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Original poster

We’re not the ‘fun’ house

238 replies

BadgerTart · 21/02/2025 19:56

DS 8 is getting to the age he wants to spend more and more time with his friends. Which is great- we have a big house with lots of toys, I get in good snacks and loosen the rules when he’s got friends here. However, DS best friend doesn’t seem to like coming here and always wants DS at his. And DS always wants to be there. It’s what I would describe as a ‘fun’ house.

For example:
DS arrives at friend’s house, they take a big bag of crisps out the cupboard and disappear upstairs- at ours he has to ask for snacks (I relax on this when he has friends over), but no way would they go upstairs with crisps (new carpet).
They spend the majority of their time on devices (ipad, nintendo switch, playstation)- at mine they must play a while before the ipad comes out, and we have no other devices.
They have Disney plus, netflix, apple tv etc. We just have the bare minimum channels and no subscriptions.

DS is happy with our house and our rules when it’s just us. It works well for us and imo he needs the boundaries. He plays happily with his toys and I don’t feel like he is missing out at all.

I’ve always tried to create a safe home where other children feel welcome. But I feel I can’t compete with the house where anything goes and they have so much available.

His friend always seems so bored when he comes here, and DS seems embarrassed that we don’t have as much to offer as his friend.

Any advice on trying to keep the boys happy here? I would love to have his best friend over more, he’s a great kid and I must admit it stings a bit that they always want to be at his house.

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WildCherryBlossom · 23/02/2025 10:26

Nobody takes food (or shoes) upstairs however young or old in my house. Plenty of space to eat downstairs. It doesn't seem uptight to me, just normal.

@uglyjessie crisps leave greasy stains

Apennyforapound · 23/02/2025 10:35

I don't think that there is a right or wrong, regarding where you eat your snacks. It is just different lifestyle choices at the end of the day, and what suits you. I think it is things like this that are making this thread a bit petty, and feeding into such a black and white extreme scenario, a one with no middle ground.

You could have a no snacks upstairs rule, and be a relaxed household in other ways, just as you could have snacks upstairs and be stricter with other things. It isn't one or the other. A household with absolutely no rules and out of control disrespectful dcs, is no better than an overly controlled, emotionally damaging micromanaging one, with nervous kids walking on eggshells. We used to joke that dh's now estranged df worked for MI5. The truth is both are extreme examples. There is a balance, and most people are somewhere inbetween.

You cannot judge a whole household based on one or two rules that differ from your own. Some people also tend to relax off a bit when friends come around. For example when I was a child, I had a friend whose house was stricter than my house, but when friends came around for sleep overs etc, her Mum was so lovely, and let us have treats, do what we wanted (within reason, we were respectful kids). Those are great memories. My house was a little more relaxed, but not as fun as that when friends came over. You really cannot judge.

OneBrickSeal · 23/02/2025 12:46

If you don’t want them on screens the whole time why don’t you take them to the park/playground before you go home and let them burn some energy there for an hour or 2 then let them to their own devices for the rest of the play date

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Ilikepianos · 23/02/2025 18:57

Apennyforapound · 22/02/2025 00:06

No breakfast in bed 😭

Show quote history

I don't really understand why people like breakfast in bed. But no, definitely not allowed :)

Ilikepianos · 23/02/2025 19:00

Apennyforapound · 23/02/2025 10:35

I don't think that there is a right or wrong, regarding where you eat your snacks. It is just different lifestyle choices at the end of the day, and what suits you. I think it is things like this that are making this thread a bit petty, and feeding into such a black and white extreme scenario, a one with no middle ground.

You could have a no snacks upstairs rule, and be a relaxed household in other ways, just as you could have snacks upstairs and be stricter with other things. It isn't one or the other. A household with absolutely no rules and out of control disrespectful dcs, is no better than an overly controlled, emotionally damaging micromanaging one, with nervous kids walking on eggshells. We used to joke that dh's now estranged df worked for MI5. The truth is both are extreme examples. There is a balance, and most people are somewhere inbetween.

You cannot judge a whole household based on one or two rules that differ from your own. Some people also tend to relax off a bit when friends come around. For example when I was a child, I had a friend whose house was stricter than my house, but when friends came around for sleep overs etc, her Mum was so lovely, and let us have treats, do what we wanted (within reason, we were respectful kids). Those are great memories. My house was a little more relaxed, but not as fun as that when friends came over. You really cannot judge.

Edited

I completely agree some people are very different when friends are round. One of my friends cooks homemade meal, restricts screen time, doesn't even do desert every day. But when she has a group of kids together she gives them a whole pack of biscuits. On the other hand some people don't relax their rules much- what u see is pretty much how they live.

bexollie · 23/02/2025 19:15

Wow, who wants crumbs in the bed and all over the carpet . Food should be at the table kids are messy. Allow them to rule the roost now it will be vapes and booze when teenagers .

