Am I being neglectful to expect the dc to sort themselves out after school?

[silentmadge]

I think not but a friend of mine has expressed horror

In September my youngest will be almost 5, and at school full time. I also have a 7 and 10 year old at the same primary, and a 12 and 15 year old at secondary. I was fully intending to let the 15 year old collect the little ones from school, walk everyone home, and keep an eye on things til around 5pm when I get home. However my friend reckons the primary won't even release the 5 year old into the care of a 15 year old (I'm sure this is rubbish!) and may get social services involved.

Eponine - clearly not a national rule, as dd2's school quite happy to send her home with dd1.

I think it would be fine, and I do think that every member of a family has a responsibility to other members of the family and they should all help each other out.

I remember changing nappies when I was 6, helping loads around the ouse, and from 13 regularly looking after my siblings, to help my ;larents. They did so much for my siblings and I that I felt like I naturally wanted to help them in any way I could. Family deifnately comes first to me.

By 15 I was working full time in a holiday school where I was in charge of 14 3year olds for 4hrs a day! I did a very good job of it as well. It was abroad before anyone starts questioning

Fifteen-year-old should be able to cope. It's only for an hour. The older children should be fairly self-sufficient anyway. Presumably she can threaten them with calling you at work if there's any trouble and YOU GETTING VERY CROSS.

Some fifteen year olds are already parents.

my dad would say, 'good marks are for your own benefit! if you want to grow up and be a bum, be my guest. it gets old.'

I didn't have to look after my siblings after school, but I did have them every Saturday for about 4 hours whilst my parents did the food shop . I used to bitch about not getting to go out until the afternoon, but tbh I had it pretty easy. Life isn't perfect, sometimes individuals have to miss out if it benefits the family as a whole. I would agree though that your DD should have some kind of 'reward', even if it just acknowledges that you apppreciate her help (iirc teens need things to be quite obvious!)

My dd's aged 15 and 13 do housework. They clean their own rooms and they hoover, polish and clean wherever they are asked. They take responibility for their own bathroom. They put washing in and they dry and fold it. They wash up (or load dishwasher) after family meals and they cok their own meals ( with some supervision if necessary) quite often.

They both go down the road to the Post Office or supermrket if asked and will often ring me whilst out with their friends and ask if they should bring back milk/bread/anything else I might need.

They do help and they do many chores etc.

BUT - burnt dinner, broken eggs, forgotten milk or a shoddy job of washing up is the worst that could happen here. I don't want to think of the worst case scenario if they were leftas child minders.

Just the way our family works - I know it is different for a lot of people and when we had dd3 on the way I lost count of the amount of people who assume dout two eldest would be 'readymade babysitters' but no - they are also my children, with a right to their own childhood.

Ditto, expat. In a family, everyone helps out. If your teen is responsible, then of course she can help out with her little siblings. I remember looking after my little bro when he had an inset day from school aged 9 and I was 17 and had a free day from college. I loved that my parents trusted me with him (I took him out for lunch).
I'd reward her by letting her out a couple of evenings a week with her friends or something - a kind of if you can prove your responsibility with your siblings, then you're responsible enough to do whatever it is that teenagers do these days [feeling old emoticon].
It's only an hour and a half each afternoon. Surely the younger ones can entertain themselves while the eldest does some coursework???

Oh ok Agony. It's just that the schools I have worked in/my children have been to have had this rule.

phlossie - good idea about maybe extending her curfew as a "reward". There's nothing to stop her getting on with her coursework until 5.

Drpdeadfred - I don't think asking her to watch the others for an hour and half a day is depriving her of her childhood to be honest

at 13 I had to give up playing the cello (orchestra on Sat morning) in order to work in my parents business as finances demanded it. I could have been the next Jacqueline Du Pre

Finances impinge on my parenting choices all the time - I work therefore I use professional childcare. I might chose either a different form of childcare or indeed none at all if finances allowed it. For most ordinary people finances do impact on all your life choices including parenting.

Looking after a 5 yr old one hour a day is hardly robbing her of her youth by sending her to the salt mines.

Like I said before Silentmadge - you had already decided that you were not being unreasonable with your OP. Lots of people agree wth you - I don't, that's all.

I hope all goes well with your arangements

LOL.. my teenage DS thinks doing 3 - 4 hours washing up in a pub kitchen per Saturday is the "salt mines" equivalent and says he thanks his lucky stars he's too big to be rammed up chimneys!! Poor poor child; being expected to do this work so he can afford spending money for a foreign holiday he's going on this summer

The general feeling seems to be that I'm not a negligent mother anyway I'll definitely have to check if the primary school will release children to older siblings though.

If anyone else will reassure me that Social Services won't be knocking on my door that would be great though! I'd assume they have better things to do anyway.

what is your fall back plan should dd1 ever be ill?

Madge, I meant more like a drink being got for the 5yr old etc... not care-care iyswim.

I know DS (who is 5.5) just comes home, gets a drink given to him and watches telly or a dvd til teatime so I think your kids will be fine - especially with neighbours to call on in emergencies etc.

My friend had to look after her SEVEN siblings from the age of about 14/15...! (she was one of 10 - the older 2 were out later though)

I think the 15 year old is probably mature and responsible enough to look after children of that age for an hour.

However, I think it's a lot to ask a 15 year old to commit to that every day on a permanent basis.

So every now and then I'd say yes, but every day I think is a bit mean.

DS1 will have to cope by himself, and I'll have to try to offload the others onto friends after school. If all else fails I'll have to leave work early.

'What could social services do about it?'

I have no idea if they'd do anything - the 15 year old is still legally a child though.

My last post was in the case of dd1 being ill.

'I think as the eldest she does have some responsibility for looking after her younger siblings'

I totally disagree - she should not bear the responsibility of looking after siblings. A 15 year old is still a child and there are years ahead for their own responsibility.

Thanks Gobbledigook - thought I was alone for a while there.. (although some other postersearlier did say similar)

why is what she would do in the event of DSD1 being ill relevant - we all have back up plans for emergencies - but they're rarely practical permanently. I use my mother but she's far to old to cope with DS full time all the time or take the time off work but that has implications too either financially or reduced holiday time to take with the family.

I didn't say my work team WOULD have reported you to social services, but there definately would have been a discussion about the appropriateness of what you were doing(we have to deal with child protection issues all the time) I have no problem with older children doing chores and helping out in the home - it's positively good for them, but using them as a permanent after school child care arrangement is something quite different.

Tiredlady can you elaborate on the reasons why?

What if she leaves school at 16 and gets a job/goes to college? You would have to sort out after school care for the 2 younger ones anyway.

Or equally if she stays on she will have revision classes straight after school. Will you rethink things or not let her go to the classes?