To offer a school mum a lift..

[Paul2023]

So my DS ( 5) goes to reception. I work shifts so sometimes do the school pick up drop off.
Lately I’ve been on annual leave quite a bit so done quite a few of the school runs, atleast over the last few weeks. I’m married with two DC.
Anyway , there’s a little boy in my DS class who at pick up normally comes and sits next to DS on a little picnic bench. There’s a ten minute gap between his finishing time and my DD ( she’s 9). They usually have a snack whilst we wait for the older children to come out.
The little boys mum always seems to do all the school runs, atleast I’ve never seen anyone else do it.We are friendly ( ish) , but only ever have small talk, I don’t even know her name. But the children are friendly with eachother.
So I barley know her but she seems pleasant enough.

She gets the bus to and from school, I often see her at the bus stop at the end of the day with her kids. This morning whilst driving to school , I saw her at the bus stop going to school , so I know what road she must live near.

I know she gets the bus home after doing the school run, again I often see her waiting for a bus. Would it be creepy to offer her a lift if I see her ? I mean if she’s obviously waiting for a us , to and from school, and I drive down her road anyway? It’s literally 3 mins in a car but about 10 or 15 on the bus.

I wouldn’t offer her a lift when she’s got her children , apart form anything, I wouldn’t have room. I simply mean if I see her at the bus stop and and going her way anyway . And right now it’s winter and cold.

So would she think I’m a creepy dad with an ulterior motive if I offered her a lift ? She would probably wonder how I know where she gets off ( again I randomly saw her this morning on my way to school)

Would my wife think it’s weird offering to drop a school mum off? I haven’t mentioned this to my wife for her opinion by the way.

So ladies form your perspective would in be odd to you if a school dad offered you a lift ? Would you think he was being over friendly? It just a bit creepy?

Or just a dad genuinely going your way anyway and just offering to be nice?..Would it be appropriate?

I don’t want her to feel awkward, and it’s not a permanent thing, just only if I happen to be there..but like I say will she think I’m after something?

Do you speak to this woman on the school run? Are her son and yours friends? It would definitely be weird to just randomly offer her a lift without having any chat beforehand.

I wouldn’t start something you wouldn’t want to continue. She’s doing fine without your help. Hard to know if she would think it’s creepy or what your wife would think.

I wouldn't mind if my dh gave a school mum a lift. I know them all! But maybe first introduce yourself so you know each other's names at least. Not creepy.

With my kids possibly ok if your kids were also there and it’s on the school run. Without kids and not on the school run the. probably not happy to get in the car with an unfamiliar man

There was a thread an exactly like this a couple of weeks ago. A dad saying “would I be creepy if I offered her a lift.” So… your he same poster?

Just offer the lift. Or offer to give do the school run with her kids so she doesn’t have to. Would they all fit in the car without her there? If they fit, I’d offer.

Small talk really our kids sit at a picnic bench and have a snack. Whilst we wait for our other children to come out , ten minutes later.
We just generally talk about the kids, nothing much more than that. They are in the same reception class.
As for her name , I’ve no idea- wouldn’t it seem odd if I asked her name ?! Would she wonder why I’m asking ?

I don’t randomly offer women lifts at bus stops , but last few weeks just got chatting.As I said it’s just talking about the kids and very much small talk.

I'm Paul BTW. And she'll say, Oh, I'm Sue. No big deal.

Everyone is different.
I say yes and be greatful. I'd possibly also of noticed your car and have seen it drive past me while at the the stop so wouldn't think it creepy. Especially if you offered to drop me at the bus.

Other humans however 🤔 hard to say.

As for the name you just say - hi, I realised I don't know your name mine is....

I thought it would be fine, until I saw you are a man. I think it could potentially be awkward and things could end up misconstrued.
Also some women might find it a bit patronising.
Saying that my DH has had lifts from school mums occasionally, so I’m being a bit hypocritical really!

I did wonder that. I just genuinely go her way , but I don’t always do the school run. So probably best to not to, incase things are misconstrued?..

