Sick children in playgrounds/classes

[HJA87]

Went to a forest school class on Friday with my 2 and bar maybe one child, every single other child there was ill. I’m talking looking generally unwell, green snot down the nose, coughing and sneezing a lot. Overheard a conversation between two parents about how everyone’s been ill in their households the last week and they had to cancel meetings at work etc. Spent the whole time there on edge trying to keep my toddlers away from the obviously ill ones. Then at the end of the class heard a parent saying,” let’s go home, you’re not feeling well, are you.” Why do people do this and ruin it for everyone else? And please don’t say the usual “ if we never went out when I’ll we would never be out at all”. End of a cold or an absolutely unavoidable outing- I can understand but taking your child to a toddler group in the very infectious beginning phase when they’re sneezing all over everyone is just plain selfish. I’ve noticed this is worse in the UK than any other county I’ve been to. There seems to be a myth about building up immunity where actually, back to back infections have the opposite effect. Immunity builds up during the period of recovery which is why doctors recommend rest when unwell. Seeing clearly unwell toddlers, often in inappropriate clothing playing outdoors in the cold is just sad and isn’t doing them any good in terms of health whilst also
exposing everyone else there.

You can’t possibly diagnose a chest infection from the sound of a cough. That’s not how it works.

Where was forest school being held OP?

It’s organised by out local nature reserve and it’s outside but kids do congregate, have lunch together, touch the same items etc

You were not there.

I wish I had your super power of being able to tell exactly what point a child is in their illness by a brief observation. You say you’re not judging people taking their kids out at the tail end of a cold, but how on earth would you know by looking if that were the case?

My son’s nose is currently running constantly and I’m having to wipe it all the time. He’s not in the slightest bit ill. When he was really quite ill a few weeks ago, there wasn’t any visible sign at all and I was surprised when he told me.

Also, my job doesn’t allow me to stay home every time I actively have a cold, nevermind when I feel well but have a cough or a runny nose. My last cold I actively felt shit for about 10 days, but no one is going to expect me to stay home all that time. Why is it different for kids?

I think you’re unreasonable. Colds are not inevitably caught by others in the way d&v or cp are, many will fight off certain strains, especially at an outdoor event like you describe. Plus, people are fairly selfish, all of us, in various ways. You can’t control others so best to work on controlling your own mental response if you want to be happy.

It’s a 2 hour session. A child who is sneezing every few minutes, producing green snot (there were some snot bubbles even) is clearly in the very infectious stage. If you have to wipe their nose, say, once every hour then clearly that’s the end stages of a cold. It’s the same with adults really, you can tell when someone’s is looking full of a cold, can’t you.

Honestly, you have a sad life if a thought of a stranger’s kids going to school excites you. Traditional school is also not compulsory so don’t assume my kids will be going. Given the state of schooling in this country, we are exploring alternative options so you might have to find something else to look forward to.

If I have a cold or my kids I would always warn whoever I'm supposed to be meeting just incase they want to avoid us. Yet I'm also a primary school teacher and I would have to go into work with a cold spreading it to all the kids and them to their parents. Unfortunately we are all expected to go on as normal if there are no temperatures etc so frustrating as it is, it's one of those things.

YABU

If no one took their toddlers out when they had a cold, all these lovely groups you like to go to with your DC would not be financially viable to the person running them and they would close.

Life has to go on even with a bit of snot.

It’s fine to go out with a cold or runny nose. It’s not ok to go out to social events with flu.

I've got four kids. If we stayed in every time one (or me) has a bit of a cold or a cough, we'd barely leave the house and their school attendance would be shocking, let alone the fact I wouldn't have a job.

If they're unwell enough to need paracetamol and are feeling poorly, then we stay in, although they may have to come out on school runs etc, if they're not needing anything to help them, they're running around as normal and have a snotty nose and/or cough, it's life as normal. Nothing to do not wanting to entertain my children, but wanting to give them a life where a snotty nose doesn't stop them being a child. Want to judge me on that? Crack on.

