6-8 year old parenting club birthday partys, homework and extracurricular decisions

[2in2022twoyearson]

Hi,
Anyone want to join me navigating this age of parenting? Children could be outside this age bracket.

There's lots of baby toddler advice groups and some teen groups but this age I feel a bit in the dark.

I have a soon to be 7 year old girl. She's amazing, loves school, but I often feel like I'm doing or saying the wrong thing to and with her. She's going through a stroppy stage, finds school tiring.

Me and her dad work a lot and we haven't signed her up to many extra curriculum clubs, some of her peers have done loads since reception.

We're planning her birthday party and she has lots of opinions about it, I'm feeling the pressure!

I'm getting nervous about dds party this weekend as the weather forecast has changed from highs of 27 to 31, I'm no good with heat and children will be more hyper. My DD is getting a bit nervous about it, wanting to be very involved in the planning, saying how she'll tell other children what to do...so I can't show her In worried. Definitely going to do either ice cream cones or ice pops.

Joining thread, struggling with my dd6s demands of late and also stressing about upcoming school holidays/birthday next month. Like your OP post DD wants to be in charge of party - and won’t be persuaded otherwise! we’ve ended up agreeing to have it at home eventho I’d prefer not to. Small house, unpredictable weather. DD wanted family party but we don’t have many extended family locally and half are on holiday at that time so might only be 1 or 2 cousins. We’ve had so many tears trying to explain and suggest alternative. I’ve offered class party/day out/weekend away etc etc but DD insists party on day of birthday only way to go. She now wants to hand out invites at school but has no close friend group (from what I’ve observed some are actively cleaning her out) so I think it’s bad idea and doubt many will even rsvp. I’ve not slept in weeks with it all in my head. Decided today just go with it, let DD give the invites and leave in lap of gods….will try make our best of what happens on the day…..but still unsettled. I just assumed I’d be good at these things didn’t expect so little control and so much angst over birthdays. After this one I’m spending whole year persuading to pick 2-3 friends for day out next time xx

@2in2022twoyearson 6 years old is really young. I completely hear you about changing interests , having their own opinions, likes etc, that’s totally normal for young and older kids alike . It’s great you are thinking about how to go with her interests etc.

However your post reads very much like you are attributing teenage-type traits onto your daughter, even sending her off the shop or suggesting it as 6 is way too young (and I’m not remotely a helicopter parent). A lot of what you say dropping out of hobbles etc, she’s 6! She barely halfway to being a teen. I think this can happen when you had a biggish age gap and suddenly older child feels way older than they are. Honestly she’s very young op.

@carrack 6 isn't too young for things like going to the shop alone, providing the area is safe enough. It's a good age to start encouraging small steps towards independence.

@swantheory for parties I just didn't give choices about where or doing what until older (with DD) as it can be too much for them to decide so they decided who to invite (i set a number limit) and i decided where and when and then all they had to think about was having fun.

@Carrack It's a good point about me thinking her too much of a teenager. Lots of parents I know treat this age children as though they are older, bowling, YouTube, cinema tictok even etc which I don't agree with. They talk about attitude they get and some have too busy lives with clubs in my opinion. My daughter enjoys playing with her 2 year old brother, looking for bugs in the garden and at school they have made a mud factory at playtime and in the past have made a bug hotel. I love this. I am just observing how my child is behaving and talking and am surprised how teenagery she is, could be peer influence from school.

Going to the shops is very area dependent and allthough it would be nice to build her confidence I don't think it's safe for her where I live. We can see a shop outside our window but it's across a busy road so I won't send her. However, I was brought up in a village outside the UK and children played out on the street. It's good for children but unfortunately not the cultural norm here. So I'm thinking of other ways to encourage her independence. But understand she's a child and doesn't need all that much autonomy. It really is a minefield and not clear guidance at this age like there is for younger children.