BTW - I couldn’t take her and her children and mine, there’s not enough room and I don’t have enough child seats anyway.

I think it's fine. I'd have no problem accepting if one of the dads at my son's school offered me a lift, especially if the weather was bad. If she doesn't want to accept, that's fine too.

If you could only give her a lift when she is on her own I think there is definitely potential for it to be misconstrued. It would be different if it was her children too.

Ok thanks for the replies

Oh it’s a shame I couldn’t edit the above post! Anyway, just to add, I wasn’t thinking of asking her if she wanted a lift on her own in an organised kind of way.
More like if I saw her at the bus stop waiting and I happened to be there at the time.
I think the general feeling on here though ( by you ladies) is that it could make her feel awkward or even mistake it for something else. Perhaps because I am a school dad she doesn’t really know.
Or secondly, she might think why’s a married school dad trying to offer me a lift? IYSWIM.

I actually think it's really nice. If you drive past and see her at the bus stop you could just stop and say hey! Going to pick the kids up? Want a lift? It's freezing out today.

What's wrong with that? As a ad hoc thing I think it's lovely

Sorry OP, but you lost me at "I haven't asked the opinion of my wife".

I suggest you start there

Omg Its so sad to have to Think like that! If you know, deep down that you have zero ulterior motive, then offer her a lift! People should be nice and kind and never mind what others think. If a school dad offered me a lift and I didn’t feel any weird vibe, I’d happily accept! This is not medieval times, people, a woman and and a man can be together in an enclosed space without anything dodgy going on.

the only reason I may hesitate to accept or offer, is that if it becomes annoying or an expectation on her behalf, it may be tricky to stop offering.

Yeah I’d do that too! Although I’m pretty sure DH wouldn’t ask me about something like that and neither would I expect him to and I wouldn’t find it weird if I knew he was offering lifts to another school mum unless she happened to be single and the hottest mum at school

Sorry I just see no issue with the fact you're a man. Men and women can co exist without trying to rip each others clothes off. ..

If DH asked me this question I would say why the fuck you leaving her at a bus stop?! Offer the women a lift

DH frequently offers DS’s friends’ mothers lifts. But obviously we all know one another. We can’t predict whether this woman is likely to be pleased to be offered a lift or to feel uncomfortable.

If it’s raining then yes

Why? I wouldn't expect my DH to ask my permission to do this, just like I wouldn't ask his if the situation was reversed (or if one of the dads was giving my a lift somewhere).

Little off topic but I work with female offenders, so talking to women, taking/ driving them to places , generally having conversations is something I do as a job.

The school mum doesn’t know what do , I’ve never said as it’s never come up in conversation. I also have no idea if she’s single or not , I’ve only ever seen her do school pick ups/ drop offs.

I’m not an extrovert, quite the opposite but as I said up post , I work with lots of vulnerable women. Most female offenders have come from bad backgrounds..Anyway I digress ..

She doesn’t seem to be in any school mum click as such , she just seems to keep herslef to herself. Hence why we make a bit of small talk after school. I guess I should atleast just ask her name next time ,just in conversation maybe. Especially as our kids are kind of friends..

I assume if she got creep vibes from me she’d give me a wide berth after school..

To be honest it's not something I'd appreciate as a mum and I wouldn't like DH doing it either.

I'd find it a bit unnecessary tbh, a 10 min bus ride is nothing, and pretty easy as a woman on my own, so it's not as if you'd be saving me much inconvenience (compared to a bus journey with a child in tow, but you can't help out with that due to capacity). And offering me the lift would make me feel awkward, as I would turn you down but then feel anxious that I might have offended you. I'd rather have the 10 mins on my own on a bus than have to make small talk in a car, where silence would feel awkward. So I would actually prefer not to be offered in the first place.

I would feel the same about an offer from a mum too, but a bit more suspicious of an offer from a dad - I've had too many encounters with men finding a convenient way to bump into me/help me out (not necessarily in a creepy way, but in a way I'd rather not encourage unless I was interested in getting to know them).