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Original poster

Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 09/05/2025 09:29

I’ve heard it all now
A teams call
this is his injured mum - I think he’s being really considerate to both parties here
he can check on his mum and only be away from his family for a day

PrettyPuss · 09/05/2025 09:29

He is a lovely son and you should be very proud of him!

rainbowstardrops · 09/05/2025 09:30

Sorry but I think you’re being unreasonable here. He’s obviously worried about his mum. If you’d said he wanted to go for a couple of weeks, or indefinitely then you’d have a point but it’s just a day or two.
If you really don’t think you’d be able to manage, could you go to your parents instead?

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LolaJ87 · 09/05/2025 09:30

OMG he should absolutely go! Unless you're ill/disabled and incapable of taking care of your children alone for one night? It's hard, of course it's hard, but it's doable and it's not like he's leaving you for a week or to go off and enjoy himself. He's going to check on his mum who has been through a horrible accident. Those are the kinds of values I would want in a man I'm married to.

Also in disbelief at your mum calling your husband selfish when she is fretting about cancelling her own plans.

MissDoubleU · 09/05/2025 09:30

YABU. You’ll have a difficult day or two, yes. You can agree that when he returns he does the majority and gives you a very reasonable break after your stress.

One day? Even two? Come on now. You’ll survive.

penelopemoneypenny · 09/05/2025 09:30

If he can afford the flight then can’t see why this is an issue.

MereNoelle · 09/05/2025 09:30

YABU, sorry. It’s 24 hours. As soon as my DH’s paternity leave was over he went back to being away 2 nights a week with work, and I was at home with an 18 month old and newborn. No family nearby to help either. Is there any particular reason that you think 24 hours will be a struggle?

Velvian · 09/05/2025 09:31

He should definitely go to see his mum @DreamWaves .

OhHellolittleone · 09/05/2025 09:32

She’ll be fine! He can FaceTime and send flowers! You are 6 weeks post partum.He should stay with you.

I think anyone saying otherwise has not had a baby recently. And the ‘I did it all on my own’ brigade’ can pipe down. You need your husbands support more to an his mother. You need the emotional support too.

Westfacing · 09/05/2025 09:32

Up and down the country at this very moment there are thousands of mums caring for a newborn and toddler with no assistance. They could be single, partner away for work, in hospital, etc but I'm sure most are coping well.

He'll be away for a day or two - and it's not like he's off an a stag do or similar, which you read about on here!

In 20 years' time you might be the injured mum and your child will, I hope, drop everything to give you a bit of moral support.

MereNoelle · 09/05/2025 09:32

(In fact I’d probably tell to go for 2-3 days, to make it worthwhile)

UniDaysAcoming · 09/05/2025 09:32

I read your headline thinking he was leaving you with mum with the broken bones and flying off to Spain on a jolly. So was prepared to say YANBU. However seeing as you are not also taking care of mum, and he will be back in 24 hours - YABU.

You don't even need to put extra load on your parents - you'll be fine for a couple of days unless there's some massive backstory (I hope not!).

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/05/2025 09:32

Yabu and so are your parents.

Cosmosgrowinmygarden · 09/05/2025 09:33

For heaven’s sake OP, woman up! When I had my third child, no paternity leave, my husband took a few days holiday and then I was on my own from when baby was nine or ten days old and two toddlers. I’d had a c-section too. I just got on with it, as did the majority of mums back in the 70s and 80s. Be kind! You might need kindness one day.

Mindyourfunkybusiness · 09/05/2025 09:33

Good luck op, this experience will hopefully start your journey in self reliance and self confidence. It's really worth having these sets of skills in general life as you never know what the future will bring.
It doesn't help to hear that majority of women can handle a lot more than the above problem but they all started somewhere!
Also send your blessing and stew silently, hopefully you'll also learn some selflessness which is also good growth.
Overall I'd see this as a growth opportunity so give your blessings and love and tell him to go for longer and gain some experience in being self sufficient and trusting yourself to manage.
Good luck.

And yes, YABVU.

OhHellolittleone · 09/05/2025 09:33

OhHellolittleone · 09/05/2025 09:32

She’ll be fine! He can FaceTime and send flowers! You are 6 weeks post partum.He should stay with you.

I think anyone saying otherwise has not had a baby recently. And the ‘I did it all on my own’ brigade’ can pipe down. You need your husbands support more to an his mother. You need the emotional support too.

Also just because you’ll ‘survive’ doesn’t mean you have to. His mother will also survive. She’s not at deaths door. Use modern tech!

MereNoelle · 09/05/2025 09:33

And the ‘I did it all on my own’ brigade’ can pipe down

Why? We’re just describing our experiences.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/05/2025 09:33

Will it genuinely be 24hrs or is he the type to find another reason once he's gone to stay longer?

doodleschnoodle · 09/05/2025 09:33

I’d be interested what your mum would say if he tried to stop you seeing her sometime.

I’m definitely not the type who would happily wave DH off for a fortnight, but he went to a wedding (no kids allowed) for a weekend when we had 3yo and 8-week-old (about eight hours away so he did two nights) and it was fine. He did offer not to go but it was a good friend of his and I wanted him to go. It was tiring obviously but we were fine, the house was a bit of a mess, we ate a lot of beans, but he walked in door and immediately took kids and I went for a nap. So as long as he’s a hands-on and helpful partner and isn’t away every weekend on a jolly, I wouldn’t object to a one-off thing like this when it’s to see his mum who’s been hurt. Just power through!

DUsername · 09/05/2025 09:33

HistoricalOrchard · 09/05/2025 09:24

I think this is actually a good reflection on your dh. He’s visiting his mum after an accident but is mindful about leaving you so is only going for 24 hrs.
I think you are being unreasonable unless there are other reasons why you can’t cope with your two dc for that time.

I agree with this. I think it's entirely reasonable for him to want to see his mum. I'd want to in those circumstances. He absolutely is aware of the knock on effect or he'd be going for longer. Just because it's going to be a tough 24 hours for you, it doesn't make it wrong for him to go.

TokyoSushi · 09/05/2025 09:33

If you're fit & well then it's absolutely fine, get some nice food in, enjoy the sunshine, you can do it!

OhHellolittleone · 09/05/2025 09:34

Omg OP these comments are driving me loopy. NO. He should not prioritise his mum, who will be fine, and who he can FaceTime with.

lostinthesunshine · 09/05/2025 09:34

YABVU unless there is a drip feed around why you or the kids need additional support.

Why would your parents need to come?

I really think that, if you can’t manage for such a short period of time, you need to have a think about why that is, and what could you do differently. It can’t be good for your mental health to feel that dependent.

SummerIce · 09/05/2025 09:34

If this the first time you’re on your own, it can feel very daunting to be on your own. But it’s just one day. You can do it. Your MIL has had a bad accident and he’s going for just one day to check she’s ok. Clearly going for one day is him going for as little time as possible to support his mum again and then come back to you.

Yeahno · 09/05/2025 09:35

I don't understand this site sometimes. Why can't MIL
cope with her husband and daughter and a call from her son. Why is the OP, who gave birth 5 weeks ago, expected to cope with the baby and toddler.
If the husband is asking OP to get help, he knows she needs the help. Why put your wife in that situation? To go to Spain for 24hrs? In the days of videos calls?
If anyone should cope, it should be MIL.