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Original poster

Partner heavy handed /disrespectful/abusive to kids

133 replies

Cyanne0 · 01/03/2025 18:41

Hello, I've 3 children ages 2,4 and 6 .Been with partner 8 years (not married)
So over an 8 year period, these are the incidents that have happened involving him and the children.

General shouting at them when they won't go to sleep, intimidating.
Squeezing my sons head when he wouldn't eat a sausage saying "eat it" he was 3 years old.
Pushing son off bed in a rage
Throwing a water bottle near son's head, shouting go to bed, in frustration.
3 year old daughter, cos she wouldn't stop crying, when i was out at bedtime, and was over tired, put her hands round neck and squeezed, apparently child couldn't breath. She told me a week later, was horrified, i told my GP, they escalated to social services which was pleased about. They did nothing to be honest.
Its been a year passed since that awful incident. He didn't show huge remorse, and i had to beg him to apologise to my poor daughter, he eventually did but it didn't come from the heart.
I was going to end it a year ago but he went on meds and appeared more positive and calmer and happier.
But yesterday morning at 7am his two children were giggling in the morning and they came into his bedroom and I could hear him saying shut up and go away to them.. (we sleep in separate rooms cos of his snoring). I rushed down as he sounded stressed. Then he went in their room (they are only 4 and 6)and shouted "are you fucking thick or something shut the fuck up" he was raging, absolutely fuming at 7am. That level of anger i find intimidating, disrespectful and just awful. He wouldn't apologise to them when I asked and just said "il say what i want to my kids" and I'm not being lectured by you.
I'm at breaking point with the disrespect of this person. On the flip side he is 90% loving and fine with them and they love him. But I can't stay with soemone who shows this level of disrespect and abuse to his children.
I'm scared to end it cos I'm scared he will react and refuse to leave but I can't keep giving him chance after chance and im not happy.
Please be kind & thoughts please :(

OP posts:
Cattreesea · 01/03/2025 20:09

Why are you allowing this man to repeatedly abusive your kids?

Move out or kick him out but don't let this continue.

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 01/03/2025 20:12

Don't let any of your children be a headline.
The hands round the neck is not only disturbing but extremely dangerous.

Sportacus17 · 01/03/2025 20:15

You should be ashamed of yourself for not leaving when he nearly murdered your baby.

moose17 · 01/03/2025 20:17

If this is true I feel so sorry for your kids. You are allowing this man to repeatedly abusive your kids didn't sounds either you are fit to be parents. I know exactly what it feels like to be one of your children and my mum doing nothing about it left on when I was 16 and cut both my parents off best decision I ever made.

BassesAreBest · 01/03/2025 20:21

You aren’t married.

You own the house.

Why is he even still there? I cannot understand why any mother would stay with a man who could have killed her child.

socks1107 · 01/03/2025 20:26

My ex h put his hands round my neck. Once. I left.
Please leave.

jackstini · 01/03/2025 20:28

Bloody hell. WTF did I just read?

Tell him to leave. Now

Start giving your children the protection they deserve

LividBoop · 01/03/2025 20:37

I don't mean to sound victim-blamey but WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING still with him.

These are your BABIES and you are still living in a house, voluntarily, out of choice, with a man who strangled your daughter?

He's a violent abuser, fuck him, he's scum.

But YOU are the only one with the power here to get your babies to safety.

That incident was a year ago. You should have been gone and had him arrested a year ago. You have to fix that now, before it really is too late.

I've left an abusive relationship, before you think I don't know what I'm talking about. The moment social services turned up at my door he was gone, that simple. And of course it wasn't that simple, but it WAS. And in my case it was because I'd told someone he'd put his hands on my throat in anger.

Get him the fuck away from your babies. And then get some mega counselling to work out why you haven't done it already.

Irridescantshimmmer · 01/03/2025 20:49

LTB.......He's a danger to your kids.
He is out of control and as soon as he strangled his own child for the first time, you should have left him then.

Your kids are still very young and the tyrant is destroying their childhoods and they need you to make the right decisions to jeep them safe.

Remember there is a massive power imbalance between a young child and a grown man and its better to say goodbye to him than lose a child which is horrendous.

northwestgirl · 01/03/2025 20:49

please for your children's sakes and your own go to the police tomorrow
they can help you protect yourselves from him
there are orders that can be put in place and your house can be made safer

in addition, contact your local domestic abuse service- you and your children need help to recover from him

ReadingRubbish · 01/03/2025 20:51

Social services did nothing, they interviewed us, informed the school but ultimately nothing. Useless. X

To be fair to social services you weren't doing anything. It sounds like nobody was.

I'm glad you are doing something now.

Kahless · 01/03/2025 20:53

Mummy, daddy squeezed my neck and i couldn't breathe."

He's going to kill her, or you or another one of your children. Protect them.

Ashshandmaid · 01/03/2025 20:55

ReadingRubbish · 01/03/2025 20:51

Social services did nothing, they interviewed us, informed the school but ultimately nothing. Useless. X

To be fair to social services you weren't doing anything. It sounds like nobody was.

I'm glad you are doing something now.

In the kindest way I can say this... While the should have done something it's also up to you to protect them. So absolutely please do this now.

He's physically abusing your children. He's not heavy handed. Please protect them.

