Page 5 | We’re not the ‘fun’ house

BadgerTart · 2025-02-21T19:56:58+00:00

DS 8 is getting to the age he wants to spend more and more time with his friends. Which is great- we have a big house with lots of toys, I get in good snacks and loosen the rules when he’s got friends here. However, DS best friend doesn’t seem to like coming here and always wants DS at his. And DS always wants to be there. It’s what I would describe as a ‘fun’ house. For example: DS arrives at friend’s house, they take a big bag of crisps out the cupboard and disappear upstairs- at ours he has to ask for snacks (I relax on this when he has friends over), but no way would they go upstairs with crisps (new carpet). They spend the majority of their time on devices (ipad, nintendo switch, playstation)- at mine they must play a while before the ipad comes out, and we have no other devices. They have Disney plus, netflix, apple tv etc. We just have the bare minimum channels and no subscriptions. DS is happy with our house and our rules when it’s just us. It works well for us and imo he needs the boundaries. He plays happily with his toys and I don’t feel like he is missing out at all. I’ve always tried to create a safe home where other children feel welcome. But I feel I can’t compete with the house where anything goes and they have so much available. His friend always seems so bored when he comes here, and DS seems embarrassed that we don’t have as much to offer as his friend. Any advice on trying to keep the boys happy here? I would love to have his best friend over more, he’s a great kid and I must admit it stings a bit that they always want to be at his house.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Boredoutofmyhead · 21/02/2025 23:28

WatershopDown · 21/02/2025 23:23

Firstly, sadly, parents get boys on to screens and gaming in a way and at an age they don't do with girls - much earlier and much more. Particularly in certain demographics.

Girls play excellent imaginative games, do crafts etc. Many boys just do screens and may be football. Whether it's parents pandering to their entitled little boys or genuily disliking them or simply indifference or giving up on them too soon or if the behaviour is too problematic to actually deal with instead of chucking a screen at them, I don't know as I wouldn't do that.

From so much screen time children's attention becomes fragmented. So a normal film is boring. They lose their ability to play. They have zero social skills too. at 8 they aren't able to play or are "too old" or have "outgrown" stuff.

They grow up with no imagination, poor problem solving and at 22 are too bored to hold down a job. Remember how in primary they were too old to play at 8 or sometimes 7 or even 6? They couldnt occupy themseves. Because parents made life overscheduled, easy, over entertained, and screen based. So no resilience or autonomy or ability to tolerate boredom in an adult

There is so much gender stereotyping these days, and so many parents behaving like sheep, despite research proving kids need to play with all types of toys, many people are so influenced by the trash theyve seen in the media or in advets or in shop aisles which means only construction toys vehicle, dinosaurs or monsters are bought for boys- so nothing really interesting and their interest in varied nurturing games is hardly ever maintained. Outside of earlier years when lite boys carry around their vehicles and treat them as humans in the absence of human dolls or even soft toys, there isn't much.

Secondly, they come to the chavvy house just for those perks so the friendship is fake.

That house isn't a good influence, may be try to minimise the visits?

What an absolute pile of shit..
Chavvy house really that a very snobby attitude.
@BadgerTart Only knows what her ds has told her.

I've 5 sons,and yes they game but they also have outside interests.
This attitude towards boys is horrible.

babyproblems · 21/02/2025 23:30

Honestly I’d not be allowing him to see that friend much. Sounds like it’s all UPF and screens, I don’t think either is appropriate at 8 for two boys to be honest. If he has other friends I’d be seeking them out more and limiting the contact with this one. Do you know what parental controls are in place at the kids house? It all sounds a bit unsupervised as if they’re 15 or so!

StaringAtTheWater · 21/02/2025 23:34

I also have an 8 year old boy and I'm unapologetically not a 'fun house'. One of my son's friends is always asking to go on a screen when he's here (he's an only child, has ADHD, and the mum admits herself that she's not at all outdoorsy; so I think screens are an easy solution for them) and I just say 'we don't do that in our house when friends are over - why don't you go do x / y / z?'

