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Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
Thesunishining · 09/05/2025 18:41

Yes, he should go. It is his mum, he is worried and want to be there for her. Do you have anyone: friend or family that can help you a bit.

Nopicturesallowed · 09/05/2025 18:43

You are being unreasonable. It’s 24 hours, not several days. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Would you want to be with your mum? I’m sure you and the children can survive 24 hours without him?

Horserider5678 · 09/05/2025 18:43

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 18:22

Christ, what's wrong with MN tonight.
DH Mum is in Spain, with plenty of support and it's not critical.
OP is at home with a DC and a new baby, that's where DH should be, with his immediate family. I'm sure his Mum would understand.

Because OP is being pathetic! What does she do when he’s at work all day? It’s 24 hours not 24 days! I’m certain if it was the other way round she’d be off like a shot!

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ANiceBigCupOfTea · 09/05/2025 19:04

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 18:22

Christ, what's wrong with MN tonight.
DH Mum is in Spain, with plenty of support and it's not critical.
OP is at home with a DC and a new baby, that's where DH should be, with his immediate family. I'm sure his Mum would understand.

My DH's grandmother broke a bone in her early 80s, so just a few years older than the MiL (assuming she's the same age as OP's mum) and though she was recovering well at first, she died a week later. So yeah if I was the DH I would also be moving mountains to see my mum.

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 09/05/2025 19:07

AllThatGlistensIsntCold · 09/05/2025 15:51

Oh for goodness sake. This has turned into some sort of competition about who can relate the worst case scenarios about 'the elderly' with a broken bone.
For a start she may be very fit - she was cycling.
Another - dying from a broken hip happens usually when the person has co-morbidities and ends up in bed, rather than being mobile, where they develop either pneumonia or circulation problems.
To give another side to this, I know several elderly people who were well into their 80s who broke hips and were fine afterwards.

The MIL hasn't broken their hip, she's broken her pelvis.

The OP states that she is immobile.

heroinechic · 09/05/2025 19:12

Why is there still so much horrible shite rolling in on this thread?

You can stop frothing, the postpartum mother got the message and updated 7 whole hours ago to say that she’d told her husband he must go.

MyPantsAreMissing · 09/05/2025 19:19

What are you going to do if he ever gets a flu or slips a disc and is out of action?
I think you need to flip this around in your head and not think about yourself, especially since it is only one day.

Limehawkmoth · 09/05/2025 19:25

Op, gently, Breaking a pubic bone is serious stuff. Particualrly if she menopausal. It’s part of your pelvis. Anyone who’s had pubic symphysis during pregnancy will know it means excruciating pain during standing and walking.

she will have fallen hard to do that. There is a real shock that comes with falling as you get older. Sort of caught up with me in my mid 50s that falling doesn’t mean I just get up and carry on normally with a bit of an ouch, that was silly. It makes you feel very vulnerable, and very sore all over. Ligaments will be shocked and achy

all in all she’ll be feeling a bit crap, sore, vulnerable etc. I’d want to see my so. In those circumstances. As would any normal woman, a bit of tlc, and show of care and kindness to cheer someone up. Your dh is reacting normally as any DS should.

ok, it’s a pain they’re in Spain. And it means longer away. But that’s not anyone fault- it’s circumstances. You have to be prepared to accept that as your parents age, shit happens, medical emergencies and parents need their kids to help sort out the fallout, and help them feel loved and cared for. One day it will be you. Do you want your toddler or baby as adults to refuse to see visit you because their spouse says it’ll put out normal routine. I watched my exh walk away from his dying mother in hospital because he felt his desire to go home becuase he was bored with waiting for her to die, was more important than a lonely, frightened women left alone to die. I haunted by the look on her face, and me being left to sit it out with her. Don’t be that person.

emergencies happen. They’ll happen all through this period of raising kids. You need to pull on your big pants and find solutions to enable him to do the right thing in this emergency. Sure, if mil keeps falling over every week and demanding his attention and he goes flying off at every beck and call, then you have dh issue. But it isn’t, he’s already willing to drop visit if you say so. Please don’t say so.

frankly your mum sounds unhelpful or worse. Would she like thst if boot was on other foot? Why isn’t she saying I’m here to help, I’ll come round in evening for an hour during bedtime rush to support you? Form what you say she just is persuading you it’s unreasonable.

shit happens. That requires urgent changes. Change is uncomfortable. And stressful. But it is life. Sometimes with small kids we face change as an impossible barrier, but we can overcome it, build our confidence for next crisis in our ability to deal with the shit. It’s not a habit of his. It is an emergency. Do the right thing. You know it is, otherwise you’d have listened to your mum, not posted to other mums

Limehawkmoth · 09/05/2025 19:28

heroinechic · 09/05/2025 19:12

Why is there still so much horrible shite rolling in on this thread?

