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Original poster

Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
DeskJotter · 10/05/2025 06:13

minipie · 09/05/2025 09:37

You will manage without him

BUT

His mum will also manage without him. She has husband, daughter and son in law there.

I’m not sure why so many people are saying he should go. To me it’s clear that - given the other support his mum has - he is more
needed at home. He can rally round and do emotional support from the UK.

Him going is more about what will make him feel better than about others’ needs IMO.

Yes, maybe he wants to go to see his mum and reassure himself that she is OK/be close to her after a shock. Men are allowed to have feelings and needs too, you know. His job isn't to live selflessly at all times prioritising his wife's (frankly ridiculous) demands.

lilylooleelala · 10/05/2025 06:14

MereNoelle · 09/05/2025 09:32

(In fact I’d probably tell to go for 2-3 days, to make it worthwhile)

Me too!

DeskJotter · 10/05/2025 06:15

Hiddenbump · 09/05/2025 09:39

HI OP I think you are getting some harsh responses on here. If his mother is recovering and is being well minded then I don't see what benefit a 24 hour visit would be. Lots of people cope/ have to cope with a newborn and a toddler but if you don't think you will cope or simply don't want the extra burden the trip would cause then I don't think you are being unreasonable..perhaps he could arrange a trip in a few weeks when you are more used to having a baby and a toddler and he could go for longer than 24 hours. Also having a six week old is incredibly hard and the sleep depravation is extreme, I think a lot of the commenters on here may have forgotten that and some are responding harshly.

I don't get the feeling that the OP would "let" him go in a few weeks, either...

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DeskJotter · 10/05/2025 06:17

MogsKittens · 09/05/2025 09:44

I also cannot understand all of these comments. It’s fucking difficult looking after a newborn and a toddler. The newborn is six weeks old and the family has likely not got into a new routine yet. If the husband’s employer has decent family leave policies (as mine has) he may still be on paternity leave and OP may never have had the children on her own before. The husband is not an only child, his mum has plenty of support from other adults in the family and as others have said, he can FaceTime to check on her. Perhaps he could go and visit later in her recovery when his baby is a little older and OP has got more used to having two children.

I honestly think some PPs have completely forgotten when it’s like when you have a new baby, especially when you already have other children. Someone above said OP is an experienced parent - perhaps, but not of two!

I’m sure you will cope if you have to, but it’s not ideal and not necessary, at least not immediately.

It's just for a day, calm down.

usererror57 · 10/05/2025 06:21

It’s only a day! I really don’t understand these mums who seemingly can’t be alone with or parent their young children alone

terracelane23 · 10/05/2025 06:31

It’s only 24 hours. I think that’s reasonable.

wishIwasonholiday10 · 10/05/2025 06:32

usererror57 · 10/05/2025 06:21

It’s only a day! I really don’t understand these mums who seemingly can’t be alone with or parent their young children alone

She might be surviving on a few hours broken sleep or needing to hold the baby all day and night. Everything can feel hard when you are seriously sleep deprived.

Scrabbelator · 10/05/2025 06:54

Of course he should go. If you can't manage 24 hours on your own with your 2 kids, that's kind of worrying.

Creesla · 10/05/2025 07:12

OP, I'd usually say at six weeks you are tired, feeling overwhelmed and your judgement is impacted. That said, your own mothers response is interesting, she has very little empathy or support to give. Families are a community, we support each other and turn up for each other. Your own mum seems begrudging to help for even one day. Have you inherited some of her values and beliefs? In years to come, if you are in a serious accident, won't you hope your sons partners will support them to visit you for ONE day? You reap what you sow. If you had parents who were naturally helpful and supportive, you might feel very differently.

fortuneofthefearless · 10/05/2025 07:38

A lot of this is probably him testing your reaction to see if he'll receive understanding. He needs support from you in this situation too.

user8636283907 · 10/05/2025 07:45

Lol OP come on!!!

nomas · 10/05/2025 08:17

Thread has descended into people not reading the thread, rushing into attacking the OP and then rushing to the end of the thread to see how people have reacted to their posts.

1SillySossij · 10/05/2025 08:49

I think a mother should be confident in her ability to deal with her own (only 2!) children. Hopefully surviving this very short break will boost the Op's confidence!

Quicksilver15 · 10/05/2025 09:35

I could understand your logic if baby was 2 weeks old and you had some kind of physical or surgical recovery still going on! But otherwise this is no big deal, I find your parents response also slightly weird that they even said he’s got his priorities wrong, it’s 24 hours… Maybe they could of been more supportive but even if they aren’t it’s not long to get by with no help! Get a baby carrier and then you can carry on hands free looking after the older one.

Umidontknow · 10/05/2025 10:48

ThePenguinIsDrunk · 09/05/2025 14:15

So it's about him not her then? I still think the same - it's him going out there to make himself feel better about being a 'good son' and not to help out his mum. I just can't understand this attitude that he should ditch his wife who has a 6 week old baby to cope with and rush off to see his mum when it serves no one.

