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Original poster

Introducing 13 year old to new partner

56 replies

Darklava09 · 11/02/2025 00:43

Would like some advice or positive stories on how to go about introducing my 13 yr old to my partner.

me and his dad separated well over a year ago. I have been with my partner almost 10 months and was planning on introducing him to my DS soon.

I am a little worried as my son has said a fair few times he doesn’t want me to move on, doesn’t want me to get a boyfriend, said I shouldn’t be putting my own happiness first when I explained to him before that life moves on and mom is entitled to be happy too in the future.

any advice on how to navigate this or positive stories? The plan was a joint activity next month but after him saying I’m putting my own happiness first makes me really hesitant now but equally I too do want a life and to be happy and I think once he got to know my new partner he would really like him.

ahhh

OP posts:
BaMamma · 11/02/2025 00:45

He's 13 and he's complaining about you putting your own happiness first? My first thought is that he's being coached by his Dad, that's just not the way 13 yo boys talk.

alexdgr8 · 11/02/2025 00:53

it seems very soon.
Why do you have to introduce them.
Can't you just see this person when your son is with his father.
I do actually agree with your son.
I think you should put his welfare first.
At least until he is 16.

dontcryformeargentina · 11/02/2025 01:22

Put your child welfare first.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

13 year olds Families
Bobbi730 · 11/02/2025 01:40

It's too soon to introduce a new partner into this situation. Your son needs stability and not more confusion.
Ideally wait for at least another year before introducing a new partner and focus on your son.
If you want your new partner to have a good relationship with your son, you have to wait. Otherwise your son will probably hate them for taking away his mum.
My friend did this and now has a really difficult living situation. There's no rush.

Ponderingwindow · 11/02/2025 01:52

Based on the timing, this must be your first relationship post divorce. The ink is barely dry. Are you fairly certain that this man is the one and your relationship is going to last forever? If it is not, then your son doesn’t need to meet him at all.

Ohwhatfuckeryitistoride · 11/02/2025 02:01

It is a bit soon to be bringing someone new into the family, but I also wonder why he’s speaking like that? Was it an acrimonious breakup that traumatised him? If not you need to be gently pushing back on this (I agree it may be Dad driven) and that at some point in the future you may wish to meet someone. Saying that, by what you said you separated just over a year ago but have been seeing new guy for 10 months? So you’d been split for just over two months? That’s a quick turnaround. Like a pp said, there’s no rush.

Snorlaxo · 11/02/2025 02:11

First step is to tell him that you’re dating. As he’s not keen on the idea he needs time for it to sink in and see that it doesn’t affect his life at home because you’re still around etc.

You need a gentle talk that you don’t interfere with his friends and relationships so he needs to accept yours. It’s clearly too soon for an introduction but getting him used to the fact that you’re dating is reasonable.

See where you are in a few months. Hopefully he will accept yours dating but keeping yeh relationship out of the house when he is there as a first step. If you force a meeting or even bigger an outing, then you risk your relationship with your son. Expecting him to meet a boyfriend who he didn’t know about is a massive step and if you go ahead without his approval then you risk ruining your relationship with your bf too.

juststrutting · 11/02/2025 02:21

Wait.

I am in a similar position and have already discussed with my new relationship that I don't want to go public for at least 2 years. I live in a small village and once someone knows, everyone knows... so am being extra careful currently.

Plus, it is really nice to take our time! We are committed to each other and not seeing anyone else, so why rush it?

Original poster
Darklava09 · 11/02/2025 07:45

BaMamma · 11/02/2025 00:45

He's 13 and he's complaining about you putting your own happiness first? My first thought is that he's being coached by his Dad, that's just not the way 13 yo boys talk.

I also asked him where he heard that from as it was very adult spoken but equally I also know he’s mature in some senses.

OP posts:
Original poster
Darklava09 · 11/02/2025 07:48

I can see him when he’s with his dad but just makes things difficult on occasions.

we want to take the next step and introduce my kids to him and his kids to me as we are commited to a long lasting future together but equally want to get it right also.

also; I am aware the general mumsnet consensus is to stay single until your children reach 16!

OP posts:
CarobyBlobs · 11/02/2025 07:48

You’d only been separated for 3 months before you started dating this man? Is that right?

I might tell your son that you are dating someone but I wouldn’t expect your son to meet him any time soon. What’s the rush?

Snugglemonkey · 11/02/2025 08:10

I wouldn't consider someone I was dating for 10 months and not living with a partner. I definitely would not be considering introducing someone to my child when he is obviously not over the split. "Well over a year" might seem like a ling time to you, but he is grieving the loss of his family. A year is nothing in terms of grief.

Please don't rub his nose in it by introducing your boyfriend.

Leavesandacorns · 11/02/2025 08:14

It's too soon. You split from his dad less than two years ago and he's clearly not ready to meet a new partner yet (and at 10 months, this is still a new relationship that may or may not last long term).

You do deserve happiness but your child's welfare comes first. Give him time and don't force a meeting.