You can stop frothing, the postpartum mother got the message and updated 7 whole hours ago to say that she’d told her husband he must go.

Oops, I’m supportive for him to go …but didn’t see that reponse. 😳. That’s good then

CarpetKnees · 09/05/2025 19:30

Excellent post @Limehawkmoth

FuckityFux · 09/05/2025 19:30

What a total drama lama. Of course he should stay home with you. You’re his family now. His mother presumably has a partner and his brother is going anyway. Why does he need to go? She’s not about to die. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d be totally mortified if one of our adult kids thought we needed minding after something minor like a fall. 😆

Generally, when we’ve had bad health news, we keep it to ourselves until the outcome is clear or it’s fully resolved. DH (70’s) was in hospital recently for two weeks receiving treatment and we didn’t tell either of our adult DC until he was home again. They’ve got their own families to deal with.

godmum56 · 09/05/2025 19:36

Arina22 · 09/05/2025 14:39

Answer my question.

Do you really think that a woman cant look after two kids by herself, for one day.?

Its this really. I mean shit does happen in people's lives and if a healthy woman cannot manage her children for 24 hours, they maybe she shouldn't be in sole charge of them ever? The second issue is whether she should do it on this occasion....this is a bit more nuanced but on balance I'd say yes....

Pppppplease · 09/05/2025 19:37

You'll cope just fine its the thought of it happening that I found worse, my partner went away for 3 weeks whilst I had a 5 week old and 2 others under 5, we survived, I was knackered by the end, but we survived. 24 hours isn't bad at all and it is his mum, id want to go to my mum in the same situation

Plumnora · 09/05/2025 19:37

YABU. It's a day!!!! It's his mum.

ByDearBear · 09/05/2025 19:48

Yes, you’re being completely unreasonable. It’s 24 hours, half of which you’ll be asleep. He is concerned for his mother and wants to check on her and show her some love. That’s what good people do when their mothers have been in an accident. Your mother should show some compassion. I’m sure she’d expect a visit if she had broken bones! You are both being self, not your husband.

commonsense61 · 09/05/2025 20:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

momtoboys · 09/05/2025 20:00

It's a day. Listen to how you sound. Surely you have a friend, neighbor who can help if you get into a pinch.

abs12 · 09/05/2025 20:09

Be grateful you have a husband who cares. You'll be fine, it's a day. Seriously. You'll rise to the occasion. I know this because women all over the world do it on a daily basis.

PersonalBest · 09/05/2025 20:34

How has this so many replies? I think it's just a pile on now.

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 20:42

Nope, still can't see the fuss about having to race off to DM whilst she's got a DH and others around her. OP's DP to be quite honest, isn't going to be of any use, he's got to got back home, can't look after his DM.
If anyone thinks 24 hrs away actually means 24 hrs is delusional. It's going to be 3 days, lets face it.
The question is - who needs the support the most. Who is without immediate support.
No question, OP here DH support, more than his DM needs it.

MereNoelle · 09/05/2025 20:46

I think the OP has probably got the message now

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/05/2025 20:50

TheSilentSister · 09/05/2025 20:42

Nope, still can't see the fuss about having to race off to DM whilst she's got a DH and others around her. OP's DP to be quite honest, isn't going to be of any use, he's got to got back home, can't look after his DM.
If anyone thinks 24 hrs away actually means 24 hrs is delusional. It's going to be 3 days, lets face it.
The question is - who needs the support the most. Who is without immediate support.
No question, OP here DH support, more than his DM needs it.

It’s quite possible for a person to love several people.

OP’s husband loves his mum and wants to see her, reassure her, whilst she’s injured. Broken pubic bone sounds fucking awful.

My husband worked away from home 5 days each week when our kids were tiny and small. We also hosted Sixth form students.

24 hours - really - isn’t the end of the world.

If OP posted saying her mum was injured overseas, bet most posters would say her husband was an arse for baulking at a day and night to see/reassure her.

JRM17 · 09/05/2025 21:02

If you can't cope alone for 24hrs with 2 children then you should not have had 2 children. You are being extremely unreasonable and very selfish. Not to sound morbid but what would you do if your OH passed away and you had to look after 2 children everyday for the next 18yrs. If you can't cope for 24hrs then something is very wrong.

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/05/2025 21:04

Feck all the mean girls are out today. Six weeks after having a baby can be a terrible time physically and emotionally.

sarah419 · 09/05/2025 21:07

you’ll be fine. let him see his mum!