6-8 year old parenting club birthday partys, homework and extracurricular decisions

[2in2022twoyearson]

Hi,
Anyone want to join me navigating this age of parenting? Children could be outside this age bracket.

There's lots of baby toddler advice groups and some teen groups but this age I feel a bit in the dark.

I have a soon to be 7 year old girl. She's amazing, loves school, but I often feel like I'm doing or saying the wrong thing to and with her. She's going through a stroppy stage, finds school tiring.

Me and her dad work a lot and we haven't signed her up to many extra curriculum clubs, some of her peers have done loads since reception.

We're planning her birthday party and she has lots of opinions about it, I'm feeling the pressure!

I feel exactly the same as you. There’s such a vacuum of advice and information.

Following with interest - will post advice if I can think of anything!

@mondaytofriday that's so relatable for my nearly 7 year old, crying before school about being late. I then worry all day and she skips out of school all happy.

How is everyone? I was thinking of this thread but couldn't find it so thank you new people, welcome @Rainallnight and @mondaytofriday

How are you finding the work/life balance?

I currently work 4 days, until 5pm plus a few weekend shifts. DH finishes before 4pm 2 of my working days. I'm planning on reducing to 3 days in September when DD will be in year 3. I also have a toddler, so it makes logistical sense with the nursery funding, and my personal improved work Life balance. However, my biggest reason is my older child enjoys being collected after school at 3:15 and chilling out at home with me and once a week doesn't feel like enough. I'd like to be closer to her as I think she hides things from me, that have upset her for example. I often tell her I'm too busy, which I want to do less of.

Reducing hours sounds good, will be helpful.

I work 7 til 4 five days a week, sometimes longer days (but also sometimes shorter on Fridays) so don't get a lot of time with DS during the week but my OH doesn't have much work at all at the moment so he spends a lot of time with DS so he's not missing out on parental attention. I take odd days off though (which is why I work 9 hour days, so I can take the extra hours off later) and then we have quality time.

Trying to get him to read to me every day now and he just constantly does it in a silly Shatner- like voice and it drives me nuts! Want to get him to read nicely but don't want to be too strict in case it puts him off reading.

My DD reads in her head quite fast and it's one of her favourite things to do, but I should be getting her to read aloud more because it's a separate skill isn't it? She often gets quieter as she reads then if she's enjoying it wants to read it in her head to herself.

If she's already reading fluently in her head and you're past the stage when school demands daily reading diaries or whatever then I wouldn't worry so much about it. DS will have reading homework a lot next school year so trying to get into the habit now. He's a bit of a reluctant reader which doesn't help

I have picked up a book from the library today'rise of the girl, 7 empowering conversations to have with your daughter.' this first chapter is about brain changes aged 7 amdrmy DD 7th birthday is imminent

Sounds good!

Managed to catch up with the thread.
Have you had the party yet@2in2022twoyearson?We had a trampoline park one when ds turned 7. He hasn’t been invited to many parties - children in his class don't tend to have them, at least not the ones in his friendship group. I think many people around here can’t afford them now, which is sad, as it shouldn’t need spending so much.

With chores, I ask ds to help while I’m doing things- he helps with laundry, mowing the lawn, some chopping while I’m cooking, setting up/clearing the table. The only thing that is his sole responsibility at the moment is to make his bed after waking up and getting any crumbs from under the table after eating with the handheld hoover.
I will not be linking any chores to pocket money as am trying to put emphasis on ‘this is your house, you are doing these things for yourself and your own enjoyment of the space’.
We’ve been talking about setting up a lemonade stand or similar outside for him to try and earn money that way. We live in a very quiet street so not sure how that will work…
He does have a basic saving account and I keep telling myself to check to move it to a bigger interest one/ child isa? What are you all doing?
I give him £2-5 when we go out and about to hopefully teach him to handle cash.

He is also occasionally picking on his nails. Last year his teacher said he was fidgeting at lesson time or touching people (!) so definitely a sensory seeker. It seems to have sorted itself out a bit now, but he would love to have access to sensory equipment at school - he also said it’s only for children who cause disruption! Asked us for a wobbly cushion for Christmas though as some children had them at school and he really wanted one. @natskuyour dc’s school sounds really good in that respect!
Dc also uses ear guards at home every time blender etc is on.

