We’re not the ‘fun’ house

[BadgerTart]

DS 8 is getting to the age he wants to spend more and more time with his friends. Which is great- we have a big house with lots of toys, I get in good snacks and loosen the rules when he’s got friends here. However, DS best friend doesn’t seem to like coming here and always wants DS at his. And DS always wants to be there. It’s what I would describe as a ‘fun’ house.

For example:
DS arrives at friend’s house, they take a big bag of crisps out the cupboard and disappear upstairs- at ours he has to ask for snacks (I relax on this when he has friends over), but no way would they go upstairs with crisps (new carpet).
They spend the majority of their time on devices (ipad, nintendo switch, playstation)- at mine they must play a while before the ipad comes out, and we have no other devices.
They have Disney plus, netflix, apple tv etc. We just have the bare minimum channels and no subscriptions.

DS is happy with our house and our rules when it’s just us. It works well for us and imo he needs the boundaries. He plays happily with his toys and I don’t feel like he is missing out at all.

I’ve always tried to create a safe home where other children feel welcome. But I feel I can’t compete with the house where anything goes and they have so much available.

His friend always seems so bored when he comes here, and DS seems embarrassed that we don’t have as much to offer as his friend.

Any advice on trying to keep the boys happy here? I would love to have his best friend over more, he’s a great kid and I must admit it stings a bit that they always want to be at his house.

Other parents and their houses will always be cooler than you! We don't have a lot of money and my Mum was OCD so things were a lot looser at ours when our kids were younger. Carpet always needed replacing and I have tiles through most of downstairs. So happy to sweep and mop mud/sand/water whatever. Let them run around in the garden with white socks on etc lol. Other kids loved it here but my son would always say things and still does. Yesterday "we're the only family with dog food stored in the dining room". At least we have dogs Alfie - most of your friends have been desperate for one and not allowed pets. I'd ignore it.

😂 you're really defensive on this thread.

No, I don't judge them at all and my child is free to eat as much as she likes. I'm totally relaxed around food and it means she tends not to "gorge" (which isn't a word I'd use anyway). I just don't 'get' it that this is considered 'fun' and nor do my dcs really. They both have gone along with it in the past and then come back home a bit bewildered and then don't do it much again. They need to try it out to see how they feel (not great if they eat a whole tub of candyfloss)!

It's just not 'fun' to any of us to squash in as many sweets as possible.

Awaits "SO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME??!!!" type response as has been your mo on here so far

Curious where I have been defensive?

I was just trying to point out that it's odd to judge other parents for how your child behaves.

Mine aren't really into sweets either (hence the bag of Christmas sweets gathering dust in my daughter's bedroom).

Well then you're probably not one of the parents I'm talking about?

You are coming across as very defensive to me but whatever you say

Feel like this thread is going downhill a bit, although the suggestions for making pasta maracas and/or taking my ds and his friends for a casual canoe trip on their next play date are hilarious. But we don’t have much screen time or a games console here, so my son does like going to friends houses and getting to do those things. Not to the degree that he’s agitating for them at home and I don’t always love how much he’s on screens at other people’s houses but it’s a treat for him. But I do see the flip side, which is that his good friend looks a bit lost when he comes over and there isn’t an obvious screen option on offer. So by age 9 I have definitely started to see that other houses might be preferred to ours for that reason. But I know the other parents worry about it too, so when the weather permits we get them out to the park or to our local adventure playground, which the council just reopened and is great for their age.

You have to accept that screens, phones, online coms have replaced street play and you cannot opt out of it entirely or your DS will have no friends.

I wouldn't allow my kid and his friends to play in the street anyway. I don't even let my own kids, but I wouldn't want to be responsible if they have guests, and I am not wasting my time supervising.

When they are on screen, they are busy, happy, safe and I am not involved.

It's not about being the fun house, it's about mummy not being a childminder but having peace and quiet during playdates

They have zero social skills too.
clearly they do if they have so many friends over as soon as they can 😂😂

They do sports and clubs 6 days a week, we're good with indoors screen playdates, thanks.

I can't see the defensiveness at all? I think you are reading things into my post that aren't there.
It's good to teach your children they can say no to sweets and treats when offered though.

