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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

Am I being neglectful to expect the dc to sort themselves out after school?

149 replies

silentmadge · 30/04/2008 12:54

I think not but a friend of mine has expressed horror

In September my youngest will be almost 5, and at school full time. I also have a 7 and 10 year old at the same primary, and a 12 and 15 year old at secondary. I was fully intending to let the 15 year old collect the little ones from school, walk everyone home, and keep an eye on things til around 5pm when I get home. However my friend reckons the primary won't even release the 5 year old into the care of a 15 year old (I'm sure this is rubbish!) and may get social services involved.

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Libra · 30/04/2008 12:55

Your timings may be a big problem here. DS1's secondary school releases him a whole hour after DS2's primary school.

Ledodgy · 30/04/2008 12:56

Putting a 15 year old in charge of 4 children for an hour or so is a very big burden to put on him or her imo.

expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 12:56

15 is well old enough!

i think it's grand for older siblings to help out.

i think it makes them closer in the long run.

certainly did for my dad and his siblings.

and my mum and hers.

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moondog · 30/04/2008 12:57

Sounds just fine to me (as long as yuo get the timing sorted.)

scattyspice · 30/04/2008 12:59

I like a 15yo to have to look after my nearly 5 yo after school, especially walking home, crossing roads etc (but your 5 yo may be an angel).

Having said that when i was 17 i used to mind a 6 and 9 yo after school.

expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 13:00

when i was 15 my after school job was to babysit a 7, 2-year-old and 5-month-old baby for the nextdoor neighbours till they got home from work.

i actually enjoyed it!

tiredlady · 30/04/2008 13:00

I think a 15 yo looking after one child for an hour is ok as an occasional thing, but 4 of them every day and one of them still being really young? Sorry, I don't feel that's appropriate, and actually in my team at work there would definately be a discussion about a referral to social services too

nettie · 30/04/2008 13:03

Your friend might be right about the school bit. Our school will not release foundation stage children to under 16's. Would check with your school if I were you.

muggglewump · 30/04/2008 13:07

It sounds fine to me. It'll only really be the youngest two who need watching and it's only for an hour.
So long as all the DC are happy then go for it

Original poster

silentmadge · 30/04/2008 13:07

Timings luckily just about work out! Secondary school lets out at 3.10 and the Primary at 3.30, the walk between them should be 10-15 minutes, so as long as there's not too much dawdling that should be fine. My 15yo is really very sensible, and the 10 and 12 yos take care of themselves really, so I have no worries about her managing.

By the time they get home it will be coming up to 4pm, so it'll really only be an hour then until I can get back - I'm just soooo looking forward to the end of after school childcare arrangements!

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expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 13:09

i don't find an hour a big deal at all.

i looked after those three boys for about 2 and a half hours a day.

their mum had everything ready to go.

just had to give them their snacks and have a bit of playtime.

the 7-year-old helped out, too.

helping out your family is good! very, very good!

Original poster

silentmadge · 30/04/2008 13:10

tiredlady - honestly, you'd refer to social services?

When I was 15 I was looking after my primary school age cousins all day in school holidays and we were fine! Really, I think the way we treat children as completely incompetent these days is ridiculous. What could social services do about it?

I will check with the school about releasing the little ones to an under-16 though.

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expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 13:11

i couldn't agree more, silent!

we infantilise children, then wonder why they don't just turn into responsible adults the day they turn 18.

muggglewump · 30/04/2008 13:14

That's exactly the problem Expat, we don't let our kids grow into adults, we just (as a society, not everyone obviously) expect them to turn into them and behave accordinngly overnight and that is worrying

FAQ · 30/04/2008 13:16

I don't think it's neglectful either. So long as they let the 15yr do the pickup.....

Original poster

silentmadge · 30/04/2008 13:16

If I'm honest I often don't see the children for more than an hour at a time in the summer holidays I do think it's important for kids to have the opportunity to play and explore without adult interference sometimes though.

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Dropdeadfred · 30/04/2008 13:17

so your eldest child is now never allowed a life after school and instead of doing homework/revision will be looking after its siblings?

Dropdeadfred · 30/04/2008 13:17

one or two nights a week perhaps, every night is mean imo

Original poster

silentmadge · 30/04/2008 13:18

I have seen older siblings in uniform picking up children from the primary school - though they may have been 16 year olds picking up juniors.

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expatinscotland · 30/04/2008 13:19

it's only an hour till silent gets home, DDF.

not evening.

ByTheSea · 30/04/2008 13:19

I think you'll be fine if your 15-year-old is sensible. My sister had a job looking after 3 under 7s when she was only 12 or 13 and she was fine, and I was babysitting young children at 12 or 13 as well. FWIW, I hope you're planning to pay your 15-year-old though.

FAQ · 30/04/2008 13:19

if the younger two are anything like my two they'll just veg out in front of the TV for the hour ........can't say that my 7 and 4yr old really need much supervision at that time of day......

muggglewump · 30/04/2008 13:20

Silentmadge, my 6yr old goes out to play and stays out for hours. OK so she's back every so often with other kids wanting snacks but she's not in the house with me.
I don't see a problem, she's happy and AFAIC, safe

Original poster

silentmadge · 30/04/2008 13:22

Dropdeadfred - she can do what she likes after 5pm. All of them will be confined to the house until I get home, so it's not just DD1 suffering. None of them will be doing after-school clubs either unfortunately, but life isn't perfect.

Sometimes children do have to make small sacrifices for their family - they're part of a unit, not just there to have their every whim indulged! I also think it does them good to have some responsibility.

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Original poster

silentmadge · 30/04/2008 13:24

I'm sure they'll all jump at the chance to get an hour of TV watching in before I come home and switch it off to be honest!

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