Baby Led Parenting

[Rhubarb]

Yup. The baby is the boss and they will tell you what to do. You feed them when they cry, they'll sleep when they want, do what they want when they want to do it. If you want to experience true, pure and natural parenting then this is what you do.

No mention of the African tribes who tie crying babies to trees to discourage them from crying and giving their location away to enemy tribes. No mention of feeding on demand in Ethopia because you don't have enough milk to sustain a baby for 4 hourly feeds. No mention of carrying the baby on you at all times because there are no prams and therefore not a lot else to do. Noooooo, these third world mothers really know how to bring up baby naturally and that is the way forward!

It's all bollocks isn't it?

Sorry to disappoint you Aitch. Although I fail to see where and how I've attacked anyone. I've stated an opinion on various things, that much is true, and when asked to provide links on natural parenting and where African tribes are mentioned, I have done this. I have addressed questions and been quite polite. But as I obviously have differing opinions from yourself I am not worthy of your presence on my thread.

Oh well! Oh and I think you'll find that I've had to justify why I even started the thread by yourself and Awen, so if you feel put out that you've had to justify your contributions then I'm very sorry. It kinda sucks when people do that, huh?

Thanks to others for their thoughtful posts. Welliemum, actually on the thread I took that quote from I did say much the same as you are saying now. Only since I started a website on pnd and become a regular on Mumsnet, I have begun to notice more and more parenting methods being touted, almost anyone these days thinks themselves suitably qualified to write a book on parenting and how to lose weight after pregnancy. I only really knew of Gina Ford, but now I can rattle off loads of names because they're on the TV, the radio, they have their own articles, they've brought out sequels to their first parenting books etc etc. And I do feel the market is over-saturated with this muck and the media too critical of parents in general.

Like you say, normally common sense would kick in and you would take a little advice from each, but in cases like susanmt's that's not feasible due to the depression being all consuming. And I've been there, I had ante-natal depression and I believed everything I was told, including the voices in my head!

I don't think that many of these parenting guides are realistic at all, especially the baby-led ones. For some they are a Godsend I'm sure, but others tell a different tale and we have to look at the bigger picture.

Contributing factor though Tink. Along with many others. It contributed to her depression. Which is what I said parenting books can do, note only can.

oh LOLOL, you are priceless, rhubarb, truly.

Would you care to elaborate on that, or are you just going to be rude?

Thought you were off anyway?

A perfectly balanced parenting book that combines
the Best of Lentil with the most enlightened routine advice -
now there is a niche in the market.

It's a tricky undertaking as it would require the author(s) to put
aside her/his/their prejudices and simply focus on what works for the whole family,
without being too vague and noncommittal.

Well, maybe the forthcoming Mumsnet books will fill that niche.

If I came onto one of your threads and behaved the way you did, you'd be right to be very rude to me indeed. Yet I think I have been very patient with you Aitch. You obviously seek to undermine me, for whatever reason, perhaps we have clashed in the past? I wouldn't know I don't keep a track. But if you do not like my thread, may I make a simple request that you use your energies for threads that are more worthy of your contributions and leave mine alone for my little rantings. I'd be much obliged to you.

Rhubarb you can see how some of the books are useful and helpful to some of the people. And some of the books are making some of the people who are depressed feel worse.

So, what do you suggest? What could be done? What's it all about?

me? rude? i'm amused by what you wrote. unless you were being nasty to me with all that 'not worthy' crap? i'd blithely assumed you were joking.

and i'm off, but i may come back if you make me lol again, you never know...

True DaddyJ! Yet I do think the Mumsnet books might just answer that as you do get a whole load of differing opinions and points of view. You don't just get one set of parenting ideas. And you can take comfort from the fact that others have struggled too, which is something the parenting books don't seem to mention much unless it's to criticise parents for not getting it right sooner.

gosh, does this mean that everything posted since 11pm last night was a big old waste of time?

"By AitchTwoCiao on Tue 06-May-08 22:58:52
anyway, hasn't MN got a book coming out? i'm quite sure it'll cover all the bases for first-timers. "

Bye then Aitch! Thanks again for your valuable contributions!

Boco. I'd say that the market was over-saturated. Is there any need for all these sequels such as CLBB2? And how do new mum celebrities get publishing rights? The media itself needs to look at how they portray parents and some of these mothers who have articles need to get out of their own arses, really though!

I don't know what the answer is. But everytime I hear of a "new" parenting method I do cringe inwardly. Do we not have more than enough?

"Contributing factor though Tink."

"It exacerbated the depression I was already suffering"

That's not the meaning of exacerbated.

Bless, you just can't keep away can you Aitch! Something must interest you on here then!

LOL again.

exacerbated means made worse, exaggerated. But she does say "but I do feel I could have avoided hospital and seperation from my baby (until a place came up in a mother and baby unit) if I had not become so dramatically depressed following the use of these routines" and she also says that she was in a support group with other mothers who had their depression made worse by books like this.

Therefore I think you could safely say, that in her case the book contributed to her depression in that it made it worse and tipped her over the edge. Yes, something else could have done the same, but in this specific case it was the book.

If she had not already been depressed the book would have been thrown straight out the window. It was only because she was already ill that it had an effect on her.

Sorry, Aitch, I have tried to read all the posts on this thread
but I did miss that little gem among all the kryptic vitriol.

Of course, the danger with a book that tries to cover all the bases is
that it starts contradicting itself.

True. But then many first time mums who experience depression turn to books for help. So are they not targeting vulnerable mums, in a way?

Apologies to Aitch as I missed that one too. Valid point made about the Mumsnet book.

Excuse me! Stop generalising!

I am a first time Mum with PND and I know many others who wouldn't turn to books. I also know first/ subsequent time mum's who read the books without PND.

Oh Tink! It's almost impossible not to generalise when talking about life! Ok then, do you not think that mothers who have pnd might be more inclined to turn to books for help? Especially those who do not have supportive families or other outside agencies? Surely the reason you buy these books is because you might not have anyone else to turn to for advice, so you are seeking a manual that will make everything right?

But really, I don't think I'm being totally naive in thinking that some of these books are actually intended to help, to make things easier, to give support.

Some not, some are crap.

But you make it sound like vicious media savvy corrupt gurus praying on the vulnerable and I don't see it like that. Some people need support and get it from reading books by people with a similar ideology to themselves and they find it helps.

I do agree that a gina style one when you're going against your instincts is a surefire way to get downhearted. But that's a lot of people throw that one out of the window.

Not all people who write books on parenting are just preying on the vulnerable.

You have to position yourself and then find a way that fits in with what you believe. It's possible to do that and be unscathed.

A book that covers every conceivable angle would be overwhelming and nonsensical.

Fair enough Boco. But I do think that those books that do offer good advice are now overshadowed by the vast, and I mean vast, choice of parenting manuals now for sale by people who simply want to make a fast buck (not mentioning Myleen Klass again). Type 'parenting books' in Amazon and you'll see what I mean. This is what I was trying to say when I said that the market had become over saturated. If there are any helpful books out there, they are lost in the pile. The Mumsnet book will become just another parenting book in a pile of thousands.

Sorry, but I don't agree with you. I think it varies as much from mother to mother with PND as without.

I have found myself very AP (as someone else said you just realise one day there is a name for what you do) and it's been in the face of my family, I don't have any parent friends and my HV never spoke about her opinions until I did anything.

Well I guess we'll have to agree to differ on that one. My experiences and the experiences of those I have spoken to are different. But it just goes to show that we need to be aware of everyone's needs.

Thanks for sharing your opinions with me