I don't care that our house isn't cool. They are 8 for crying out loud! They should still be doing imaginative play / jumping around playing floor is lava / building things / jumping on a trampoline.

WatershopDown · 21/02/2025 23:39

Boredoutofmymind

Why do they need to game? There is actual play kids need, not devices. Most gaming isn't for the age of OP's son's age. Do you know what those "gamers" and screen content consumers tend do at school?
Why have so many kids if you are can't cope and are just putting them on to screens?
Almost all vile age inappropriate behaviour in little boys at school comes from those "gaming" boys. Particularly those that spend lots of time around other boys like that.

Plus they learn to worship screens and influencers, become unable to tell what's normal and real and what's not and its not something their already vulnerable brains need.

You probably have no idea what they do or talk about at school due to the access you give them.

godddwhathaveyoudone · 21/02/2025 23:40

WatershopDown · 21/02/2025 23:23

Firstly, sadly, parents get boys on to screens and gaming in a way and at an age they don't do with girls - much earlier and much more. Particularly in certain demographics.

Girls play excellent imaginative games, do crafts etc. Many boys just do screens and may be football. Whether it's parents pandering to their entitled little boys or genuily disliking them or simply indifference or giving up on them too soon or if the behaviour is too problematic to actually deal with instead of chucking a screen at them, I don't know as I wouldn't do that.

From so much screen time children's attention becomes fragmented. So a normal film is boring. They lose their ability to play. They have zero social skills too. at 8 they aren't able to play or are "too old" or have "outgrown" stuff.

They grow up with no imagination, poor problem solving and at 22 are too bored to hold down a job. Remember how in primary they were too old to play at 8 or sometimes 7 or even 6? They couldnt occupy themseves. Because parents made life overscheduled, easy, over entertained, and screen based. So no resilience or autonomy or ability to tolerate boredom in an adult

There is so much gender stereotyping these days, and so many parents behaving like sheep, despite research proving kids need to play with all types of toys, many people are so influenced by the trash theyve seen in the media or in advets or in shop aisles which means only construction toys vehicle, dinosaurs or monsters are bought for boys- so nothing really interesting and their interest in varied nurturing games is hardly ever maintained. Outside of earlier years when lite boys carry around their vehicles and treat them as humans in the absence of human dolls or even soft toys, there isn't much.

Secondly, they come to the chavvy house just for those perks so the friendship is fake.

That house isn't a good influence, may be try to minimise the visits?

‘Chavvy house’???

QforCucumber · 21/02/2025 23:42

@WatershopDown you don’t own a current 8 year old do you 😂😂

the boys in ds1 year are all over football, water guns, den building and nerf battles, while more than half of the girls have mobiles, are making tik tok dances at the weekend and demanding drunk elephant skincare for Xmas. (Parents WhatsApp group backs this up)

Out of the 30 kids in his one form entry year - 3 of the 17 boys have phones, 9 of the 13 girls do,

but don’t let that change your stereotype.

yourmaw · 21/02/2025 23:43

maybe take up a little of your time -is worth it tho..do make and play...fill empty tubs with pasta or similar-now they have maraccas-get saucepans n wooden spoons out-now they are in a band...the floor is lava with cushion islands...anything arty(doesnt need to be paint\glue)chalk outside.hopscotch.mine loved a empty plastic bottle-half filled with water n pretty much repeatedly threw it to see if could land it standing......simple not even particularly imaginative but ....one each = competition.
if super mumsy(?)-make cakes or get rich tea biscuits -blob jam n put lid on then icing n add sprinkles. all = FUN house/n plug required

Forthethirdyearinarow87 · 21/02/2025 23:46

BettyBardMacDonald · 21/02/2025 23:13

There's nothing wrong with having rules about eating only in the kitchen. For kids or teens.

Too much food emphasis in social events anyway. There is no way I would be encouraging bags of crisps and other crap going upstairs to bedrooms on a normal play date.

