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Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
Gremlins101 · 09/05/2025 21:10

A broken pubic bone sounds horrendous...
You'll manage for a day with your kids.

I understand you are feeling anxious, but you are being a little bit unreasonable.

Prepare snacks before hand/have a bottle ready if needed, and sit down on the floor with the baby and toddler and let them play. Don't try to do too much. Don't worry if they don't eat/sleep at exactly the right times. Let your toddler pretend help with the baby, fetch nappies etc. Spend time chatting to your toddler (as much as they can chat) and big up toddler as an important member of the "team" while daddy is gone.

I did a 20 hour drive to visit family when my 2 were that age and it was rough but noone has lasting damage so I say embrace the challenge 😄

You could even just go for a long weekend in Spain too?

Donenow1 · 09/05/2025 21:22

Natsku · 09/05/2025 09:21

You are being unreasonable, its barely any time at all and his mum is hurt. Imagine if your mum had an accident and you wanted to go be with her for a couple of days as support and your husband said no?

I couldn't agree more. The OP is being extremely difficult and unreasonable. I might also wager that injuries such as this can be extremely detrimental to older folk. Personally for the future of the relationship she would be very wise to let her husband go. If my husband had made any attempt to stop me going to my late Mother after an accident it would be a major red flag and I have to say I would be reviewing the future of the relationship.

TheBishopIsKillingMe · 09/05/2025 21:44

YABVU

Interested in this thread?

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Tourmalines · 09/05/2025 21:46

So your mother told you that she thought your husband was selfish for wanting to go and visit his mum with broken bones , and only for 24hours at that .But yet here you are constantly talking about your mum and how you have to ask her for advice and how you think it would inconvenience her just for staying one night with you . It’s all you you you and your mum . Both selfish. I’d bet you’d go and see her if she broke her bones .

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 21:47

It smacks of being a bi t of a jolly for DH.

SelinaPlace · 09/05/2025 22:07

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 21:47

It smacks of being a bi t of a jolly for DH.

Yeah, when I want a jolly I dash off to Spain for a 24 hour flying visit to check on my mother who’s broken several bones in an accident. Can all the many Mners who say they dread going on holiday because of the stress of the airport and flights really think that two flights inside 24 hours sounds like fun?

MereNoelle · 09/05/2025 22:10

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 21:47

It smacks of being a bi t of a jolly for DH.

I can’t think of many things less ‘jolly’ than flying to Spain to visit a parent who has been in a serious accident then flying home again within 24 hours, all while my wife was at home hating me for having gone!

Tourmalines · 09/05/2025 22:17

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 21:47

It smacks of being a bi t of a jolly for DH.

How so ?

Dunnocantthinkofone · 09/05/2025 22:48

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 21:47

It smacks of being a bi t of a jolly for DH.

If that’s your idea of a jolly, you’ve had an extremely miserable existence thus far

It couldn’t sound LESS like a jolly!

4naans · 09/05/2025 22:55

MyDeftDuck · 09/05/2025 13:20

Hmmmm………think back 86 years and consider all those wives left behind with babies and children whilst their braver husbands, as well as countless others, fought for our freedom…….enough said. 🙄

Yes we should all live as though it's WW2 for literally no reason at all.

4naans · 09/05/2025 22:57

JRM17 · 09/05/2025 21:02

If you can't cope alone for 24hrs with 2 children then you should not have had 2 children. You are being extremely unreasonable and very selfish. Not to sound morbid but what would you do if your OH passed away and you had to look after 2 children everyday for the next 18yrs. If you can't cope for 24hrs then something is very wrong.

It would be very hard if that happened.
What's the relevance?

CalicoQuince · 09/05/2025 23:35

He sounds like the sort of loyal and kind man someone would be very lucky to be married to.

LBFseBrom · 09/05/2025 23:42

CalicoQuince · 09/05/2025 23:35

He sounds like the sort of loyal and kind man someone would be very lucky to be married to.

I agree. He is a gem.

