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Original poster

Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
Cheepcheepcheep · 09/05/2025 09:35

I know it seems daunting OP but if my mum had had a nasty fall like that I’d want to go see her too. I’m sure your kids would want to come see you when they’re grown up if it happened to you.

Edenmum2 · 09/05/2025 09:35

I’m normally one to say DH should be around in those early stages but I think you are being really self involved here OP

GloriousGoosebumps · 09/05/2025 09:36

Most children would want to see their mother in these circumstances. Wouldn't you want to see your own mother if she had been injured? You're an experienced mother, can you explain why you would find it difficult to look after your own children for 24 hours? Is the problem with bathing them or feeding them or putting them to bed? Is your oldest child in nursery? What would you be looking for your parents to do?

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WimpoleHat · 09/05/2025 09:36

My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us

Honest question - if your mum had a similar accident, would she be saying “don’t come and see me, your priority is your husband and children”? Or would she expect you to rally round and help her? I know it’s a bit daunting with two very little ones, but you will be fine - and, as a pp said, once you have done it, it builds your confidence a lot.

minipie · 09/05/2025 09:37

You will manage without him

BUT

His mum will also manage without him. She has husband, daughter and son in law there.

I’m not sure why so many people are saying he should go. To me it’s clear that - given the other support his mum has - he is more
needed at home. He can rally round and do emotional support from the UK.

Him going is more about what will make him feel better than about others’ needs IMO.

researchers3 · 09/05/2025 09:37

I think if it was your mum who'd had an accident and you wanted to go to her, she wouldn't think it was selfish.

If you've got the offer of help, take it?

Thistooshallpass. · 09/05/2025 09:38

YABU - it’s a day or so . How do you cope when he’s at work ?!

BethDuttonYeHaw · 09/05/2025 09:38

YABU and it’s not for long.

beetr00 · 09/05/2025 09:39

@DreamWaves

"My mum thinks my husband is being selfish", not so.

You have help at hand and I, too, would encourage him to stay an extra couple of days.

In this instance, you are being unreasonable @DreamWaves

BethDuttonYeHaw · 09/05/2025 09:39

YABU and it’s not for long.

diddl · 09/05/2025 09:39

Why would your parents have to come over for such a short time?

I don't think that checking in on his mum who has had an accident means that you aren't his priority.

She has others there but he wants to see her himself.

Whiteflowerscreed · 09/05/2025 09:39

Yabu. If you really can’t cope, get a friend over or your parents

fuzzwuss · 09/05/2025 09:39

I think YABU. One or two days is normal, he is going to visit his mum! Not playing golf or cycling. You are being unpleasant in not giving him this time, and it seems as if you have your parents to help too.

Hiddenbump · 09/05/2025 09:39

HI OP I think you are getting some harsh responses on here. If his mother is recovering and is being well minded then I don't see what benefit a 24 hour visit would be. Lots of people cope/ have to cope with a newborn and a toddler but if you don't think you will cope or simply don't want the extra burden the trip would cause then I don't think you are being unreasonable..perhaps he could arrange a trip in a few weeks when you are more used to having a baby and a toddler and he could go for longer than 24 hours. Also having a six week old is incredibly hard and the sleep depravation is extreme, I think a lot of the commenters on here may have forgotten that and some are responding harshly.

Winterwonders24 · 09/05/2025 09:40

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

Remember all those posts when mums complain about sons not caring or treating their mums like daughters treat their mums? I get it's shit,but sometimes shit happens. It's 24 hours

JustAnInchident · 09/05/2025 09:40

YABU, imo, I’m afraid. It’s just 24 hours, you’ll cope just fine, even with no help. I don’t understand why your parents would need to be drafted in to help at all, and your mum should keep her opinions to herself, is she normally inclined to jump on any chance to be snide? Your husbands mum has had a nasty accident and he wants to see her, I can’t blame him for that!

Blarn · 09/05/2025 09:40

Of course he should go, and probably for a couple of days rather than 24 hours. You'll get through the day on your own and realise that you are absolutely capable of looking after two small dc on your own (and probably wonder what you were worried about. You would expect your dh to support you in the same way if you needed to see your parents in an emergency. I expect he is worried about his mum and wants to see her, it can be quite a shock when you realise your parents are getting older.

diddl · 09/05/2025 09:40

Would it be an option for you to go to your parents so that they wouldn't have to travel/cancel plans?

jealy · 09/05/2025 09:40

24 hours seems daunting op but you can do it. Baby in sling, toddler led day. Lots of passive activities, painting, playdoh, etc. Does your toddler have screen time? so just capitalise on that.

Work out a schedule, to help you plan for the day. But you don’t need to stick to it.

OP you do need to learn how to cope with both on your own, you husband won’t be there all the time for you. Or you for him. It’s actually easier than you think and will help your confidence with your children.

Yotoyoto · 09/05/2025 09:41

Kindly, you are being extremely unreasonable. Hopefully it’s the sleep deprivation or hormones but I really think you should reconsider how you are being, before you damage your relationship with your inlaws and husband.

many, many women cope with a baby and a toddler. You have the huge benefit of your own family to help! It actually mind boggling that you think this is an issue.

my husband had to leave to work abroad when I had a 2 week old, difficult birth so was still recovering, and a 2 year old and I had no other help, no family or friends. For months. You have available help. This is an non issue.

Itsmeeeeeee · 09/05/2025 09:43

You can cope OP its a day not a month

CarefulN0w · 09/05/2025 09:43

Is there more to this OP?

Most people, even new mums, would be saying just go, take the time you need, I’ll make it work. So I’m curious as to why you don’t even think 24 hours is reasonable.

Sprinklesandsprinkles · 09/05/2025 09:43

I have a toddler and newborn, husband was back to work travelling after 4 weeks. You will be fine! Ask a friend to come over for the day if you need help?

If you were injured when you're older would you like both kids to come and help/check in on you?

PoppyBaxter · 09/05/2025 09:43

Oh wow, grow up OP.

News alert, your husband could leave you or die at any point, so you'd better learn to manage on your own for a day or two!

Your husband wanting to visit his injured mum is a sign of him being a decent man. I always think the way my husband treats his mum is a good barometer for how I may get treated growing old with him.

DancingNotDrowning · 09/05/2025 09:43

Thats a nasty set of injuries and it’s totally reasonable for your DH to visit for 24hrs, I’m sure you could manage even of a few days, it’s not as if he’s going out for a party.

How would you feel at some point in the future if your child couldn’t come to you when you were injured?