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Original poster

My daughter is out of control

381 replies

VV12 · 12/03/2025 00:36

Just spent the last 3 hours battling with my 9 year old daughter to go to bed, she still isn't sleeping.
It started with the wrong pyjama's, then there was too much toothpaste on her toothbrush, then she wanted the original pyjamas, then I told her no tv in bed because of the way she was speaking to me "shut up" "do this/that now" "your so mean" "your getting on my last nerve" "stop telling me what to do"
Then a whole other meltdown began because of the no tv which has resulted in a 3 hour screaming battle because she says she can't sleep without the tv, baby was woken up by the screaming, partner woke up, everyone's frustrated/upset and now she's laying in bed as calm as anything (but still awake) while I'm downstairs in absolute tears, wanting to bang my head against the wall in frustration, baby just settled back down and partner telling me that I need to sort her behaviour out as he can't live with her anymore (he's not her dad)
I really don't know what to do anymore her behaviour is completely out of control.
I highly suspect she has some form of ADHD/ODD (it's in the family) not just from the behaviour but she just can't listen to any sort of instruction, can't keep still, talks non stop, fidgets a lot etc
I have tried speaking to the school but of course "shes an angel" in school and the teacher made me feel like the whole conversation was pointless and as if im just exaggerating and basically told me that the gp will be a waste of time as she's fine in school.
She is very good at masking her behaviour in school but every single morning is an absolute nightmare, can't get her out of bed, gives me attitude/ back chat the whole time she's getting ready, as soon as she steps foot in the car after school it's like the whole days frustration just comes pouring out of her.
Don't really know what I want out of this thread, I'm just at a loss, what the hell can I do with this behaviour?
Nothing bothers her, she don't care if I take things off her, she don't care if I shout/tell her off, she don't care if I stop her going anywhere, if I tell her to go to her room for a time out she just looks at me and says no so I physically have to pick her up and place her in her room, then she just throws herself around the room in a rage for ages, these meltdowns can last hours.
absolutely nothing works!

OP posts:
Sunshineandgrapefruit · 17/03/2025 09:19

10-11 is really hard with girls. We had the same. Be consistent. Clear boundaries. After X time you need to be in your room and if you come downstairs you will be sent straight back up, if you keep disturbing us no screen time tomorrow. Also remove the TV from her room. Bedrooms are for sleeping in. It's tough. I'm not going to lie it took us a few months of consistency to sort it out but she just says ' night mum's and gets herself off to bed now. Something I thought would never happen when in the trenches with it all.

Waterballoons · 17/03/2025 13:36

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 17/03/2025 09:19

10-11 is really hard with girls. We had the same. Be consistent. Clear boundaries. After X time you need to be in your room and if you come downstairs you will be sent straight back up, if you keep disturbing us no screen time tomorrow. Also remove the TV from her room. Bedrooms are for sleeping in. It's tough. I'm not going to lie it took us a few months of consistency to sort it out but she just says ' night mum's and gets herself off to bed now. Something I thought would never happen when in the trenches with it all.

God that sounds really sad. Night mum and off she goes. What a miserable household 😕😔

mathanxiety · 17/03/2025 15:50

VV12 · 16/03/2025 20:43

Just a quick question for those who do have children with autism/adhd
how do you deal with the meltdowns in public?
had such a stressful time today, DD started having a little strop over the smallest thing when out shopping which turned in to a meltdown (basically she seen a toddler ride on that said weight limit 30kg, and she asked me how much stone is 30kg and I just said “oo I’m not sure I’ll have to try work it out” but she needed to know right there and then) it’s such tiny things like that can make her flip, I was just trying to stay calm and talk through it with her and just carry on with with what we were doing, even googled the answer to her question but she was passed that by then and just carried on stropping, telling me I’m mean, to shut up, elbowing me/hitting me/pinching my arm and trying to stop the trolley all the time, could just feel myself filling up with anger and upset, it carried on the for about 5/10 mins after leaving the shop and getting in the car then its like something just switches and she’s in a good mood all of a sudden, and starts talking about something else completely random.

You can look up all sorts of conversions and other maths conundrums on your phone when you're out.

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Meltdownoclock · 18/03/2025 14:54

Did any of the PANDAS symptoms fit?

Waterballoons · 18/03/2025 18:14

Jooleigh · 16/03/2025 22:14

I just want to mention, positively, about having a TV in a bedroom.
I'm 55 now and can still remember trying to get to sleep in a silent bedroom as a young child & just how much my imagination would run away & think of horrible & frightening things, I just hated bedtime. But then I got a cassette player & it was life changing. I would leave it playing & fall asleep long before the tape ended. Then as I was a bit older I got a TV in my bedroom.
Still now I get to sleep quickly with some kind of background noise, whether it's a TV, listening to a podcast or even playing Scrabble on my phone.

I've been married for 35 years & my husband still can't get over how I can regularly fall asleep within 10 minutes whilst watching the TV.
We're all wired differently, some people like cheese some people don't, but they don't "shout" at each other about who's right. So why do people get judgemental about people who need noise to sleep?

Me too! I’m totally traumatised by it. I’ve never had my children sleep along as young children as a result. Always slept with them. Humans were never designed to sleep alone, particularly as children. Hate the narrative that suggests otherwise. Even going back a couple of generations, adults slept with children.

Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 18/03/2025 20:09

VV12 · 12/03/2025 07:26

She hasn't been able to fall asleep in silence since she was a baby, has always needed some sort of noise going on.
Find it quite rude and offensive that you would assume that when I had a new partner that I chucked her a tv so I could have time with him, 100% not the case!!

Show quote history

My daughter could never fall asleep as a baby / toddler / small child / older child, despite being very physically active all day, everyday.
Diagnosed ADHD aged 10. Sleep issues are very common with ADHD.
My daughter could not “switch her brain off” at night and she is very sensitive to all house noises (pipes cooling down, hot water running …… )
A fan on in her room and Melatonin now work a treat for falling to sleep.

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