How come ‘fun’ houses are getting such a pasting on here? When did the fun house become a by-word for bad parenting?

Passive aggressive then?

My initial post wasn't directed at you at all so let's stop derailing what was an interesting discussion

The idea of a child coming home "bewildered" at the fact that there were lots of sweets to eat at a play date is funny.

😂 is it?

It is a bit weird to me too, but must just be specific to our family. I have to say, it's only the odd play date and not people we see often where this happens, so just not what she or I are used to.

When I say huge amounts I mean huge. Do you really think it's standard to give each kid a big bag of pick and mix sweets? Like big - I'm not a small eater and I couldn't eat them all kind of thing?

I think you're underestimating the quantities I'm talking about

jealousy...

and competitive parents who realise they are not the leaders in the race with the Joneses 😂

You know when some parents "carefully source tasteful educational advanced toys and distraction, and stick with healthy products and mindfulness nonsense" AND are so smug about it, but then realise that not only no one actually cares about their efforts, but others kids are thriving just as much if not more with a balanced lifestyle 😂😂

Technically we all could serve a handmade organic soup as a refreshment, but some of us just order pizzas to be delivered and the kids love it😂

of course it's common. These bags last forever.

Maybe they get wolf down by kids who are not used to eat sweets, but when they have them in moderation at parties and events, they know how to restrain themselves.

🙄 it's impossible to have a sensible conversation about this without some passive aggressive "maybe some children nerr nerr nerr" comment, unless you join in the whole "🤣 games consoles and 😂 😂 😂 pizza are a 🤣 gateway drug " shtick

So I'll leave you to it! Enjoy 🍫

We were the fun house , and amazingly enough still kinda are at secondary.

No subscription to streaming services and no gaming devices except an ipad. Not many rules in place (tbf most kids were pretty well behaved), main one being "Don't break yourself or the furniture " a large and varied range of activities available(indoor, outdoor, crafty, active ,chilling, boardgames,pretend play, veg on the ipad whatever), including bothering myself to take them to the park/shops(which I secretly hated).

Now they're early teens, we're the meet up place. I put the "effort" into organising it , everyone gets dropped off here and off they go to the park, shops and chip shop for lunch, to the woods/field etc. then get picked up again.

I am not sorry I touched a nerve 😉

Just curious and asking everyone in general who never allows snacks upstairs. - why can't the no snacks rule be relaxed just for sleepovers?

😁 My kids friends enjoyed being at our house so much that they still come here in their twenties, despite one poster alluding that these friendships don’t last. We were a fun house and I’m proud of it. It was relaxed and chill, not Lord of the Flies!

In what way passive aggressive? I don't think you understand the term

As I said if the op thinks so little of the parenting at the fun house,maybe she shouldn't let her ds over there.
Maybe keep him at home where you can see him.
And see where that gets you.

As someone who had an overly strict and overbearing parent maybe it's not the other boy who will go off the rails.

I can see this has upset you a little. It is worth teaching your children self restraint and the ability to say no though. When they reach their teenage years that becomes very important.

Mine have severe allergies so had to learn not to accept food offered to them before they were out of nappies pretty much. We'd have the well meaning person at a toddler group offering them a biscuit, or friends at a party passing round sweets, or more recently a doctor offering my son some chocolate when he felt faint at an air cadets parade.

If they don't like or want to eat the sweets noone will mind if they say " none for me, thank you "

And in all honesty it is sometimes trauma or similar, something outside any parents control, that sends a child "off the rails".

I’m forever eating snacks upstairs so it’s not a rule that's ever been enforced in my house, as I would just upset myself.

As a kid, our house was absolutely not the fun house. Our parents were rather ansocial and extremely house-proud; there were no sleepovers and friends were rarely welcome to even set foot inside. They didn’t want to come over anyway, since me and my siblings didn’t really have any ‘cool’ toys or a computer or games console. I have to say, in terms of making friends and developing social skills, it did us no good whatsoever.

This ⬆️
I always explain to my 10 year old that people have different ways of living and it doesn’t mean that one way is better than the other, just different.