6-8 year old parenting club birthday partys, homework and extracurricular decisions

[2in2022twoyearson]

Hi,
Anyone want to join me navigating this age of parenting? Children could be outside this age bracket.

There's lots of baby toddler advice groups and some teen groups but this age I feel a bit in the dark.

I have a soon to be 7 year old girl. She's amazing, loves school, but I often feel like I'm doing or saying the wrong thing to and with her. She's going through a stroppy stage, finds school tiring.

Me and her dad work a lot and we haven't signed her up to many extra curriculum clubs, some of her peers have done loads since reception.

We're planning her birthday party and she has lots of opinions about it, I'm feeling the pressure!

Ohhh I'd be curious to see what others are going through here! I have a 5.5 year old so a little younger, but I know what you mean about the gap - loads of threads on babies, toddlers, pre schoolers and a few teen ones but definitely not as many for the "big kid" stage... One I feel we're rapidly approaching 🤯

I have a nearly 6 year old so I get it! I think the thing I find the hardest is recognising when I’m babying DS and not giving him enough independence vs asking too much of him for his age.

I have two DC in this age bracket and they certainly know their own minds!

For us it's been important that they need to be able to have an input in what they do, what clubs etc - not ruling the roost but it cuts out a lot of the stropiness or push back. It's a tricky age depending on if there are older siblings or not as some start to become very interested in older things and others are kept possibly bit too babyish or parents bit slow on the take up of them not being 5 anymore

Hello! @FiveWhatByFiveWhat and @mynameiscalypso are your kids both in year 1? @mynameiscalypso I agree, she seems so mature in lots of ways but occasionally has tantrums and I have to remind myself she's only 6. We definitely need to get her doing more chores. She's had a growth spurt recently so can reach to do more household things such as taking clothes off the clothes horse.

I was thinking recently that she could probably soon go to the shop opposite and buy something, if it wasn't across such a busy road with no crossings...

7 year old twins here!

Do look in to clubs, mine really love them - we’ve ended up settled with two, drama and athletics. One is a weekend one and one evening which we manage around work. We tried a bunch, no pressure, see what they liked and wanted to go back to. But it’s great for them to have their own ‘thing’ outside of you and school.

We do try with some age appropriate independence. Really little things at the moment like they’ll walk down one road, I’ll walk the adjacent and we meet at the end if that makes sense. They help with the cooking (they’ll do my chopping for me with plastic utensils!), they do have chores now and have done for a while. Small things but making the bed, putting clothes away, doing their homework, etc. It’s on a list and they tick them off and ‘earn’ pocket money for their piggy bank. I’m also trying to teach them about saving with this, but failing miserably haha. It’s spent as quickly as it’s earned 🤣

Birthday parties, follow their lead if you can! What have they enjoyed at other parties, what do they like. Mine want an astronauts party so good luck to me figuring that one out 🤣 Let them lead with the invites too, so they can invite the kids they like (eg I’ve always fallen in a trap in the early years of just inviting all my mates with kids but now I’m letting them decide who comes)

They can be real divas! But work with them - they feel grown up but they really are still little! I still love the book ‘how to speak so kids listen’.

Joining. Sometimes they seem so grown up, sometimes so little.

The first question, if you work a lot, do you have time for activities or is she in ASC til 6pm? If you do have time and flexibility, what does she want to do? I don’t believe in activities for the sake of activities. What does she really love and is there a way you can make it happen? My 7 year old only does Beavers. I also have a 12 year old who is properly busy with competitive sports and also does scouting, so running her around is enough.

As for birthdays, what has everyone else done? What have you done previously? We are in probably the last year of soft play style whole class parties. I didn’t give a lot of choice. He did get to choose the invitations and the cake. Otherwise, a party is a party and he’s not 18, so he doesn’t get too much say. 😂

@mindutopia she really loves reading which is very easy to facilitate. Also art so I've been looking at art clubs, that seems to have popped up recently but they're not practical. I have a younger ds (2 years) and I'm thinking of dropping my work days in September from 4-3, that may give better flexibility for clubs. Ds is going from childminder to say nursery. They both do funded hours but nursery is more expensive so it makes sense and I don't feel like my work life balance has been right.

This term she's starting in a band at school, during school hours.

She's been asking to do gymnastics for a while and her school have just started after school gymnastics on Fridays which is perfect for us as DH finishes in time to collect her at 4 and otherwise we've been paying the after school club that runs until 6. Unfortunately it only runs until half term. They may repeat.

I think she'd love beavers or brownies but my DH is less sure. She's on the waiting list... probably brownies as she has a troublesome friendship with a boy who's mum is keen for him to do whatever DD does because she's a good influence.