As for dropping out of hobbies, they are a tricky subject as I personally feel my DD needs her downtime. She doesn't have a hobby/club she's gone to for a long time. I also have a personality where I've stuck with hobbies etc too long and it's not been benifitial. I don't know if we made the right decision. She had asked to go to dance for a while, it was expensive for something she didn't enjoy, as dispite being straight from school, it wasn't also childcare because she goes to after school club so I paid for both for a term. Now she does gymnastics on a day she doesn't need after school club, so we're actually saving money sending her and she loves it. I think one excersice club a week and one other club (a school band) a week we're doing now works well.

@Swantheory good luck. Birthday parties are such an important part of they're life in their minds. I think you need to take control and say this is what we are doing, thank you for your input. Invites will be good writing practice if nothing else. Another parent was telling me how her son has no close friendship group, but it's nice if they play with a range of children.

Hi all,
I like to join in the chat also please.

My youngest has just turned 6. I am still recovering from his party last weekend as I put a lot of stress on myself before hand To get everything perfect. Of course the weather had other ideas!

I work full time, in the office Monday to Wednesday, so on Thursday and Friday when wfh I am on catch up around the house. It's exhausting.

DS is registered for two sport activities, though we sometimes can't make it due to other things going on. He would love athletics but can't start that until he's 7. Other than that he loves art and is drawing non stop.

He has an older brother who has autism but is doing really well thankfully.

Final note, I am in Ireland so they get their summer holidays on Tuesday.

Looking forward to chatting with everyone here.

Welcome @Imperfectpolly our house is a tip at the moment. I'm also on the flylady group trying to take a bit more responsibility as DH does more round the house.

I'm definitely guilty of treating DD as older at times - she is feisty, independent and some of the things she says lol! its easy to forget how small they still are in the world 🌎

You sound like a lovely mum and you are looking out for what’s best for your daughter. @Natsku I come from a background where I was given loads of freedom from a very young age and I always think it’s interesting how my friends who had the same (Northern European upbringings etc) are actually more protective and careful now we have an kids. Maybe think about why that is …
My kids are older and very independent, resilient but I wouldn’t have dreamed of having them out and about at 6 on their own to walk to shops etc. That’s crazy tbh and crap parenting.

All the parents round me with the Northern European upbringing, lots of freedom as children, do the exact same with their children, because they remember how it was as children and want the same childhood for their children.

Walking to the shop at 6 is training for walking to school alone at 7 which is expected in my country, the school nurse at DS's 7 year check up asked if he was prepared for walking alone in the autumn, and the headteacher at the info evening talked about how our children might be ready to quit after school club after Christmas and go be at home alone after school. If I didn't start building up independence now he'd not be ready when its expected, and that would be crap parenting. Bearing in mind they are expected to have a certain level of independence in school too - for cross country skiing they are sent out to ski the forest track while the teacher waits at the end. For orienteering they are sent out in the forest in pairs, so even if a parent doesn't work and can walk them to school and pick them up they still need those skills.

@Carrack i made this group for support not to accusing someone online of being bad parents, esspecaly as you have no context of their cultur. @Natsku has given some very wise advice and is clearly very caring parent.

I just checked my postbox and I've got a pamphlet from the national child protection society giving advice for parents of children starting 1st grade this year, with a list of things your child needs to be capable of before school starts including managing the route to school and how to use their house key to get into their house. And advice on them being home alone in mornings and afternoons (they suggest putting post it notes around the house with ideas for things to do when bored and to role play calling emergency services and to make sure they know what to do if they forget their key or are still hungry after their snack).

This is the child protection charity, even they think this is normal childhood things, not crap parenting.

Just had my daughter's party, 19 children, 17 guests and my 2. She was nervous and wanting to plan every little detail/ had very high expectations of her friends doing complex activities like designing a shelter and generally wanted control. We barely had time for party games. The pinata worked well but after it broke and the children scrambled down to see what fell out DD screamed don't fight it's one toy and one sweet each over and over but calmed down ok. My DD wanted to constantly eat during it and had 3 little tantrums, I'm starting to wander if she could be autistic, seeing other children were generally calmer, but I guess not their party, less pressure. And she can calm down quickly after tantrums. It's just now I have such a chilled out social 2 year old boy, makes me wonder more. I just thought the tantrum stage would be over by now.

