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Original poster

Introducing 13 year old to new partner

56 replies

Darklava09 · 11/02/2025 00:43

Would like some advice or positive stories on how to go about introducing my 13 yr old to my partner.

me and his dad separated well over a year ago. I have been with my partner almost 10 months and was planning on introducing him to my DS soon.

I am a little worried as my son has said a fair few times he doesn’t want me to move on, doesn’t want me to get a boyfriend, said I shouldn’t be putting my own happiness first when I explained to him before that life moves on and mom is entitled to be happy too in the future.

any advice on how to navigate this or positive stories? The plan was a joint activity next month but after him saying I’m putting my own happiness first makes me really hesitant now but equally I too do want a life and to be happy and I think once he got to know my new partner he would really like him.

ahhh

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 11/02/2025 10:41

Your son is 13 so should be able to stay home alone for a few hours while you see your bf for a date. Your son would probably prefer this to doing stuff with your bf and his kids.
As someone else said you need to remember that your son is still processing things while you emotionally detached year(s?) ago so have a head start on thinking about the future. 13 is one of those ages where school will be pushing “the future” with things like talk of GCSE options but your son may be like many others and find it too much pressure because he doesn’t know what he wants to do.

MsPavlichenko · 11/02/2025 10:46

Darklava09 · 11/02/2025 10:16

It’s just because our kids have similar interests and likes so we end up going to the same things just at different times of the day.. etc

Show quote history

So what? They enjoy it with their respective parents, not necessarily with each other. That’s really about allowing you and your DP to spend time together, not about their wants or needs. Again, there is no need to rush this.

Original poster
Darklava09 · 11/02/2025 14:30

BrassyPalm · 11/02/2025 10:34

@Darklava09 I’ve always had full custody, ex husband wasn’t interested in it and only saw them on Sundays (now they either go over for dinner or don’t go at all - they’re all teenagers now and seem quite ambivalent to him and his new family). When we separated I had 3 under 6. No family here and no support from anyone.

I was SAH for the first couple of years and relied on babysitters for dating. After that I got an au pair - it worked out cheaper than breakfast clubs and after school clubs and gave me a lot more flexibility with my study/work. Having the au pair allowed me to meet up for lunches and stay in town for dinners etc. If I stayed out I’d get home before 6am so - when they were young - they saw me when they woke up. When they were a little older I was quite open about dating, I didn’t hide it but I think they weren’t bothered by it as they knew I was still there for them and not changing anything about their home life.

Now they’re teens and they can a) take care of themselves if I’m out and b) seem to be completely emotionally secure and are not bothered if I’m out or not. They wouldn’t mind at all if I was living with my partner but I don’t want to live with anyone at the moment. I enjoy having things separate for now.

I mean if I could afford an au pair to move in with me and do that so I could go out and live my life I would but sadly there is not a chance that I’d ever be in that position.

I think it’s very difficult to try and have some sort of relationship seeing someone 1-2 times per week.

OP posts:

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SallyWD · 11/02/2025 15:09

I think it's too soon really. A year ago you were with his dad and now you want to introduce another man. I think he's still coming to terms with the break up. I'd take things very slowly and not introduce them for some time.

Chuchoter · 11/02/2025 15:29

'we want to take the next step and introduce my kids to him and his kids to me as we are commited to a long lasting future together but equally want to get it right also. '

You've only been with him ten months!

Please don't make a mess of yours and his children's lives by introducing them so quickly.

13 is a difficult age, one where children may start showing a rebellious streak which usually settles when they are 15.

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 17:15

I’m intrigued by the timeline

on this thread you have separated a year from your ex. But then you also say on this thread that in October you’d been separated for a year.

And a fortnight you start thread about how you’re obsessing about your ex seeing other people, you make zero reference to a new partner.

All in all, I feel for your children (and his!)

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