4yo being silly - CPS called on us by school

[Junkemail]

Our life feels like it's been turned upside over a silly comment my reception aged child said to their teacher that her and my DH have been eating crayons out each others bottoms.

We've ended up with social services knocking on our doors and my DH is being investigated. It is absolute nonsense, she's 4 and says stupid things like this all the time about a variety of people. My DH is being investigated as sexually abusing her now. That's one issue and I'm hoping he's found innocent in their eyes as he's been kicked out the house by then.

But how do I handle comments like this moving forward so it doesn't happen again. She tells lies and imaginary stories that I know aren't true and this time it's ended up with us being in real trouble.

@Nannyoggapple do you have children?

I've worked with children.

I managed never to pat any of them on the bum.

My son used to come out with all sorts of random stuff, mostly telling everyone at nursery I locked him in cupboards 😂 what he meant was we had to stand and say abracadabra when he climbed into and jumped out the hoover cupboard, and sometimes he liked to pretend he was locked in jail...

The kissing on the lips is something my son and I have always done, ever since he was a baby! He still does now at 6, but I've never said oh you MUST kiss me or a relative, that'd be the difference.

Sticking things UP bottoms, inside bottoms. were mentioned in the OP.

Completely different to talking about nibbling bums! Bums are funny! "I'll bite yer bum!" I don't know how many more times people have to explain this.

Maybe some of the posters on here were molested as children during "fun and games" and that is why they are so cautious now.

You know how many pervs get a kick from kissing children on the lips? Do you know that's usually only the start. Then there are tickle games and bouncing on laps. Then groping when no one is looking. It's all fun and games to everyone else.

you have “worked” with children @Nannyoggapple

have you ever had children? bathed them? changed their underwear for them? slept with them?

Because you aren't thier parent and you have a professional, not personal relationship with them. I trust my children's teachers, they are fantastic, but I wouldn't want them kissing my DSs goodbye at the end of the school day, that is inappropriate.
Do you have children of your own?

OMG

i can’t believe you’re comparing children you have “worked with”

with parenting 😆

"if a man pats a woman on the bum, he can be charged with sexual assualt.
so its probably best to remember boundaries with childrens' bums too"- don't you see the difference between man patting a stranger woman ( not his wife or girlfriend) and playing with your own child? Don't you play with your children? Do you have children?

@HollyKnight

Because they can be deviant. That's the point. How would a teacher know if it's innocent or sinister?

Having worked in education for years I've heard hundreds of children say all sorts of bonkers things. The many schools I've worked in have thankfully taken a better approach to similar comments than going straight to informing social services and getting a father removed from his family pending investigation. Of course, there have also been comments that are part of a wider picture of concern and these have been dealt with swiftly and appropriately.

A picture can be built up that indicates a cause for concern and schools can still use deft and common sense before reporting a one off comment like this. I get it, we live in the post Baby P era and no one wants to miss a cause for concern, but there are ways of navigating these issues in a less blunt manner, running roughshod over a family and causing utter chaos.

That's why I'm quite shocked at this OP. Either there was more cause for concern than this one comment (about eating crayons out of someone's bum ffs), or this particular school is very heavy handed.

Some posters on here are naive in the extreme, pretending that they wouldn't be fussed about such a thing happening. If you've nothing to hide... Yes, I'm sure you would shrug it off no problem if it happened to you.

i think we know the answer to that

otherwise @Nannyoggapple wouldn’t keep repeating “i’ve worked with children”

Second everyone saying stop talking about nibbling her bum, that’s not normal at all. What’s the support plan about? Those don’t usually happen unless SS have discovered issues that need resolved and supported

If you did this, then you would be a perpetrator, because you would do that to children with whom you work. Don't you see the difference between parent-child relationship and childminder(teacher)-child relationship?

Raspberries are normal but you pretend to nibble her bum? Just why? Can you imagine if she starts trying to nibble the bum of other kids as way of being playful?

@Nannyoggapple

I've worked with children.

I managed never to pat any of them on the bum.

God almighty. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Do you have children of your own?

we’re all ears @Nannyoggapple

do you have children?

yes yes, we know you have “worked with children”

NO!

For starters, it wasn't an "accident'. The kid ran into mum's bum "on purpose".
And, no, there's no qualitative difference between running into mum's bum on purpose and pretending to bite a kid's bum. Because they are both innocent, silly fun.

FFS. I give up with you, nanny.

Omg my son comes up with such random stuff all the time.

He's often asks me if I like cheesy feet because I say let's put your cheesy feet away when putting his socks on.

But the other day I tell him to pull his pants up, and to stop playing with his willy or it'll get sore (he'd just got off the potty and he kept pulling the skin back) perfectly normal things to do before the old hand washing ect. H e turns to me and waggles himself asking if I liked willys 🤦

I do understand the need to investigate situations but kids are very random.

Usually with safe guarding teachers will listen and ask non leading questions to get more information. On OPs situation it may have been a random kid land slide into more random comments which has lead to the investigation.

Teachers may have said "Oh yeah tell me more about your game"

i think she’s scarpered following the question

are you a parent @Nannyoggapple

Kissing on the lips is an adult, sexual, romantic gesture imo.
I hate to see adults kissing children in this way. Forehead, cheeks-ok.
Lips - definitely not.

My kid runs into my bum alot and shouts BIFF, he likes Thomas the tank engine and the trains bump to each other and the narrator says Biff

Snogging is an adult, sexual act. Pecking on the lips is not, it's perfectly normal. It actually scares me the way other people's brains work.