With reading she had the phoenix comic and may do this theme birthday party. She's been invited to quite a variety of birthdays, so there's loads of choice in my area! We're thinking either a park or chuck hall. Theres only one or two whole class/year group party's, there are 60 in her year and her class has gone up to 31 recently. I do think other parents have invited friends, until recently. This year she's had more invites and seems popular but I don't have many friends with children her age. There have been rock climbing parties, bowling, bouncy castle style, and a classic games in a church hall.

We should start a chores list with pocket money, but me and DH still need to agree on the amount. She used to do chores more enthusiasticly. She loves cooking and on an inset day recently made an omelette almost independently using her cookbook. She mostly loves reading her cookbook.

As she's getting older, I'm noticing she's not that sporty but am thinking a sports club is important for fitness... allthough she thinks she's not good at sports, a recent growth spurt has seemed to have made her less coordinated! She excels accadmicly so doesn't enjoy not being good at sports. She did dance last term that all her friends have been going to for a while and she'd been asking to. She didn't love it, because she was new she didn't feel like she was any good... she didn't dislike it but it was a day we were paying for that and after school club afterwards so felt like a waste of money.

It’s a tricky age. I have a nearly 9 year old and a nearly 6 year old. I have often thought there was a complete lack of info around mile stones and advice for this age.

My older child has autism so needs more downtime but does more after school clubs that I would like for her needs. My youngest is completely different and has much higher energy levels.

For chores I would say have a think about if you want them to be optitional or if you want them to do them every day/week. If they’re non negotiatbles then don’t link them to pocket money because if they have money from another source then they could say well I don’t need pocket money this week because Grandad gave me some money.

Monzo do bank cards from the age of 6.

@Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yes pocket money is fraught with potential to backfire which is why me and DH can't decide how best to do it and haven't started it yet. She has money from tooth fairy and birthday Money. I have previously thought it should be separate to chores but I can see how linking it to chores gives an understanding of money. DD currently has on usborne lift the flap see inside money book. I've even learnt something new from it such as islamic banks work differently because charging interest is not allowed.

I just read a book called evidence based parenting which was from 2 year old to preteens.

Hi,

I'm feeling like the worst parent today. Tooth fairy didn't come so DD was crying. She was awake when we went to bed, but we both completely forgot, I was awake a while before her.... thinking up a note the tooth fairy could leave. Maybe saw she was awake so redelivered the following night. Or having a wild party in the garden with the warmer nights. Do your kids believe in Santa/ tooth fairy/ Easter bunny? Mine loves the magic of it, so I'm 95% sure she believes, but she gives me very pointed requests and expectations about them.

My DD can be quite stroppy but she was very sweet the other night when I wasn't feeling too great she made up a cosy spot on the sofa, and brought me over a colouring sheet shed designed with some colouring pencils.

Back to thinking about birthday parties... we've hired a church hall, planning to have classic party games. My DD would like ocean and/or a very specific theme her friends won't know. 'the island with no comic from the phoenix magazine. She gets it weekly as a gift from her granny. We could get some phoenix party bags. This is the description:

A pack of 10 pre-made party bags. Each party bag includes a paper Phoenix bag filled to the brim with goodies.

*OFFER: FREE BIRTHDAY VIP BADGE WHEN YOU BUY A PACK OF 10 PARTY BAGS

Each party bag includes:

An awesome bag with a sticker giving your friends a free 4-week subscription - please note, 4-week subscription can be redeemed by UK customers only
An issue of The Phoenix comic
A Phoenix Comic Club comic, full of drawing and comic making tips
An official Phoenix pencil for epic comic creating

However, giving this some thought, it's actually a bit of a marketing ploy as my DD got into the stories after 3-4 comics so it could be annoying to the parents if children nag them to subscribe... Am I overthinking this? As a parent of a 7 year old would you find this gift bag annoying or fun?

Also, they're quite expensive so may put that money towards something during the party. I was only thinking to get it if we have less than 15-20 children coming, her birthday is at a busy time with lots of classmates birthdays similar.

I wouldn't do that free 4 week subscription thing, as you rightly thought, its a marketing ploy and some parents will be annoyed if their children demand to continue the subscription but they can't really afford it.

I have a 7 year old boy. I also have a teenager so I've been through this age before but DS is so different to DD that sometimes it feels like I'm doing it all for the first time.