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What a really weird take on a man caring about his mum 😆. He hardly sounds selfish if this woman seems to think she cannot cope for one day with out him - he must be doing a lot around the house as well as presumably working. I'm sure you would think it was outrageous if a man refused to let his wife go to see her mother after an accident because she had to stay home and look after the children and clean the house. Let's face it if OPs parents are in their 70s they will be needing her help soon enough.

soupyspoon · 10/05/2025 10:53

Moonshinerso · 09/05/2025 09:20

Is there a reason you won’t cope for 24 hours, most would be able to unless there are extenuating circumstances.

If anything I would encourage him to go for at least a couple of days.

Edited

Yes this, not sure whether it being 24 hours is relevant. Surely you can cope on your own to care for your own children, as you would need him to do if you needed to go away/in hospital or whatever?

Its normal to want to see your parent after an accident/injury.

stichguru · 10/05/2025 11:00

What worries me most about this post is the fact that your think you can't cope with your 2 young kids for 24hours with help from someone? Like of course you can unless you have a serious health condition or something. I'm not sure that DP needs to go to see his mum given she has other family around her and hasn't got life threatening injuries or anything, but the fact that you can't cope with your kids is odd.

nomas · 10/05/2025 11:06

stichguru · 10/05/2025 11:00

What worries me most about this post is the fact that your think you can't cope with your 2 young kids for 24hours with help from someone? Like of course you can unless you have a serious health condition or something. I'm not sure that DP needs to go to see his mum given she has other family around her and hasn't got life threatening injuries or anything, but the fact that you can't cope with your kids is odd.

Her baby was born 6 weeks ago, give her a break FFS.

soupyspoon · 10/05/2025 11:07

4naans · 09/05/2025 22:55

Yes we should all live as though it's WW2 for literally no reason at all.

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No reason at all?

soupyspoon · 10/05/2025 11:23

MyLittleNest · 09/05/2025 14:31

My read on this is that OP feels like she's in a time of need and now MIL feels she is, however MIL has her husband and daughter there.

I do think that OP can cope for 24 hours. However, I see this from both sides.

There may some more backstory too...

Its not necessarily about need of the MIL, its about you as a daughter or son, seeing your parent after what sounds like a serious accident, leaving her with broken bones and currently immobile.

soupyspoon · 10/05/2025 11:30

Scottishmamma · 09/05/2025 13:34

I think some people are being unnecessarily harsh…baby is only 6 weeks old and she may not have been on her own with them both yet! I know I would be a little anxious to be left by my partner for the first time with my new baby and toddler whether it was for only 24 hours or not. I understand that it’s an awful situation for the mil but she isn’t alone, she has support and is being looked after. It seems like a pointless journey for 24hrs also. He has a responsibility to his wife and his new baby & his toddler first and foremost but people couldn’t wait to pounce!

Edited

What? At 6 weeks never been on her own with them both?

Does she need supervision or something, is there a court order or child protection plan in place where she cant be left with the children on her own?

Why would she not have been with the kids on her own?

soupyspoon · 10/05/2025 11:33

ThePenguinIsDrunk · 09/05/2025 14:15

So it's about him not her then? I still think the same - it's him going out there to make himself feel better about being a 'good son' and not to help out his mum. I just can't understand this attitude that he should ditch his wife who has a 6 week old baby to cope with and rush off to see his mum when it serves no one.

Show quote history

What bullshit

So what if its about his needs, is it not allowed to want to see your seriously injured and immobile parent after an accident even if other family members are also seeing them?

As others have said, if the roles were reversed people would be shouting 'red flag' for the party preventing or moaning about the other one going to see their parent.

Really bad attitude from the OP

CallMeBettyBoop · 10/05/2025 11:37

Give over, OP. He should go and give his poor mum a hug.

stichguru · 10/05/2025 11:38

nomas · 10/05/2025 11:06

Her baby was born 6 weeks ago, give her a break FFS.

Show quote history

Yes exactly 6 weeks, not 6 days! Some dad's are having to say away overnight for work a couple of nights weekly after their 2 week paternity leave ends!

soupyspoon · 10/05/2025 11:52

Potatopeeler25 · 09/05/2025 09:44

You should support him going and share concern over his poor mum. You should spend the alone time reflecting on why your mum voiced aloud her (unreasonable in my view) opinion about your husband being selfish. Comments like this, especially if a common occurrence, are overstepping boundaries and can cause fractures in relationships. Think of it another way - what if your mum had reacted with concern about your MIL, and asked in support whether your husband would be going to see her. I imagine you would be feeling a lot differently about him going. We can be influenced so much by other people’s opinions, please be careful this isn’t happening to you.

I think this is really important, OPs mother sounds quite negative and toxic. Why is she not reassuring her daughter that she is a skilled, competent mother, who can manage such a situation on her own but also, you know Im on hand if you need advice or support while he is away

OP has likely been brought up in such an environment and so cant see it, thinks its a normal response to fall right into victim/hard done by mode.

Theres an assumption from OP that she must have help and that help can only come from her mother if husband is not around. Her first port of call should be to know she can manage. Actually the first port of call is to have some empathy for what sounds like a horrendous experience for the MIL and the shock her husband might be feeling that such a thing has occured, nothing expressed of that I notice.