We do karate and scouts (cubs). Must sign him up for swimming. He was adamant he doesn’t want to go when younger but I think he’s ready now.
He’s not ‘sporty’ and sports day is not a happy day for us. Genuinely considering not taking him to school for it this year (haven’t told him though).

Books that he most enjoyed at seven were DogMan, The Magic Faraway Tree, Claude.
Now (8yo) he’s reading Wimpy Kid, Barry Loser type of books - not great literature but definitely good at getting the boys into reading.

I haven't set up a bank account for DS, any money he gets from doing jobs goes into his piggy bank and he can decide whether to save it or spend it. Almost inevitably he spends it! He loves going to the nearby shop to buy sweets.

Sorry your school doesn't let just anyone use the sensory equipment @mondaytofriday that sucks, so many children benefit from them.

I want to sign DS up for scouts in the autumn but its going to depend what day is falls on, as he plays football and I know he won't want to miss training sessions. His team has lost every single game they've played so god knows they need the training sessions!

@mondaytofriday I also have not such a sporty child, more of a reader, even lots of the same books you've mentioned. My mum gets her the weekly phoenix comics which she loves. Her party will be on 21st and as themed on one of the phoenix comic stories. It's been the same with parties here. Only a few over the year/years. We went to a trampoline park but just a group of 3 with her closest friends birthday. Trying to be low budget, hire a hall, do games ourselves, but even so food, decorations, party bags etc all add up. One of the childrens parents with older children say there's definitely been a shift away from whole class, or big parties in recent years.

I can't find a good children's savings account, I'm with nationwide and they do one from 11 years so we've got some money in a bond for when she's older, from grandparents etc. when she was born a childs saver had the highest rate but that dropped off, maybe in about 2020?... But as I've still kept her named account with a few pounds on she got the £50 from nationwide they gave all customers. So that's a win for disorganisation!

@mondaytofriday I think we have similar children. I mentioned my daughters before school crying and general stroppyness to colleges with children and they couldn't relate...

Does your 8 year old have any siblings?

I had more angry tears after school today. It was hot, and I filled up the pool, but didn't rinse it out first and she was being rude and demanding so I didn't clean it as she wanted. Toddler woke from his nap during this time so we moved away. Then after a few minutes stonped inside and buried herself in a book. I do find in general a walk home from school puts her in a better mood than driving but yesterday we walked...I'm wandering if I should keep a record of how often she gets so upset like this. It's not every day but more often than once a week I think. I wouldn't say it's anything like an autistic meltdown because it's short-lived.

As for money, other parents in my dds year use and recommended hyperjar which is a free prepaid card they can view different jars of. I've not because she seems too young and cash is nice and tactile and I believe are easier to understand the transaction, and maths behind it. However, I see the appeal, maybe when she's older, seems useful as pocket money on school trips for example.

Have rtft but on the pocket money thing, DS(6) gets £2 a week pocket money. £1 goes into his easy access money box and the other goes into one which is really difficult to get the coins out of. We're calling it short term and long term savings. When we go out somewhere I've started to encourage him to consider bringing a few £'s in case he'd like the option of looking in the museum shop/getting sweets/going in the charity shop toy section etc. Basically stuff I'd usually not pay for but if it's his money then he gets more freedom of choice. The long term box is also glass so he can see it building up. Try to encourage a good amount of any birthday/Christmas money to go in here as well. Recently he lost a tooth and automatically asked for change so he could put half the money into each box so seems habits are forming. We don't link the money to chores for the same reasons you've outlined, it's just given freely. It's quite a new thing, only been happening a few months but will see how it goes. So far the short term money seems to burn a hole in his pocket the moment he gets it!

Then I've recently opened them junior savers with Halifax which I pay up to £50 in each month (some months it's more like £5, depends how my bank is looking). Wanted there to be an account they can access before they're adults, in case they decide on a hobby or something and need some spends. Finally they each have a stocks and shares ISA which was opened with the same amount each when they were born but haven't added to since. Can't access that till 18. Someone recently mentioned they also have sipps for their kids which they pay about £10 a month into or something like that, so they can treat them to a coffee when they're pensioners 😍 thought that was such a sweet thought, but not sure I'm ever going to be that organised 🤣

🤣 that sounds very organised but there's always someone more organised (sips). We don't do stocks and shares but my DH has been talking about it maybe we should. Did you put much into their birth stocks and shares?