OP, I'd make a rule that there must be alternating play dates, and/or encourage your son to find other friends.

Show quote history

Personally I wouldn’t be so controlling over a bag of crisps! I’d choose my battles!

Unsupervised free access to IPad and streaming apps is more worrying and I would be asking the parents of ds’s friend what parental controls they have?

In your shoes op, I would try and mimic what your ds’s friend’s house offers but on your terms. For eight year olds, it’s probably not so much the chips themselves or the gaming ; it’s the independence they are craving.

So offer them access to a tablet, but have your controls on it . And offer them a tree house or a den with a box of snacks chosen by you. But give them a bit of freedom on your terms!

Boredoutofmyhead · 21/02/2025 23:47

WatershopDown · 21/02/2025 23:39

Boredoutofmymind

Why do they need to game? There is actual play kids need, not devices. Most gaming isn't for the age of OP's son's age. Do you know what those "gamers" and screen content consumers tend do at school?
Why have so many kids if you are can't cope and are just putting them on to screens?
Almost all vile age inappropriate behaviour in little boys at school comes from those "gaming" boys. Particularly those that spend lots of time around other boys like that.

Plus they learn to worship screens and influencers, become unable to tell what's normal and real and what's not and its not something their already vulnerable brains need.

You probably have no idea what they do or talk about at school due to the access you give them.

Edited

You've no idea the access I allow.
Also you're assuming my kids aren't adults.
But the world now is online, schoolwork online.
My kids also play out

And this might surprise you not every child enjoys playing out or boardgames.

WatershopDown · 21/02/2025 23:48

Yes chavvy- illiterate, anti social and low class

WatershopDown · 21/02/2025 23:49

QforCucumber · 21/02/2025 23:42

@WatershopDown you don’t own a current 8 year old do you 😂😂

the boys in ds1 year are all over football, water guns, den building and nerf battles, while more than half of the girls have mobiles, are making tik tok dances at the weekend and demanding drunk elephant skincare for Xmas. (Parents WhatsApp group backs this up)

Out of the 30 kids in his one form entry year - 3 of the 17 boys have phones, 9 of the 13 girls do,

but don’t let that change your stereotype.

Must be a freak year in an unusual school

mitogoshigg · 21/02/2025 23:49

If it's limited in your house on tech you do need to be offering games etc that are exciting, no just leave them to it eg teach them to play a new board game, do you have anywhere from your childhood

WatershopDown · 21/02/2025 23:57

Op don't feel bad - they are shit playdate hosts. Nobody should be putting kids on to screens when they are round to play. Do you go to see friends and family and then sit on a device, gaming or watching a YouTube on how to game during the process?
That would be ridiculous and invalidates the whole point of having people round.

GravyBoatWars · 22/02/2025 00:03

.fill empty tubs with pasta or similar-now they have maraccas-get saucepans n wooden spoons out-now they are in a band...

Watching someone try to get two 8-year-olds interested in playing with mararoni maracas and saucepan drums would at least be good entertainment for the spectator

Apennyforapound · 22/02/2025 00:06

Ilikepianos · 21/02/2025 20:44

I think its fine. My mum told me no snacks upstairs at 18. Our house was quite a fun house because she was happy to have 6 teenagers over at once and allow sleep overs. She offered everyone biscuits downstairs. We had a laugh, they never complained. I don't know if it would still be the same these days as a lot of parents are very lenient.

Show quote history

No breakfast in bed 😭

GravyBoatWars · 22/02/2025 00:09

Do you go to see friends and family and then sit on a device, gaming or watching a YouTube on how to game during the process?

Before I had kids? Yes. Most adults I know have spent plenty of time gathered with friends to watch movies or TV or sports or playing video games and it's been that way since TVs became widespread.

