Partner heavy handed /disrespectful/abusive to kids

[Cyanne0]

Hello, I've 3 children ages 2,4 and 6 .Been with partner 8 years (not married)
So over an 8 year period, these are the incidents that have happened involving him and the children.

General shouting at them when they won't go to sleep, intimidating.
Squeezing my sons head when he wouldn't eat a sausage saying "eat it" he was 3 years old.
Pushing son off bed in a rage
Throwing a water bottle near son's head, shouting go to bed, in frustration.
3 year old daughter, cos she wouldn't stop crying, when i was out at bedtime, and was over tired, put her hands round neck and squeezed, apparently child couldn't breath. She told me a week later, was horrified, i told my GP, they escalated to social services which was pleased about. They did nothing to be honest.
Its been a year passed since that awful incident. He didn't show huge remorse, and i had to beg him to apologise to my poor daughter, he eventually did but it didn't come from the heart.
I was going to end it a year ago but he went on meds and appeared more positive and calmer and happier.
But yesterday morning at 7am his two children were giggling in the morning and they came into his bedroom and I could hear him saying shut up and go away to them.. (we sleep in separate rooms cos of his snoring). I rushed down as he sounded stressed. Then he went in their room (they are only 4 and 6)and shouted "are you fucking thick or something shut the fuck up" he was raging, absolutely fuming at 7am. That level of anger i find intimidating, disrespectful and just awful. He wouldn't apologise to them when I asked and just said "il say what i want to my kids" and I'm not being lectured by you.
I'm at breaking point with the disrespect of this person. On the flip side he is 90% loving and fine with them and they love him. But I can't stay with soemone who shows this level of disrespect and abuse to his children.
I'm scared to end it cos I'm scared he will react and refuse to leave but I can't keep giving him chance after chance and im not happy.
Please be kind & thoughts please :(

End the relationship, now. But you already know this.

I'm thinking you need to grab your big girls pants and take your dc far far away....
Or you fail them.

Get some advice from Women's Aid. He's a nasty piece of work and you need to get yourself and the kids away from him. Is it a rented house or mortgaged? Whose name is it in?

I only read the first two. Why are you still there?

No need to ever scream at children. He’s a bully. You know they need to be away from this. Poor things. Protect them.

You need to leave him before he kills.one of you....he strangled your DD...that's one of the most horrendous things I've ever read on here. Protect your children.

Hopefully someone will be here soon with some practical advice about how you can do that swiftly and safely

You told your GP who told social services that your partner put hands around your 3 year old child's neck until they couldn't breathe and no action was taken? Blimey.

It's not your fault OP. Don't feel any shame to reach out for help. You can't let your kids spend their lives in this situation and you are cognisant of the right action.

I understand you might be concerned about him having time with the children alone if you are split up. Do you think he would be bothered really with trying to see them? He sounds like a terrible and unloving dad so maybe this wouldn't matter. I would work with women's aid and social services to limit the risk of this happening.

You need to get him out your house. You need to protect your child against this abuse. He could have killed your dd!

no child should live like this.

I once sent a thread to the NSPCC as I was so worried for the mum and the children. Do something or I'll do the same here. This is horrific. I still can't bear to read it but seeing what @2chocolateoranges said..

If you're scared to end it then that shows what kind of man he is.

I'd seek as much support as you can first - from your HV, GP, Women's Aid - about how to end the relationship as safely as possible.

Ring tonight OP https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

You need leave. Now. I was in a very similar relationship a long time ago. My then dh strangled our 4 year old daughter. With the help of our local dv charity we got him out of our lives. Dd hasnt seen him for 10 years but she is mentally scarred for life. Nightmares, self harm, a suicide attempt. Please, please leave and protect your children.

Was he like this after you had your first kid? Or has it only happened since you were pregnant with your last kid?

Did he want the kids? He is clearly a very angry and nasty man.

What do your family and friends think of him?

I assume you know that you have to leave. Have you any evidence of the abuse? Has he admitted anything in a text?
I'd be worried about leaving the kids with him unsupervised.

You have to prioritize your kids safety and that means you have to leave him. Otherwise how do you think this will play out. How is it going to affect your kids?

What about when your kids are teens? What happens with the violence then?

You know that if he snapped again and hurt one of the children then you would be charged along side him as you've failed to protect. Child cruelty. Protect your children!!!!!!!!

So basically, I fortunately own our 4 bedroom house, through an inheritance situation so it's all in my name and not his. So thank the lord, that's in my favour. I just cannot understand how you can talk to kids like that with no apology. I just can't get my head around it. And yes the hands round next incident was awful. He didn't own up, he cowardly said he didn't remember whilst my poor 3 year old explained in detail what happened. Traumatised her. She had to stop going nursery as she didn't want me out her sight. She just one day said "Mummy, daddy squeezed my neck and i couldn't breathe." was horrified. His reaction was "go on call the police, get me arrested at work" that was his initial reply, which i found really odd. Not, "no i didn't do that, of course i didn't" like what u would say if u were innocent. He was defensive and odd. And lied saying it didn't happen. She stopped greeting him from work. I remember thinking how odd that was. I feel scared he will leave but then come back around one night in rage and break in kind of thing. I feel he's quietly controlling kind of thing. Weird upbringing, unloving parents, boarding school. But that's no excuse. Mine was loving and a lovely childhood. I had high hopes he would change but what happened 2 years ago with no guilt or empathy shows he will never change. Thank you i will contact women's aid. I do feel scared to drop them to him yes, if he can't cope what will he do, if I'm not there.. Scares me. Social services did nothing, they interviewed us, informed the school but ultimately nothing. Useless. X

Meant to say what happened 2 days ago, not years *(the abusive shouting and pushing off his bed)

im sorry you call social services useless? You’re their mother- why aren’t you protecting them. You call the police, you show your children, especially a girl, that no one has the right to strangle them. Sorry it never ceases to amaze me what women will put up with for a man!

So, he strangled your daughter and you’re concerned about apologies?

Stop wasting time trying to work out why he is doing what he has and get out. Then spend some time thinking about why you've not left sooner and get yourself some therapy.

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

What did you expect social services to do? You're the one who should be taking action. Honestly, this is infuriating. You're watching him abuse your children and expecting someone else to sort it out for you. Be a parent and call police to report the abuse and get him out!

Im going to the police tomorrow to explain my situation. X

You report him to Social Services
You've already sorted the Police - make sure you go
Change the locks
Pack his shit up
Keep detailed records of EVERYTHING, in writing such as emails, texts, etc

I'm struggling to get my head round what I'm reading..he almost strangled your child and you stayed with him? I'm sorry but you are putting them at risk every day by staying with him.
You MUST leave (or get him out) and make sure he doesn't have unsupervised contact.
I'm really shocked by this, if it's true

Please please do