My eldest had glue ear and asthma, which took a while to be diagnosed and treated. He was constantly snotty and coughing. To anyone that didn't know he would have looked like a kid with a cold.

My 3 year old is on inhalers and regularly needs oral steroids. I’ve lost count how many times we’ve been in A&E. I wouldn’t bat an eye at toddlers with runny noses and a bit of a cough out and about. That’s just life.

Children catch on average 9 or 10 viruses a year. I have no problem with children out and about or at nursery with general coughs, colds, and sniffles.

It sounds like your DC are very young. It also sounds like you are in the privileged position of being able to be a SAHM. Regardless, keeping you DC totally isolated every time the catch a cold will likely create health anxiety which can have a massive impact on their wellbeing. Will you also isolate your DH for this period or would you send him out to work?

We both wfh (although I’m on a career break currently) so no issue with work if we have a cold. When I worked in the office though, I didn’t go in with a streaming cord. I would not be able to do a very good job in that state anyway, I feel pretty rough the first couple of days of a cold. Toddlers have limited speech so the majority of people also don’t really know how they really feel. They might seem ok but a couple of days at home resting would surely be much better than dragging them here and there.

You only have experience of your DC. Our current toddler I don't take to toddler groups with a cold or cough as he rarely gets them and is over them within a few days.
One of our older DC would've never socialised if I did the same, as she would usually take around 2-3 weeks to get over a cold, have a few days break if any break, then start with something else. She has asthma so between 1-3 I lost count of the amount of respiratory illnesses she needed steroids for and would then take weeks to stop thick snot or coughing, and her sibling 2 years older would often be "ill" with what was likely the same virus, but be completely fine and barely symptomatic. Just because somethings impacting a certain child in an obvious way doesn't mean its actually a bad virus.

That doesn’t sound very nice for your child, surely it would be better to limit her exposure and the a&e visits where you can.

The only way to do that would be social isolation, which would be far more damaging than the routine of going to the doctor when necessary and letting the child still experience a normal life as much as possible.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing though surely. You can limit the classes/outings to reduce the germ pool and have breaks in between to allow for recovery.

If I tried to stay at home all day every time my toddler had a cold, it would have an extremely negative impact on our lives. Not because ‘I can’t entertain her’ but because she needs fresh air and outdoor stimulation. And colds last bloody ages. I probably wouldn’t take them to a small indoor toddler group….but a playground? Come on now.

Your attitude stinks, OP, you must have realised that by now. But at least you’ve had a fun time spending your Sunday night arguing with strangers on the internet.

I agree that for a child to be coughing and hsve a runny nose, they aren't well. All the posters claiming "I'd never go out if I kept my child in with every cold" must have children with incredibly weak immune systems if they are permanently unwell. These type of parents are exacerbating the problem too, as they think it's fine to take their still snotty child to soft play where they undoubtedly smear and drip mucus on multiple surfaces.

Do you hear yourself?

What do you think I do with my child?

He requires a high dose of inhaler for the mildest of runny noses to prevent him succumbing to respiratory distress. Over the years we’ve learnt through many GP appointments and trips to A&E what he needs and what works for his predisposition to respiratory illnesses. He didn’t come out of the womb with a label explaining what to do. The only way to stop him catching any illness is to keep him at home 24/7. I won’t do that to my child. He attends nursery and thrives there and we mix with other children at events. He’s a very sociable little boy and I would never keep him away from life like that.

He will most likely grow out of these symptoms. In the meantime, we live our lives and don’t look down our noses at other parents doing their best to navigate life with snotty toddlers. We’re all in the same boat.

Enjoy home schooling.

What a childish response lacking in any intelligence

It’s not my child that I’m taking out when he’s unwell. It’s other children with general sniffles that don’t bother me.

I don’t run and hide my child from other children just because they have a bit of a runny nose or lingering cough. My son takes asthmatic coughs that can last for weeks even though he’s otherwise fighting fit. Life goes on.