So so upset and annoyed with our teenage son. He didn't come home for a planned birthday celebration. He has a girlfriend. Fine. They spent all week-end together doing birthday things. As his birthday is a midweek night we said - we'll do your birthday and presents the night before as he has to be up very early midweek. This was agreed days ago. Both he and gf saw me making a birthday cake yesterday. He told OH this morning he was coming straight home and would be early.
We waited and waited. Eventually OH texted him and he said he was at gf's house and not coming back till later. As suspected he had his birthday celebration there - a meal and presents. I was fuming. But calmed down and we decided to carry on as if nothing had happened so as not to spoil his birthday. Thought we could still have cake when he got back and him have his presents.
When he got back he looked half dead and exhausted and didn't smile and was quite rude and dismissive. Didn't want cake. At that point I said - you saw me making it yesterday and you knew we were doing your birthday tonight. He could have brought gf with him!
He said sorry. I bit my lip and said we had decided we could go for a meal tomorrow night instead. He sounded very evasive about that too!
I am absolutely spitting and fuming at his attitude. We've just paid for something very expensive for his birthday and he can't even be bothered to celebrate with us even a little bit.
I am trying to keep my mouth shut until after his birthday rahter than spoil it (although it's already spoiled for us). But I don't know who to be angry with. Him? His gf? His gf's parents? Clearly he was hijacked at some point today and asked to go over - maybe mentioning they had presents for him.
I guess he didn't text and tell us in case we were annoyed. Maybe he told gf he had said he was coming home tonight as we had plans and she had a hissy fit and he felt in the middle. I don't know. But we had a similar issue last year where her family organised something without consulting us and we were furious with him then as it was so disrespectful. (The thing they organised was going to cost us a lot of money! So we should have been consulted).
We get no communication from them. They were sharing the driving a few times but stopped, so OH picks them up and drops them off both ways every time.
Going forwards I am going to ask for the gf's Mother's phone number and have some communication. Although I think that might go wrong as well considering they seem to treat him as if he doesn't have any family.
There is some history. They broke up last year - mainly over the fact that everything was on her terms. They got back together before we realised and we just accepted it. But everything is still on her terms. She decides when to see him at short notice and he is scared she will break up with him again if he doesn;t just jump. It's not great. And it's always very short notice. He can never plan anything.
As for why he looked half dead and exhausted, I am trying to guess - just had sex? Been drinking? Feeling caught in the middle if she made a fuss that he was coming home that night (as I say he could have brought her with him).
I suppose she'll want him to go there again instead of a meal with us. I suggested he invite her and he said no. It is clearly all very serious now but we are still his family! I feel annoyed with her Mother for hijacking our birthday celebration! Feeding him and giving him presents. Maybe she didn't know he was going to be here tonight. Maybe they just are disrespectful people.