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/02/2025 19:36

bexollie · 23/02/2025 19:15

Wow, who wants crumbs in the bed and all over the carpet . Food should be at the table kids are messy. Allow them to rule the roost now it will be vapes and booze when teenagers .

Yep. Everyone knows the gateway to vaping and drinking as a teen is eating crisps in the bedroom as an 8 year old.

cannaecookrisotto · 24/02/2025 00:18

WatershopDown · 21/02/2025 23:23

Firstly, sadly, parents get boys on to screens and gaming in a way and at an age they don't do with girls - much earlier and much more. Particularly in certain demographics.

Girls play excellent imaginative games, do crafts etc. Many boys just do screens and may be football. Whether it's parents pandering to their entitled little boys or genuily disliking them or simply indifference or giving up on them too soon or if the behaviour is too problematic to actually deal with instead of chucking a screen at them, I don't know as I wouldn't do that.

From so much screen time children's attention becomes fragmented. So a normal film is boring. They lose their ability to play. They have zero social skills too. at 8 they aren't able to play or are "too old" or have "outgrown" stuff.

They grow up with no imagination, poor problem solving and at 22 are too bored to hold down a job. Remember how in primary they were too old to play at 8 or sometimes 7 or even 6? They couldnt occupy themseves. Because parents made life overscheduled, easy, over entertained, and screen based. So no resilience or autonomy or ability to tolerate boredom in an adult

There is so much gender stereotyping these days, and so many parents behaving like sheep, despite research proving kids need to play with all types of toys, many people are so influenced by the trash theyve seen in the media or in advets or in shop aisles which means only construction toys vehicle, dinosaurs or monsters are bought for boys- so nothing really interesting and their interest in varied nurturing games is hardly ever maintained. Outside of earlier years when lite boys carry around their vehicles and treat them as humans in the absence of human dolls or even soft toys, there isn't much.

Secondly, they come to the chavvy house just for those perks so the friendship is fake.

That house isn't a good influence, may be try to minimise the visits?

Sorry but this is bollocks.

I'm 34. A woman. I was brought up on gaming, I got my first PlayStation the year it was released and have owned consoles ever since. Still do today. In fact, my daughter went to bed this evening and I switched it on.

I also own a successful company with a massive turnover. I can assure you motivation isn't a problem, or imagination.

My 8 year old daughter loves gaming. She also loves reading, drawing, maths, horse riding and fishing!

She's also allowed crisps upstairs and we don't have rats.

This thread is weird as fuck honestly. Parent however you want, but times change and as long as my children are working hard then they can play hard too. And if they choose to spend that time playing bloody Crash Bandicoot or Roblox then they can crack on.

Unclench people.

bexollie · 24/02/2025 07:09

Kids are different they like all manner of things but as long as they have rules and consistency they will be happy . Having guidelines as a child equips them for when they are older. Children thrive better with rules. The parent is right to have a few rules and no food upstairs .

Original poster
BadgerTart · 14/03/2025 18:36

So, I have an update on this thread.

DS best friend came over yesterday. They played for 30 minutes before they started asking for the ipad. And I said yes (normally I‘d make them wait a while longer). They played together for 1.5 hours.

After, they played football and with hot wheels for another 1.5 hours and had a great time (there was no school, he was here 2-5.30pm). DS best friend asked when his mum was coming to get him, I said very soon. He said ‘oh, I wish I could stay longer, it’s so cool here’ (or words to that effect, we speak a different language).

I took your advice and relaxed a little. I feel it helped to get the screen time out of the way so they weren’t moping around waiting for it.

I’n so pleased he felt comfortable here and wasn’t waiting to leave. And DS had a great time too. I’m hoping this will continue, and we can be a place for the boys to hang out as they get older

OP posts:
Original poster
BadgerTart · 14/03/2025 18:37

And I still said no when they wanted to take squash and popcorn upstairs 😉

OP posts:
GravyBoatWars · 14/03/2025 20:02

Fantastic update, OP. I think that letting go of the need for them to "earn" their screen time by doing other things first was a great move and I'm glad they responded so well to it.

I think almost all of us want to be the type of parent who finds that perfect middle ground where we're neither too permissive nor too strict, but figuring out exactly where and how to implement rules and freedom in order to accomplish that is a neverending puzzle.

JohnTheRevelator · 15/07/2025 17:21

I think the problem is actually with the child,and his parents for encouraging it,not you or your house! It makes a nice change to hear of kids actually playing outside rather than being glued to a screen of some sort indoors.

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