2025 18:15

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 18:11

FGS she needs help now, how can ILs not realise that?

Are you the MIL, with your arse in the sunbed reading your kindle?

Get up and give a bloody hand, stop pulling a deafun.

The last thing she needs is a MIL the baby doesn't know from Adam trying to 'help' soothe him.or her.

She could use a cup of tea or a drink or snack, though, and hopefully the ILs will prepare dinner later and she'll get a chance to eat.

mathanxiety · 12/07/2025 18:19

Agree with @mindutopia

Your H does not need a nap after his nine hour drive.

I live in the US and have driven five DCs that long, then unpacked, cooked dinner, fed DCs, bathed, and got them all to sleep (baby/ toddler included). Then got my own night's sleep, disturbed by baby, and then got up and back on the hamster wheel the following day.

Your H needs to grow up.

Tiredandtiredagain · 12/07/2025 18:22

Merciboc · 12/07/2025 18:13

If I was the mil, I’d a little confused why my son had driven 9 hours with all the baby stuff for a holiday where we could very easily have just use the hotel’s cot and high chair etc.

i would also presume that given it was heat of the day and that dil and baby had just arrived and were in the room, that the little mite was having a nap in the air conditioned room and did was decompressing after the flight whilst baby napped

And you’d presume wrong wouldn’t you, about the situation.

I think you’re going for ignorance is bliss option, why not just message “all ok”, don’t need anything?

And I’m sure the OP knows where silent is on the phone, If she doesn’t want to be disturbed, so let’s not go down that whataboutery!