Managing screen time to make sure it doesn't take away from other important things and ensuring content is age-appropriate is important, but there's no need to let it addle our brains and memories.

yourmaw · 22/02/2025 00:23

@WatershopDown

WOW . firstly......where on earth are you pulling such extreme generalisations\utter nonsense from.?
specifically "Whether it's parents pandering to their entitled little boys or genuily disliking them or simple indifference...etc" is very difficult to even segregate which of your comments are the most incredible!
what exactly is your "lived experience"and self colleated observations of the demographics? how boys girls are similar\vary. at all...then add at gender specific play..if you like...all the way to write off 8yrs n beyond as no social skills?where?
any nursery\school setting encompasses socialising with peers -so not just parental negligence with your invented info and bullshit narrative.
wound yourself into some sorta voice of authority - and then skip 14 formative years of development/educatin/socialising til they hit 22 all beit in your view -useless to society.
Do tell......what fate then?...
I would go outta my way to be deemed chavvy....by you. take me+mine right off your circuit. Other kids houses can have all range of differences/dynamics....brothers sisters,n f parents,who wrks or not etc just tip of it.
I guess it would have been easier to just say- i completely disgree.with all youve said. but my drastic dragged up unimaginative stereotypical normark might have come across a bit naff.as oppse to delusinal you favour.

SouthLondonMum22 · 22/02/2025 00:29

GravyBoatWars · 22/02/2025 00:03

.fill empty tubs with pasta or similar-now they have maraccas-get saucepans n wooden spoons out-now they are in a band...

Watching someone try to get two 8-year-olds interested in playing with mararoni maracas and saucepan drums would at least be good entertainment for the spectator

Edited

I was thinking the same thing. I'd do something like that with toddlers, not 8 year olds!

IridiumSky · 22/02/2025 00:34

Easy. As you have a ‘big house’ and presumably a big garden, buy Nerf guns now, then wait a few years and do what I did: Buy airguns.

I’ve always found that firearms solve most problems with young boys.

😀

Munichfam5 · 22/02/2025 00:34

I’d say try and chill out a bit and let them have a bit of free rein for the couple of hours you let DC have a play date x

this is from a mum that always wanted to do the ‘right’ thing with my DC’s ,,in hindsight , really just let them do their own thing and relax !

Bbq1 · 22/02/2025 01:02

JeremiahBullfrog · 21/02/2025 21:44

A child who is already relying on Netflix and unlimited crisps to enjoy himself at age 8 is not likely to have a happy adulthood, I wouldn't think.

😂

oakleaffy · 22/02/2025 01:53

Cynic17 · 21/02/2025 20:01

Good! That means your child is being brought up properly, with respect for discipline and boundaries.

@BadgerTart Read, learn and inwardly digest..☝️ 🎯 .

Lax house is not good..stick with your rules .

oakleaffy · 22/02/2025 02:05

IridiumSky · 22/02/2025 00:34

Easy. As you have a ‘big house’ and presumably a big garden, buy Nerf guns now, then wait a few years and do what I did: Buy airguns.

I’ve always found that firearms solve most problems with young boys.

😀

Edited

Michael Ryan......
Our Dad used to buy air guns for my brothers, but before then he used to go to a gun shop in a nearby Country town and Michael Ryan worked there occasionally.. Firearms definitely didn't solve things well in Ryan's case.

NotVeryFunny · 22/02/2025 03:08

I don't think there's much justification for not allowing snacks upstairs when DC have friends over. It's a few crumbs. Just get the hoover out.

yourmaw · 22/02/2025 04:21

@GravyBoatWars very fair point.!so,ok add try to aim age apropriate...anything beyond 18mths might require something more hardcore....perhaps bic pens with the ink stick removed and dried peas.? nothing like the brutal sting of childhood. suggest torment the street with knock door run.... u think it probably worth remembering kids learn pretty quickly from whos mums like what,and what plethora of entertainment is on the go. Having top of range consoles and variety of games n merch is not guarnteed as "fun house" they have to interact\share\take turns.explain how to play..even if you want to assume higher class/deem chavvy...basic human interactions occur. im not even touching the food boundary lines. yu m\ke your own rules,everyne sticks to them-the end

We’re not the ‘fun’ house

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