To offer a school mum a lift..

[Paul2023]

So my DS ( 5) goes to reception. I work shifts so sometimes do the school pick up drop off.
Lately I’ve been on annual leave quite a bit so done quite a few of the school runs, atleast over the last few weeks. I’m married with two DC.
Anyway , there’s a little boy in my DS class who at pick up normally comes and sits next to DS on a little picnic bench. There’s a ten minute gap between his finishing time and my DD ( she’s 9). They usually have a snack whilst we wait for the older children to come out.
The little boys mum always seems to do all the school runs, atleast I’ve never seen anyone else do it.We are friendly ( ish) , but only ever have small talk, I don’t even know her name. But the children are friendly with eachother.
So I barley know her but she seems pleasant enough.

She gets the bus to and from school, I often see her at the bus stop at the end of the day with her kids. This morning whilst driving to school , I saw her at the bus stop going to school , so I know what road she must live near.

I know she gets the bus home after doing the school run, again I often see her waiting for a bus. Would it be creepy to offer her a lift if I see her ? I mean if she’s obviously waiting for a us , to and from school, and I drive down her road anyway? It’s literally 3 mins in a car but about 10 or 15 on the bus.

I wouldn’t offer her a lift when she’s got her children , apart form anything, I wouldn’t have room. I simply mean if I see her at the bus stop and and going her way anyway . And right now it’s winter and cold.

So would she think I’m a creepy dad with an ulterior motive if I offered her a lift ? She would probably wonder how I know where she gets off ( again I randomly saw her this morning on my way to school)

Would my wife think it’s weird offering to drop a school mum off? I haven’t mentioned this to my wife for her opinion by the way.

So ladies form your perspective would in be odd to you if a school dad offered you a lift ? Would you think he was being over friendly? It just a bit creepy?

Or just a dad genuinely going your way anyway and just offering to be nice?..Would it be appropriate?

I don’t want her to feel awkward, and it’s not a permanent thing, just only if I happen to be there..but like I say will she think I’m after something?

Ask your wife.
There’s no harm asking if she would like a lift. She can always decline, she may like the walk, or might say lovely if it’s raining, I’ll take you up on that offer.

@mynameiscalypso because it's weird asking a forum (of largely women) whether it's ok to ask an unknown woman for a lift, and not actually having asked your own wife. The OP is asking for opinions on what women would think in this scenario, so I'm suggesting he asks the one woman he presumably loves and trusts the opinion of more than any other? Seems strange to me he didn't start there 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Yeah you’re right I should do ! I just wanted outsiders opinions. It’s something quite innocent, I just didn’t want offer and make her feel awkward about it afterwards.

So bit of an an update. This morning at school drop off we exchanged hellos, she asked how my parents evening was, some general chat.
On the way to do school pick up, I did actually see her again , she was in her way to the bust stop, I didn’t stop I just carried on.
At the school gates, at pick up, a bit later we talked a bit more, again just general stuff and I asked her name. She talked a bit about how she went to that school herself and how she was learning to drive , but her ex sold her car when they broke up.
I didn’t ask any personal questions, other than her name and basic questions that adults would ask each other.

Whilst mentioning this to a male friend today, he said “steer clear of this woman this is how feelings can develop and ruins marriages! Especially how’s she’s single..

God, can’t two people be friendly with each other from the opposite sex? I think she’s a nice person , her kids seem polite, which also says alot about a person in my opinion.

I like her as a person , from what I know of her , can’t people have a friendship without people being suspicious?

For God SAKE it's 2025 why do people think like this.

So her telling you her name is basically an invite to her bed?!

I don't get it. I don't get how people still think like this.

Would you not ask your wife's opinion first before seeking the opinions of anonymous strangers on mumsnet?

Today I did mention this to my DW, she didn’t have a problem with it.
Regarding what my friend said today , he said be careful things don’t escalate, and neither of you misconstrue or develop feelings , as things can go that way. He’s referring to man and a woman getting close at the school gates! Then said steer clear !
Im hardly crossing boundaries!

Men and women can co exist without feeling the need to rip each other's clothes off. Shocking news I know.

Your friend is a dinosaur. I would just totally ignore his comments on it.

Glad your DW has no issue with it. Neither would i. It's jsut a decent human being nice and trying to help out another human. Noone needs to get naked.

Offer her a lift.
Let everyone else think what they want.

Yeah, nothing so suggestive as standing at a bus stop. Except maybe telling someone your name in the playground. Filth! Suggestiveness!

