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Parenting

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Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
HistoricalOrchard · 09/05/2025 09:24

I think this is actually a good reflection on your dh. He’s visiting his mum after an accident but is mindful about leaving you so is only going for 24 hrs.
I think you are being unreasonable unless there are other reasons why you can’t cope with your two dc for that time.

GoodVibesHere · 09/05/2025 09:25

I'd have thought his mum would be fine as she has her husband and daughter living with her. It's a bit pointless him going for 24 hours. I'd be annoyed but I guess it's going to be difficult to say no without looking like a cow!

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 09/05/2025 09:25

If you were a ‘single parent’ you would be coping on your own every single day.

Let him go with your good wishes, maybe give him a get well card from you and the children. Be kind, be unselfish. Don’t set yourself up as Mrs Unreasonable and Self centred , or……..

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BathTangle · 09/05/2025 09:26

Unless you or the children have additional needs, I think you should be able to manage alone for 24 hours. Is the issue that you have never done overnight with the kids without him before?
You will manage fine I'm sure.

FrenchandSaunders · 09/05/2025 09:26

He'd normally be at work for most of the day, presumably?

I'm not sure why you can't cope for such a short time.

It will give you confidence to know that you can!
Don't involve your parents for such a short time!

Castlereagh · 09/05/2025 09:26

He needs to go and see his mum. You understandably feel like it's going to be really hard with two little ones day and night. I'm sure your mum would want you to go and see her if she was injured like thay. Maybe your mum is just worried she will feel tired and won't manage helping you? I would try and manage myself in your shoes, break up the time by getting out somewhere with the toddler, somewhere you could have a rest too (soft play) or a visit to a friend with similar age toddler. in the night just go easy on yourself, co-sleep, accept you won't sleep much but could have a rest when he's home.

doodleschnoodle · 09/05/2025 09:26

24 hours to see his mum whose had an accident? Sorry OP, YABU about this. It’s a day, two at most. It’ll be fine.

SJM1988 · 09/05/2025 09:26

You are being unreasonable. He is only asking for 24 hours, I'd say a few day were reasonable considering the circumstances.

I think you need to look at why you can't cope for 24 hours without it being an issue. A toddler and newborn are hard to juggle but it's only 24 hours. Stay home, have an early night, don't do anything bar the essentials.

Christwosheds · 09/05/2025 09:26

SolidarityCone · 09/05/2025 09:21

I think you’re being very selfish, it’s not that hard to cope with a baby and a toddler for a couple of days, you might not attain normal standards of housekeeping and there might be a bit too much TV time, but in the scheme of things that is not a problem.

Agree. When I had a 6m old baby and a toddler, we had just moved to a place where I knew nobody. DH frequently had to travel with work, so he would be away for short bursts, two or three days, v occasionally four days. It was hard as my baby woke a lot and I was exhausted, but I got through it. You can manage a couple of days surely ? This is his injured Mum !

wowwhataday · 09/05/2025 09:27

He could do a Teams call. Sounds like mum has loads of actual people around her (5?) so not sure what he’ll add.

rubyslippers · 09/05/2025 09:27

GoodVibesHere · 09/05/2025 09:25

I'd have thought his mum would be fine as she has her husband and daughter living with her. It's a bit pointless him going for 24 hours. I'd be annoyed but I guess it's going to be difficult to say no without looking like a cow!

Maybe her DH wants to see his mum because she’s had a horrible accident

isn’t that a natural reaction and not pointless

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 09/05/2025 09:27

He should go and for at least 48 hours. My DH went on a (non negotiable) work trip for 10 days when DS1 was 22 months and DS2 was 8 weeks. No family support for me. It was a bit tricky at times but perfectly manageable.

OhLucinda · 09/05/2025 09:27

Ask him how he’d feel if you did the same in those circumstances.

Constance1 · 09/05/2025 09:27

Sorry but you are being completely unreasonable. If he was going for a week then I could see your point, but surely you can cope for 24 hours?! Your DH must be so worried about his mum, that sounds like a pretty serious accident. If you stop him from going he won’t forget this and could lead to resentment in the future. Your parents need to butt out and keep their opinions to themselves. There is no need for them to cancel their plans, I’m pretty sure you will cope.

Kipperandarthur · 09/05/2025 09:27

I think it's one of those occasions that you soldier on through as it's only for a short period of time.

LittleLabrador · 09/05/2025 09:27

I think you’ll be fine for a day with a baby and a toddler- are you not on your own with them while he’s in work? I think he sounds like he’s trying to be fair to everyone by seeing his mum to check on her after an accident but only going for 24 hours so you’ll be ok too. He’s not going on holiday there for a week. He doesnt sound selfish to me - I doubt a 24 hour trip to Spain is that fun.

GlitchStitch · 09/05/2025 09:28

YABU, sometimes you just need to see someone to make sure they are okay and put your mind at rest. His Mum will probably be quite traumatised and I'm sure it will give her a boost to see him. I think your Mum is being awful to call him selfish and if I was your DH I wouldn't be forgetting that.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 09/05/2025 09:28

I’d be grateful I was married to the sort of man who gave a crap about his family in difficult circumstances tbh….many wouldn’t

Yabu. It’s only a day,2 at most. You’ll cope

Thewhywhybird · 09/05/2025 09:28

YABU. You will manage for a couple of days . I would want to see my parent after a bad accident, can't you see that?

ladeedarrrry · 09/05/2025 09:28

YABU

ladymalfoy45 · 09/05/2025 09:28

' Sorry Mum, can't come to see you because my DW,your DIL, can't cope without me'.
Imagine one of your DC's said that to you.
You've had loads of suggestions.

user2848502016 · 09/05/2025 09:28

I think in this scenario you just do whatever you need to cope for 24h. Screen time, takeaway delivery, no housework.
His mum can’t walk, poor woman!

MumChp · 09/05/2025 09:28

You will do fine. It's 24 hours.

Only4nomore · 09/05/2025 09:28

YAB massively U

Utterlyincandescently · 09/05/2025 09:29

He's only going for one day. YABU.