For extra curriculars I've been trying to get him into something since he was 5 but he just didn't have the attention span or interest to do clubs until this year - he did ice hockey over the winter and now he's doing football, and he's done circus school over the whole year. I will put him in Scouts in the autumn to see how he likes that. In my opinion at this age its good to push them a bit to try some new things because they don't know what they might enjoy until they try. I also think its very important they do at least one active club, whether that's sports or dance or whatever, just something that gets them moving.

Haven't started chores or pocket money yet, mainly because I'm struggling to think of what chores he could do that his big sister doesn't already do, and if he does those chores then what can she do instead?! And pocket money I will tie to chores - working earns money is the lesson I want them to learn.

Also building up his independence now. His big sister was much more independent at this age but he just hasn't been ready for it, but a few weeks ago he walked to the nearby shop and back and he has gone for the occasional walk around our (very quiet) neighbourhood. He will have to walk to school by himself (well, hopefully with friends) in the autumn as he'll have aged out of breakfast club so I have to work on his independence a lot more over the summer.

Thanks for that, I was worried I was overthinking it with the party bags.

I have two older siblings and I remember being able to drift around the house not doing much until my mum set up some sort of chores rota so it was more fair.

With party bags I keep it simple. Small toy or object (done little cars, super mario bracelets, fidget toys, things like that), something sweet like a little chocolate bar or mini pack of sweets, and some stationary or stickers.

I've favourited lots of vinted items of party bags toys... also some long balloons and a pump because DD was really keen on this idea because she's seen it in a magic show, then I found out how much party entertainers are and think I can do it myself, DH and I both did a bit of balloon twisting as children so even if we give each child a balloon sword they'll have a great time. Haha.

Don’t sweat the party bags OP, a decent kids party these days has a decent amount of kids (if you’re filling a hall, etc), a good entertainer and some food! For party bags these days I put barely anything in them - maybe 2 items relating to the party theme and then the cake!!

@Natsku I have twins and we have separate personal chores - they make their beds, bring their school clothes down to be washed/put them away, etc! I’m sure your eldest would be happy to pass something down 🤣

But yeah we don’t have anything massive and it’s more to get them in to the routine of helping out and me to feel less like Cinderella!!!

Oh my oldest would be more than happy to offload some of her workload to her little brother (unless she decides he loads the dishwasher wrongly, she hates it when OH does that) but I would definitely require her to take up new jobs to replace them.
I'm considering getting him to take over scrubbing the wet room floor. Its definitely a job that favours smaller people, who don't get a bad back from bending over! And its the kind of thing that's pretty fun to a 7 year old, swishing soapy water around.

I’ve been caught out by this but just slipped it on to their pillow case and asked if they’d check carefully and make them check again. “Oh how did it get in there?!?”

HRTFT yet but recommend googling the start of adrenarche and mood swings - it tends to start around 6 in girls and 7 in boys. Stroppiness is sort and parcel of this age, and no reflection on you!

How's everyone doing at the moment?

Thanks @TumbledTussocks. That's helpful, a relatives 6 year old has also become more emotional.

We've had less stroppyness, but more again. Really struggling to know whether to come down hard on rudeness and tears (which come hand in hand) or be understanding and permissive if she's had a long day a school. I think there's a fine line in the middle.

I remember with my DD the big emotions started to gear up around 7, it was hard to find the balance, I don't think I came down hard enough on rudeness with her though (but it was complicated as her dad died when she was 7 so obviously I was very very careful with her emotions) but I'm trying to discourage rudeness a lot more with DS now he's at this age - he called me a stupid bitch once, absolutely shocked me and I came down very hard on him, perhaps too had because he was so sorry and upset but that's something to be nipped in the bud, especially with boys I think (don't want him thinking its ever acceptable to use misogynistic language)

@Natsku that must have been very hard for your daughter to lose her dad at that age. My library has books on grief. Unfortunately my daughter read one without me realising as I was following little brother around. I had to Google the name when she was being very odd and wouldn't tell me about the book she'd read. It was about the mum dying, it was named something about a jumper. She talked to me later. My daughter thought the mum was in hospital to have a baby.

How are sibling relationships? My 2 are getting on great except she's starting venting and shouting at little brother at times. They generally play very well and I can actually get things done around the house and vaguely trust them when they're in earshot. Little one is two, likes climbing things and has restarted putting things in his mouth.

It was hard on her though not as hard as it could have been because by that point he had become estranged so she had already started to get used to not seeing him (it had been over a year since she saw him, and half a year since he last contacted her by phone) but still was very emotional for her and probably contributed a lot to rudeness (not knowing how to express her emotions). The last Mog book where Mog dies was brilliant for her though, and Micheal Rosen's Sad Book.