It's really thoughtful of you op, but we have to remember that this is a grown woman. You don't really know her, and your dcs chat sometimes.
I would essentially say you're strangers. I don't drive, and walk everywhere. If one of the dads I hadn't spoken to much asked me if I wanted a lift, I'd thank them and decline. I'm independent and like to do my own thing, I've declined lifts off people I know before (apart from one friend who was quite forceful) because she knows what I'm like!

In this situation though I would think it was a little OTT, and then wonder why they're asking, not exactly hiking the himalayas is it? 😂

I asked her if she drives, she said no, hence why she gets the bus.

My fiends point was she might think I like her , she might feel the same so it’s best to keep a big boundary..

Im not suggesting she fancies me, maybe she does secretly, I’ve no idea but I like her as a person and our kids are friends..

“steer clear of this woman this is how feelings can develop and ruins marriages! Especially how’s she’s single..

I hate this bullshit of oh she's single so that means she's going to automatically steal the first husband she sees. Can't be having a single woman happily just existing with male friends!

This just gets my back up it really does...

Just offer her a lift. If she starts taking her clothes off in the car then let her down gently.

Indeed yes !

Totally inappropriate and what even makes you think she needs a lift, she has a routine that works for her, let her get on with it.

I've been the single mum who waits at the bus stop.
I honestly don't know if I'd accept a lift or not, I'd certainly appreciate the gesture and want to, but, because of my experiences with other men, who's intentions have not been as kind as yours (ie/ nothing to do with you or how you present) I'd probably have refused I think. It's awful to feel like you're tarring all men with the same brush, I don't like it, but unless I knew you quite well, I would probably say no.

As well as that I'd have the thought in the back of my mind that other people (other parents at school, your wife) would have 'that' attitude towards single women that your friend has, and I'd be bringing a whole lot of trouble my way by accepting a perfectly innocent offer from a decent person, with neither of us having any intentions beyond offering/accepting a lift. Unfortunately as @AlexisP90 says, the single woman 'stealing' husbands rhetoric is alive and well, I've experienced it more than once over the years, mainly from other women, who are convinced that me being single means I'm going to try it on with any male in a 20 mile vicinity.

I guess I'm just saying offer, because she might see the situation completely different to me, or feel completely comfortable because you've struck up a friendship, but don't be offended if she says no, it may very well have nothing to do with you per se, but past experiences of her own.

Would your wife offer her a lift when she is doing the school run? If so this makes it a little less open to be misunderstood, you are both being friendly and helpful with no other agenda.

Nah, leave her to it 🚌

Well actually today, I did offer her a lift. So I actually for got my kids school bags this morning after whilst doing the school run.

She was going to a school assembly straight from school. After me dropping the school bags off at the office , school mum was waiting at a bus stop alone. I acknowledged her and offered a lift ( she told me where she lives yesterday and her name ) so we’re not complete strangers. I genuinely offered her a lift because she was there and so was I.

In the car there was no awkward silence , just general chit chat. I’m now over thinking did she accept just to be polite , and will she think I’m trying something with her ? Maybe she accepted because she didn’t want to be rude? I don’t want to come across as some creepy middle aged dad.

I know she’s a grown woman and perfectly capable of getting a bus on her own, but circumstances just meant I was there at that time.

@Paul2023 I don’t understand all of the over-thinking in your update. You seem a bit over-invested. Maybe you should think about why it’s triggering all of this over-thinking. It’s kind to offer a lift and want to help someone and I’m glad it’s worked out well, but the over-thinking questions in your mind does indicate that maybe deep down you have different motivations. I bet if it was another school dad you wouldn’t be over-thinking like this, and that could just as easily be misconstrued!

Imho no good deed goes unpunished, she will probably expect it all the time then.

Im generally an over thinker with everything! Yeah if it was a school dad I knew I’d have offered too.

But would you have done all of this over-thinking if it was a dad?

It would make me feel uncomfortable personally. I’m quite independent and happy to sort myself out. It isn’t so much because you are a man, but I just wouldn’t like it.

That said, I’m friends with some of dc’s friends dads (as in I have their numbers, we see each other out socially, etc), and that’s one thing maybe because I know them and their partners, have been to their homes. But I wouldn’t get in the car with some random guy from the school run who I didn’t know as well as the dads above.

It's all good until the children have a falling out. At 5 they are friends with everyone but over time they decide who they like and don't like

Don't get in with this other parent by giving her lifts as it could become very awkward in the future.