Infracat · 09/05/2025 23:58

Is this for real? Of course he should go and be with his mum!

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 10/05/2025 00:03

Ignore the whinging ninnies OP. You are right to feel the way you do. People are being exceptionally mean and personal on this thread.

Welshmonster · 10/05/2025 00:20

Maybe he wants to see his mum is ok for himself. Imagine it was your mum and you couldn’t go.

why not get baby a passport and all fly out for a couple of days. You don’t have school age kids so no fines. Plenty of people travel with young kids.

2chocolateoranges · 10/05/2025 00:27

I can't believe how many selfish women are on this thread. I bet if it was their mum they would be the first to visit them

I'd be there in a heartbeat if it was my mum and I'd be supporting dh to do the same.

Readytohealnow · 10/05/2025 01:02

Welshmonster · 10/05/2025 00:20

Maybe he wants to see his mum is ok for himself. Imagine it was your mum and you couldn’t go.

why not get baby a passport and all fly out for a couple of days. You don’t have school age kids so no fines. Plenty of people travel with young kids.

I imagine that having a toddler and a newborn around would be anything but restful for the poor convalescing woman. Plus all the attention would be on the kids and their needs and not her.
DH needs to go alone, regardless of what his MIL says.

caringcarer · 10/05/2025 01:55

rubyslippers · 09/05/2025 09:20

He absolutely should go and see his mum who’s had a horrible accident
you can mange for one day surely? Not ideal but I understand why he wants to see her
juggling a new born and toddler will be ok - it’s going to be nice weather so get out for a wander in the park etc

He wants to see his Mum to make sure she is as ok as she can be. It a day or 2. You can muddle through for a day.

caringcarer · 10/05/2025 01:58

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 21:47

It smacks of being a bi t of a jolly for DH.

You have a sick sense of humour if you think 2 flights in 24 hours is fun.

Miaminmoo · 10/05/2025 02:45

I think 24 hours is a reasonable request - it’s obviously not really about help and more that he wants to see his Mum since she got injured? Is it really so overwhelming to have 2 children on your own for 24 hours so he can show some kindness to his Mum? Remember - those little children of yours will be adults some day and I’m sure you would appreciate them coming to see you if you were injured.

Gorgeousfeet · 10/05/2025 03:59

SolidarityCone · 09/05/2025 09:21

I think you’re being very selfish, it’s not that hard to cope with a baby and a toddler for a couple of days, you might not attain normal standards of housekeeping and there might be a bit too much TV time, but in the scheme of things that is not a problem.

Agree one hundred percent

nomas · 10/05/2025 04:45

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 12:33

Thanks for all your responses.

In case any one is interested, I hadn’t spoken to my husband yet about any of this as wanted advice first. I asked my mum for advice which she gave to me and only me. We are both very fond of my MIL who we are of course extremely sympathetic towards and I’m aware I have a very compassionate husband.

I have told him he must go, but after he spoke to his mum she said he should stay as she has lots of support there. My mum would absolutely say the same in the same position (for those of you raised this). I have left the decision to him.

I appreciate the advice on both sides of the argument so thank you (although I think some points could have been more kindly written! I came here for advice not a roasting).

His mum is more sensible after an accident than most of the women on this thread!

Of course he should stay! His mum has lots of support and you have very little! And a tiny 6 week old and toddler! Good grief, this place is a cesspit at times.

DeskJotter · 10/05/2025 06:02

I think you'll be fine for 24 hours, this wouldn't have bothered me at all. You won't need help from parents to look after you own kids for a day, surely?

DeskJotter · 10/05/2025 06:05

LilacPony · 09/05/2025 09:22

I really do appreciate how you feel. It’s just 24 hours. Have no plans, you could all stay in pyjamas the whole time, have no expectations on yourself, have takeaway delivered, plan no housework etc. have the toddler pick a film with popcorn. It’ll go quickly. Just have zero expectations on yourself.

I mean, would we say this to a Dad? Just get on with life normally, no need to turn into a slob. It's just 24 hours of normal life.