StSwithinsDay · 01/03/2025 20:56

i told my GP, they escalated to social services which was pleased about. They did nothing to be honest.

Neither did you. In fact, what you did was worse - you stayed with him knowing what he did to her.
For everyone's sake leave him.
How is your daughter now? Is she back in nursery?

Original poster
Cyanne0 · 01/03/2025 21:03

It sadly is true, the SS I had faith in, but they proved to do nothing. I couldn't beleive it. He showed huge improvements, got on antidepressants, seemed happier, calmer and totally different for nearly a year. Until 2 days ago he showed rage out of nowhere and verbally abusive to them at 7am.Out of nowhere. I thought we had made huge progress. But it's obviously all an act, mental health issues that need addressing but spends his life in denial, it's always somehow else's fault. Never takes accountability or apologises. I feel done, so drained from it all. Exactly what happens when they teens and they have attitude, what's he gonna do, punch them? Exactly this. I need to act now. X

OP posts:
Glorybox2025 · 01/03/2025 21:05

Cyanne0 · 01/03/2025 21:03

It sadly is true, the SS I had faith in, but they proved to do nothing. I couldn't beleive it. He showed huge improvements, got on antidepressants, seemed happier, calmer and totally different for nearly a year. Until 2 days ago he showed rage out of nowhere and verbally abusive to them at 7am.Out of nowhere. I thought we had made huge progress. But it's obviously all an act, mental health issues that need addressing but spends his life in denial, it's always somehow else's fault. Never takes accountability or apologises. I feel done, so drained from it all. Exactly what happens when they teens and they have attitude, what's he gonna do, punch them? Exactly this. I need to act now. X

Again, what did you expect them to do? When you decided to stay with him?

Original poster
Cyanne0 · 01/03/2025 21:06

StSwithinsDay · 01/03/2025 20:56

i told my GP, they escalated to social services which was pleased about. They did nothing to be honest.

Neither did you. In fact, what you did was worse - you stayed with him knowing what he did to her.
For everyone's sake leave him.
How is your daughter now? Is she back in nursery?

I told the school teacher what happened, i told the gp what happened and that i couldn't sleep with it all. He escalated to SS and i said thank you. I went to women's aid. He showed me signs of improvement, got on meds, and for the last year things have been good,as in seems happy like a different person. Until 2 days ago, hence why im sending this message. There is no chance of a man like this changing his ways, he gives me hope of change, but im starting to think it's all fake. A manipulater

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 01/03/2025 21:10

Why is he in your house

HeyDoodie · 01/03/2025 21:14

It’s irrelevant whether he apologies or not. He is dangerously abusive and has to leave now so that your children are safe. Strangling is a precursor to deadly violence. Take his behaviour seriously. Your children’s lives are at risk. Ring the police and tell them what has happened and mention that you may need their support in ensuring he leaves, particularly in light of his violent behaviour

HeyDoodie · 01/03/2025 21:15

You are taking a massive potentially deadly risk having the man in your house. Please prioritise your children’s safeguarding and lives.

Original poster
Cyanne0 · 01/03/2025 21:19

I will go tomorrow. Please don't shame. She's in reception and happy yes but will still remember that awful incident, most likely forever. I need to safely remove him. Im worried he just won't leave, i think the police can physically remove then I change the locks but I'm obviously scared. It's not his house but don't think he will willingly just leave

OP posts:
caringcarer · 01/03/2025 21:25

He is causing huge emotional and physical abuse to your DC. Why do you let him abuse your DC. They are tiny and only have you to protect them. Abusing them then saying sorry doesn't cancel the abuse out. You need to ask him to leave or you and the DC leave. You could go to a women's refuge to keep them safe. If you don't remove them from him one day his violent temper could mean he puts his hands around their tiny little necks, squeezed and then they are dead and you'd never forgive yourself you didn't keep them safe.

WhirlyTwoos · 01/03/2025 21:26

He is evil. He is a sick, vile abuser. No child deserves this. He could kill your daughter. If he kills your child, not only will your child be dead, but you could also be prosecuted for causing or allowing the death of a child, as you knew you were with a dangerous abuser but did nothing.

Please do the right thing now. Please protect your child.

MrsKeats · 01/03/2025 21:29

Cyanne0 · 01/03/2025 21:03

It sadly is true, the SS I had faith in, but they proved to do nothing. I couldn't beleive it. He showed huge improvements, got on antidepressants, seemed happier, calmer and totally different for nearly a year. Until 2 days ago he showed rage out of nowhere and verbally abusive to them at 7am.Out of nowhere. I thought we had made huge progress. But it's obviously all an act, mental health issues that need addressing but spends his life in denial, it's always somehow else's fault. Never takes accountability or apologises. I feel done, so drained from it all. Exactly what happens when they teens and they have attitude, what's he gonna do, punch them? Exactly this. I need to act now. X

Stop trying to blame social services for your own failure to act,
Kick him out.

Justgivemeaminuteplease · 01/03/2025 21:34

My mother chose to stay with my father, who behaved in a similar way to your children’s father.

One sibling is dead (suicide).
Another died due to alcoholism.
My remaining sibling refused to have children just in case he turned out like our father.

Please, please try to put yourself in the position of a four year old being shouted at by the person who should love and protect them.

I know from experience how hard leaving can be. But the peace and predictability of you as lone parent will help your children recover from this horrible life.