That's good he's starting to automatically split his money to put into savings, good habit to get into.

Stocks and shares is smart, wish I could have afforded to put money into something when the children were born. I especially think I need to put some money away for DS as DD inherited when her dad died so she has money waiting for her when she turns 18 but DS won't have anything. But don't have spare money to put aside now, OH hasn't had any work in ages so we're down to just my income.

Good morning, how are we all doing? My daughter looked tired and anxious this morning. Allthough I'm not sure if that's me reading too much into it. She's going to a birthday party at the cinema after school and a friend's mum is taking her, which is new to her then I'm collecting her after. She doesn't really do playdates, except with one friend who isn't invited to this party. When she was quieter than normal asked her if she's looking forward to today and she had questions on the logistics, mostly will they be having the party tea after the cinema, and I said they'll be eating during the film and she seemed happier. She's only been to the cinema twice so she did ask if it was a scary film too.

Good morning,

Well, my feelings were right about her anxiety at the party after school. Allthough other parents said how happy and chatty she was and excited about her party at the weekend. As soon as she was in the car after she cried about a lesson earlier in the day when she couldn't finish the first step of the work before moving into the next one. She's academic and finding schoolwork difficult is new to her.

I thought I had a good conversation with her, telling her how that was me all the time. She said I am just saying that to make her feel better so I explained my dyslexia to her. But then she got angry about the lesson, when I asked if the cinema was good she started shouting at me that she doesn't want to talk about it.

Later in the evening she said how loud and wild it was, she had to cover her ears and children were throwing popcorn, and eating it off the floor when she'd accidentally dropped hers but wasn't going to eat off the floor.

I've read some of rise of the girl, and trying out new things such as clubs they recommend, then it's beneficial even, if they don't enjoy it because they learn about themselves. So the party is like that. At the end of one chapter there were some conversation starters. I tried them a few days ago. She was reading at the time and didn't want to listen so I need to find a better time

...First one 'what do you put your hand up for?' got a response of

'what are you taking about?' with attitude.

So I followed it up with, at school, when you know the answer do you put your hand up gotta response

'of course'. Well, they were quite unatural conversations, but I think I get the idea. We need to work on this now, so she is talking to me more before she becomes a preteen/ teenager

Poor girl, sounds like she didn't really enjoy the cinema this time but maybe next time she will.

I find bedtime the best time for talking, because they will grab onto any excuse to delay bedtime, even if its answering questions.

Not my girl, it was bedtime I tried to talk and she just wants to read.

Ah then maybe during the school run

Yes, walking is a good time. DH takes her on the evening dog walk sometimes, particularly if she's moody and she talks well then.

@natsku it’s amazing your dc can go to the shop by themselves to buy sweets. My son hasn’t done that yet. But we don’t really have small shops near us, so less easy to do in practice.
I think football is great for them, if they manage to find their place in the team. It shouldn’t be competitive at their age - just a game. Scouts is great fun - hopefully you’ll be able to get dc try it.

@2in2022twoyearson I think we have similar children too. A lot of what you said I could relate to. Not so much to mums in real life, sadly. He’s an only child. I’ve often been checking adhd/asd symptoms but he doesn’t seem to have either. He loves to read and flew through the phonics scheme but not sure he’s learning maths well off his teachers. I try to make time to support him with that.
Similar with the cinema- dc didn’t want to go the Minecraft movie because the trailer looked ‘scary’. It is PG to be fair, so I didn’t push. He hates the annual panto trip from school as gets overwhelmed.
I also think it’s beneficial to build up experiences (and frustration tolerance) even if they don’t end up having lots of fun.
I read this great book with advice re communication, parental influence/ bond by Gabor Mate - Hold Onto Your Kids - and really recommend it.

@Beansandneedles thank you for sharing re pocket money and saving accounts. Love the long term/ short term savings. Will definitely start that here too.

We have been fairly calm and organised the last few days. Lots of paddling pool time in the garden. He also had his first karate grading and got a new colour belt, which, hopefully, gradually will help with his confidence.

@mondaytofriday our nearest shop is just a short walk or bike ride away, along a shared path that is nicely separated from the road by a wide ditch and trees so very safe for DS to go alone which is nice.
He has his last football matches today as they're only doing a half season. One of his best friends who doesn't live in our town but visits his grandparents opposite us regularly is coming to watch so he's very excited about that.