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Original poster

Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
ThousandYardStare · 09/05/2025 09:50

I'd want to see my Mum if she had broken her wrist.
From a place of kindness, I think you are being unreasonable. You aren't being abandoned. Very young children are overwhelming, I don't remember it fondly at all, but you will be just fine for 24 hours. You'll not have a huge amount of fun, I'm sure, but he'll be back.
You can do it x

Rememberwhatthedoorknobsaid · 09/05/2025 09:51

You sound selfish. Why are you making him choose between his mum and you under these circumstances? Your mum is also selfish and shows zero empathy towards your MIL. I think you need the practice “ coping” on your own.

CanIGoHomeNowPlease · 09/05/2025 09:51

Its his Mother of course he has to go. None of us are getting younger and having had a parent unexpectedly die this year I think it should be his priority to see her.

I would also suggest he stay for a couple of days.

You can absolutely look your children for a couple days by yourself.

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AllThatGlistensIsntCold · 09/05/2025 09:51

I agree it's only 24 hours
However, that works both ways.

He won't be able to help his mum at all, in such a short time and in effect they could do a video call .

As I said, if I was his Mum I'd be gently suggesting that although it would be good to see him, take his wife's feelings into account.

But OP is being a bit pathetic to think she can't cope for 24 hours.

TurquoiseGlasses · 09/05/2025 09:52

YABU. One day.

So many people parent like this all the time or it is a normal part of the week. My husband was away with work at least two nights a week. Loads of my friends have husbands who work away all week or have had to cope with deployment. BIL is away 25 weeks of the year with his job (admittedly SIL did have a nanny to cope with toddler and twin babies during those years - she definitely managed short periods of time (day or so) by herself though!).

Pay someone to come and help you if you're worried about it - I'm sure you will be absolutely fine though. Plan well - have meals prepped etc.

I think you would be quite controlling and ridiculous to even hint at him not going to see his mum under these circumstances.

Ceska · 09/05/2025 09:52

Wow - his mother has had a quite bad accident, and you are complaining about him wanting to go and see her???

You can have support if you need it - you will be fine with 2 dc for a short time. I'd be disgusted with your attitude and lack of support to him if I was him.

Purtyburty · 09/05/2025 09:53

I understand how daunting it feels to be on your own with both children for the first time. I felt like that too and those first post partum weeks were very intense for me. But I promise once you do it it feels like a great achievement and you get through it, you manage. Be kind to yourself in those 24 hours and just do what you can. But your DH should go and visit his mum.

SeeMyReflection · 09/05/2025 09:54

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

Presuming you are in reasonable health 6 weeks after having your baby, I think you are being unreasonable. It’s only a day.

Are you incapacitated in some way though?

2chocolateoranges · 09/05/2025 09:54

I think you are being a bit selfish, if this was me I’d be encouraging my dh to go and see his mum. It’s 24 hours.

if I had told my mum about mil my mum would also be encouraging dh to go and visit his mum and my mum would have offered to stay with me, your mum is being unreasonable.

im sure if your mum had an accident you would want to visit her to make sure she is ok.

diddl · 09/05/2025 09:54

He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

Is that really so bad?

What does his mum say?

BananaPalm · 09/05/2025 09:54

Omg I can’t believe you’re asking this for a 24 hr trip! It ONE day. What would single mums say if they read your post? Ridiculous.

Westfacing · 09/05/2025 09:54

My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us

I think you've been influenced by your mum's unkind response - if she'd been supportive and said yes of course we can help out you might be feeling differently.

TheCompactPussycat · 09/05/2025 09:55

YABU. It's only 24 hours. He should go if that's what he would like to do for his mum.

If one of your parents was ill and you wanted to visit them, how would you feel if your husband said no, you had to stay and help him look after your children?

DonkeyDumpling · 09/05/2025 09:55

67676767ttt · 09/05/2025 09:46

Not sure how to play this one.

"See you in 24hrs H. I am a grown woman who can cope being on her own for a day. Send her my love"

HTH

”…In fact stay a couple of days”.

Obviously a back story here. I’m guessing OP and her own mother are not too keen on the MIL.

Teenybub · 09/05/2025 09:56

Suggest 48 hours and him take the toddler. Might cheer his mum up, less for you to manage at home.

brunettemic · 09/05/2025 09:57

You’re surely joking? Whether his mum has other people there is irrelevant, she’s had a nasty accident and he wants to be there for her. The amount of posts on here about awful men who don’t care about anyone but themselves and yet here we are with posts calling a guy out for caring.
Imagine if this was the other way around, it would be LTB, he’s controlling, he’s pathetic if he can’t have his children for a day etc etc.
If you block him from going I look forward to your post complaining about him doing the same, make you include a link to this thread to give us the full story.

MoistVonL · 09/05/2025 09:57

YABVU

He’s neither use nor ornament to you if he’s fretting about his mum. Of course he should go and see her, reassure himself she’s ok, give her a hug. She’s had a really nasty accident.

I managed for 48 hours alone with a newborn and a toddler after a C section because DH’s father was admitted to hospital. It was a difficult two days, but that’s not important in the face of everything else.

The time will be over in a flash.

DonkeyDumpling · 09/05/2025 09:57

He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

What a monster! LTB 🤨

Silvers11 · 09/05/2025 09:57

I'd be encouraging him to go for 2 or 3 days. His Mum has been quite badly hurt and of course he wants to see her. It's your Mum and you who are the selfish ones here @DreamWaves

Of course you can cope. It won't be fun, but it'll be fine. Have some compassion

TheDevilFindsWorkForIdleMums · 09/05/2025 09:58

I mean this in the kindest way but get a grip. Honestly 🙄

ThatsNotMyTeen · 09/05/2025 09:58

It’s one day. Plenty of women have to cope on their own either all the time or for longer. It’s only looking after 2 children. Not easy or fun but not impossible either

midlifeattheoasis · 09/05/2025 09:58

YABVU

tinyspiny · 09/05/2025 09:58

For a short trip it’s perfectly reasonable , your mum should keep her beak out .

dottydodah · 09/05/2025 09:58

This sounds daunting I know ,but it's a fairly short space of time really.If your parents are nearby can they just pop in or take the toddler out maybe ? I think if he doesnt go then he will be worried .I think he sounds kind to want to go and be there for her.

andweallloveclover · 09/05/2025 09:59

YABVU of course he should go. Its his Mum FFS!

And yes, you are being insensitive and thinking only about yourself and you will feel and cope.

Its 24 hours!! Try being more supportive and just get on with it. Many women get left alone with two small children for much much longer than this with no outside support at home. You will survive.

Figure out how you are going to do things, just for 24 hours, that will make your life easier while he is away. Food preparation for example and organising activities that will keep the older one amused while you tend to the baby.

Do you have family or friends close by that could call by and give you a hand if you want it?