The other 2 tantrums were when people were being too loud they couldn't hear the music, covered her ears and cried when I was struggling to start musical statues. And when it was time for party cake and candles (children were starting to run about and we needed to move on) but she'd not finished eating (her plate piled high), just crying that time.

Overall everyone had fun and my daughter is very happy with her presents, which we opened half of. and helped clean the hall afterwards very nicely and is now reading.

Might just have been too many people and too much excitement for her. I remember my daughter's 5th birthday party was way too much excitement for her, so many tantrums. I have a rule that they can have one guest per year of age, so its never too many but increases slightly as they get older and can cope with more excitement.

Well, we all survived.

That's the main thing!

What are your thoughts on team sports for this age? Dds friends dad says how he thinks it's important, but he's not enjoying football anymore. DD doesn't do any at the moment. Used to do dodgeball, was quite an informal club. Is it worth looking into it. She's in year 3 in September which is more opportunities for this sort of club. Maybe a good time to start. Im not sure she could handle the competitiveness and she's not good at but maybe that's useful.

DS joined a football team this year, I think its been really good for him - learning teamwork, learning to support his teammates when they make mistakes, and learning to lose - his team got a lot of practice in that!

My 7 year old dd plays football for a team. Wouldn't say it's her favourite sport but she really enjoys the team aspect and I think it's been very good for her coordination, fitness and ability to play nice with others.

There are a few different football options but she doesn't like football, I could look what other clubs are on offer, there's basketball a couple of her classmates go to but it's quite expensive, and it's hard to find clubs that fit round our work schedule.

We got DD a book usboure my first computer coding book using scratch jr for her birthday. Last night she asked to use it. We have had a play around with scratch jr before but neither of us knew what we were doing. Last night she did part of a project mostly independently and stayed calm, I'd recommend this book. A while back we did a free trial in a coding club, that kept their high prices hidden and tried to get you to sign up at the trial including telling DD they hope to see her next week😡. Anyway, I'd prepped her, telling her it was a one off, free trial so she wasn't too unhappy she wasn't coming back, allthough she did love it.

Well done on surviving the party. I think the tears are normal for that age. For my 6yo party last week he cried a number of times, but I think he was mostly just overwhelmed.

6yo does some team sports. He enjoys the social side but doesn't know what to do in matches and will just stand there. When he's 7 he'll be allowed to start athletics which I think he will enjoy.

@Swantheory how's the party planning going? 1 or 2 cousins sounds like it could be lovely and relaxed, esspecaly as it's in your house, wouldn't want too many.

We have kept extra curricular stuff to 3 activities a week, as my summer born child still gets tired by the end of term. I know it sounds a lot but in comparison to some kids, he still has relatively few things after school! In the winter it was beavers, swimming and rugby, now it's summer, it's beavers, swimming and cricket. He has just turned 7 and my husband and I have come up with a few more options for him to choose from from next academic year, where we expand on sport a bit. So we're going to offer for him to start an instrument, do a weekly coding class or a weekly art class.
It's so dependent on energy levels and resilience at this age and I fins there's quite a broad spectrum around what is normal.

@Thejugglestruggle , it's so hard to know what's best. Some kids in my dds class do loads, so I try not to compare. One of dds clubs is the most cost effective after school childcare, I was so happy when they started, because they offered gymnastics on Fridays when we needed it, and DD had been asking to do it for a while, but the other gymnastics was either fully booked or clashed with swimming. Otherwise, we couldn't afford to do so many different clubs and hobbies.

DH and I would both like her to have music lessons. She does a band, a group music session at the moment, probably wait until year 4 or 5 for one to one lessons, when she's mature enough to practice without too much push back. A teacher friend was telling me 9/10 years old is often a nice calm age.