MILLYmo0se · 11/02/2025 08:15

He isn't a partner, he's a man you ve been dating for ten months, why are you rushing into making this more than it is? At most he's a boyfriend.
Your 13 Yr old does not need to meet a man you've know for barely ten months, particularly when he is still coping with the fact his parents seperated a year ago and when he is so resistant to you moving on so quickly
Date away but leave your child out of it for the time being

ThejoyofNC · 11/02/2025 08:18

You are completely ignoring his wishes. He obviously doesn't want to meet your boyfriend so why do you want to force that? Nobody gains anything at all from that situation.

He's a 13 year old child whose family was torn apart only a year ago. You need to keep your relationship private and prioritise your son. If that makes things difficult for you then so be it. You can't upset him even more just for your own convenience.

SchoolDilemma17 · 11/02/2025 08:20

10 months and you already want to blend families?! Yes you are putting yourself first.
Do you really have to move on that quick? Can’t you just date without introducing them? Your son already told you he is not keen.

from someone who had to live with a stepdad who I basically didn’t know from age 13.

BrassyPalm · 11/02/2025 08:26

Darklava09 · 11/02/2025 07:48

I can see him when he’s with his dad but just makes things difficult on occasions.

we want to take the next step and introduce my kids to him and his kids to me as we are commited to a long lasting future together but equally want to get it right also.

also; I am aware the general mumsnet consensus is to stay single until your children reach 16!

Ffs OP. You don’t have to stay single. But you don’t need to introduce them straight away. You separated a year ago - which you say in your OP - that’s very soon for your children.

I happily dated but no one met my kids. I’ve been with the same person for ages but he didn’t meet my kids for a long time and he was told very clearly that he wouldn’t be staying over and I wouldn’t be moving him in or moving in with him until my kids were a lot older. Young children and teenagers go through enough emotional upheaval as it is. There’s no need to throw our personal partners down their throats.

DoodleDig · 11/02/2025 08:26

In the space of a year your DS has seen his parents split up, had different living arrangements to get used to, plus the knowledge that his mum is in a new relationship and this could pull the rug from under him in any manner of ways, all while trying to navigate his teenage life.
There is no particular need for you and your new partner to split up, but yes, being a parent means putting your child's needs first. Give your DS a sense of security for as long as it takes, even if it's a few years. His sense of security is more important than your and your partner's desire to announce your relationship.

crackofdoom · 11/02/2025 08:32

SchoolDilemma17 · 11/02/2025 08:20

10 months and you already want to blend families?! Yes you are putting yourself first.
Do you really have to move on that quick? Can’t you just date without introducing them? Your son already told you he is not keen.

from someone who had to live with a stepdad who I basically didn’t know from age 13.

Hang on, introducing a new boyfriend to your child is hardly "blending families", is it?! Mumsnet always seems to jump to the conclusion that if there's a new boyfriend on the scene things are inevitably going to progress to him moving in and playing happy families, and I can't see why. Many single mums (me included) are more than happy to have a boyfriend who lives elsewhere!

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 08:33

How many children do you have?
how many does he have? And ages?

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 08:35

Interesting
Last week you started a thread and said you’d split from your ex 10 months ago

oh and your thread is about how upset you are that your ex is on dating sites

poor kids

SchoolDilemma17 · 11/02/2025 08:38

crackofdoom · 11/02/2025 08:32

Hang on, introducing a new boyfriend to your child is hardly "blending families", is it?! Mumsnet always seems to jump to the conclusion that if there's a new boyfriend on the scene things are inevitably going to progress to him moving in and playing happy families, and I can't see why. Many single mums (me included) are more than happy to have a boyfriend who lives elsewhere!

Show quote history

She said

“we want to take the next step and introduce my kids to him and his kids to me as we are commited to a long lasting future together but equally want to get it right also.”

Original poster
Darklava09 · 11/02/2025 09:04

Bestthriller · 11/02/2025 08:35

Interesting
Last week you started a thread and said you’d split from your ex 10 months ago

oh and your thread is about how upset you are that your ex is on dating sites

poor kids

I mean if you actually read the thread it says a year ago because I’ve gone and checked 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
Darklava09 · 11/02/2025 09:06

BrassyPalm · 11/02/2025 08:26

Ffs OP. You don’t have to stay single. But you don’t need to introduce them straight away. You separated a year ago - which you say in your OP - that’s very soon for your children.

I happily dated but no one met my kids. I’ve been with the same person for ages but he didn’t meet my kids for a long time and he was told very clearly that he wouldn’t be staying over and I wouldn’t be moving him in or moving in with him until my kids were a lot older. Young children and teenagers go through enough emotional upheaval as it is. There’s no need to throw our personal partners down their throats.

Show quote history

Who said I’m moving in him? Or having him stay over when my kids are there?

im happy to live in my own home for a long time yet and he the same.

we was just wanting to take next steps so you know we can actually go out all together sometimes with the kids and do things together as opposed to separately

OP posts:
Original poster
Darklava09 · 11/02/2025 09:08

MILLYmo0se · 11/02/2025 08:15

He isn't a partner, he's a man you ve been dating for ten months, why are you rushing into making this more than it is? At most he's a boyfriend.
Your 13 Yr old does not need to meet a man you've know for barely ten months, particularly when he is still coping with the fact his parents seperated a year ago and when he is so resistant to you moving on so quickly
Date away but leave your child out of it for the time being

I mean wording about partner, boyfriend is irrelevant.

I’ve known the guy almost 4 years so I do “know” him way more than just for 10 months.

OP posts: