6-8 year old parenting club birthday partys, homework and extracurricular decisions

[2in2022twoyearson]

Hi,
Anyone want to join me navigating this age of parenting? Children could be outside this age bracket.

There's lots of baby toddler advice groups and some teen groups but this age I feel a bit in the dark.

I have a soon to be 7 year old girl. She's amazing, loves school, but I often feel like I'm doing or saying the wrong thing to and with her. She's going through a stroppy stage, finds school tiring.

Me and her dad work a lot and we haven't signed her up to many extra curriculum clubs, some of her peers have done loads since reception.

We're planning her birthday party and she has lots of opinions about it, I'm feeling the pressure!

I think that's the most important thing to try and do - not compare. Easier said than done sometimes though.

I think that's the most important thing to try and do - not compare. Easier said than done sometimes though.

This. Also different children suit different things. At 6 & 7, mine seem to have no off button but now at 10, dc1 prioritises time with his friends rather than activities. I imagine dc2 will go the same way. I have the hard rule of swimming, a sport (dc1 does kickboxing and dc2 plays football) and something else (they're both in Scouting). Dc2 does do more but dc1 doesn't.

Around 8, our school offers free violin lessons (they also provide the violin which lives at home with them to practice) which dc1 really enjoys and dc2 is hoping to start soon. The local authority also run concerts and afternoons where they can go and learn a piece together and see what it's like to play in a group.

My DD does like her downtime but her some of her friends don't seem to have an off switch like @SkeletonBatsflyatnight children.

My DD does like her downtime but her some of her friends don't seem to have an off switch like children.

And that's ok. Some kids grow out of it and start valuing downtime. Others don't. Equally some people grow into wanting/needing less chill time. I'm well aware that dc2's current schedule wouldn't suit most of her friends (apart from the one she attends 90 percent of it with) and the one that dc1 had at the same age wouldn't have suited any of his. He can still come back from a 2 night cub camp in which he maybe slept for 4 hours and want to go for a run or climb a hill (once he's eaten his second and third breakfast). They both have solid friendships with children who do different levels of extra curriculars from none to loads and I haven't seen any judgement either way.

Although I think knowing how to relax and take downtime is a skill I wished I'd learned as a child because I still struggle now.

Exactly @SkeletonBatsflyatnight I had lots of extracurricular as a kid but also siblings to play with and just relaxing on my own is a skill I learnt older. My DD, as the oldest with a much younger brother is much more skilled at that.

My eldest's need for downtime definitely changed as she aged. When she was 8 she joined every single club that school offered! The next year she didn't do anything except Scouts The year after she carried on with Scouts, went back to Circus School, did Parkour at school and started Ju-jitsu.

DS wasn't even able to cope with any extra curriculars until this year, all the times I tried before he wouldn't follow instructions at all.

We have a sports day coming up. How do your kids find this? My DD is quite neutral towards it. I went to reception one but didn't book it off in year one, there's so much else like assemblies etc. But this year it falls on my day off so I'm watching it. Today they had practice and she was telling us how she wasn't quite last in a race.

No sports day here this year but next year they have a cross county race that parents are invited to watch but not a lot go from experience with DD. I miss proper sports days!

Mine aren't super keen. Both sporty and both like running but can't be bothered with novelty races like the egg & spoon. We had a (competitive) 3k fun run at the weekend and they both enjoyed that far more (possibly because they were both in the top 10 and dc2 beat all her peers plus a lot of older kids).

Scool run was interesting today. DD had a mini strop when leaving the house tying her hair up because I told her she hadn't brushed her hair.

Last night we went to 'messy church' which is my dds favourite thing, her friends go, they do crafts a meal and a playground and a little children's service.

Then when I was driving she said 'I believe in science but I don't believe in god. I like going to church but I don't believe in god. I have endless questions about god, endless!.' I feel the same.

Had to write that down before starting work and I forget.

My DS became obsessed with God and religion after starting preschool. We're not religious and he is excused from religious education but I told the school he doesn't need to be kept away from other religious things like church visits and I guess his teacher is quite religious as he talks a lot about the things she says about religion. At other times he says God isn't real. Its all just passing interests at this age I think and I'm just leaving him to it, he'll figure out his own beliefs as he gets older.

We're on holiday in Lapland right now which means very late bedtimes as the sun doesn't really set so doesn't feel right sending him to bed when the sun is still shining brightly! Thankfully he is sleeping in late rather than waking up early so still getting roughly the right amount of sleep. Its so lovely not to be tied to a routine right now, and watching him playing outside with his sister and cousins late in the evening. We've seen lots of reindeer too, which I never tire of - we still all rush outside if we see them through the window.

We lost DS in the train station on our way to Lapland but he had his watch phone on so was able to call me and tell me where he was. So glad I got him a watch phone.

Lapland sounds amazing.

Its my favourite place.

The RE lessons at my DD school sound quite good and balanced. They teach children to tolerant of others beliefs and look at themes that are across lots of faiths, and specific religious festivals. Dds teacher is Muslim but she's not talked about alla at all so I don't think she discusses religion. My mum's a teacher and the UK, and her personally would not discuss her personal beliefs with students.

Messy church sounds really good.

My ds are on their summer holidays now. 6yo is doing fine. 11yo with asd is difficult. He's at the age where he won't listen to anything I say so we both end up cross with every conversation.

I'm feeling really bad today as we had cross words again this morning before I left for work. He's with the childminder all day now and he told her I am always telling him off 😪

The RE lessons here are pretty specific to Lutheranism (they also organise religious education for other religions if there's enough children belonging to the religion) for much of it, though 7th grade is just looking at all the world religions. My children do the secular version instead - ethics, so instead of going to RE lessons (unless its the parts where they aren't focused on Lutheranism) they go to a small class with the ethics teacher. Once the Ethics teacher set homework of doing as much housework as they could that week - was brilliant!

@Imperfectpolly 11 can be a tough age* but hopefully he'll start listening again soon

*though my 11 year old cousin is with us on holiday and he is a delight, immediately plays with DS when he asks, has proper conversations with adults and his English is amazing. But I suspect he's very much unusual for an 11 year old boy!

My DD has transition day today. She's in a 2 form entry and they're mixing the classes next year so today she's hoping for a specific teacher next year and for her best to still be in her class. I'm hoping she has a good day. It's meant to be 30 degrees but they have Aircon.

Fingers crossed she gets what she wants

We've had our first transition day here too. Just had the email from the school on who the teacher will be. Very relieved! Not that the other teacher isn't great, but my son had a preference too. Phew!

Well, I know she's got the teacher but don't know about best friend. A parent has set up a WhatsApp poll so I know some of her new class. She has at least 3-4 friends she works well with in the new class. They don't seem to have mixed them much, maybe just a few children. She'll tell me this evening, but I'm not collecting until after 5 and inpatient.

Best friend is not in her class, ex best friend who has caused upset when they were friends now is. She's got a few friends/ ones she works well with in her class. I never thought I'd be that parent so involved in friendships, but I really hope the boy who's now back in her class has grown up a bit. I nearly emailed to request he was not in the same class but I think the teachers have carefully considered the groups. I think ex friend autistic but he became a bit possessive and bossy so I do want to somehow teach her to be kind but assertive, not too kind. They have to learn it themselves a bit.

Yes and my kids are older , very independent and resilient. There’s a big difference between a child learning about what to do in an emergency, unlocking doors , calling emergency services and the other things you mentioned and what you are suggesting and you know it .
There’s no way at 6 years old my children would have been out alone and walking to the shop on their own ( I’m far from a helicopter parent and I’m from a Northern European country where we are more relaxed on this thing) .
I’m a teacher and that would have red flags all over it if we heard a child that young out alone in public. Are you honestly telling me you would let your 6 year old child walk to the shop alone? I totally disagree which is absolutely fine and my right . And I can also judge people who do let 6 year olds out on their own.

You realise they tell us to teach our children these things precisely because they will be home alone and walking places alone. It is absolutely expected that the majority of 1st graders will walk to and from school alone, and that many of them will spend some time home alone, the charity knows this and gives advice on how to prepare them. By 3rd grade, so 8 or 9, there is no after school care so they all need to be ready to be alone by then.

Teachers know that the children are walking alone, my DD's preschool teacher on the first day of school, the children all being 5 or 6, asked which children will be walking alone so she knows who she can release alone at the end of the day and who has to wait for a parent. DD and her friend both walked alone, and usually played together after school while waiting for parents to come back (I had 2 or 3 days a week when I didn't get back until 30-60 minutes after DD got back). So yes, I let my 6 year old walk to the shop alone, the summer before she started preschool, to prepare her for that. I let her walk to school alone through the forest until I went on maternity leave in the winter and could walk with her on the days she wanted me to. By 1st grade she definitely did not want me to walk with her!

In a society where 6 year olds aren't in public it would be a red flag but if all 6 year olds walk to school alone....in Japan it can be 2 or 3 years..... it's very specific on the culture.

Anyway....I'm setting myself a little new academic year resolution for my DD and arrange more playdates, maybe at least one a month because I'm busy haven't done as many as a hoped. Over the summer holidays we'll try and get our house in order so I feel I could have them over now. I think up until now they were too wild, but at 7/8 I feel like I could manage it. Had dds best friend over at new year and it feels like just the other weekend, I can't believe where the year has gone!