Page 12 | 4yo being silly - CPS called on us by school

Junkemail · 2024-09-27T12:22:08+00:00

Our life feels like it's been turned upside over a silly comment my reception aged child said to their teacher that her and my DH have been eating crayons out each others bottoms. We've ended up with social services knocking on our doors and my DH is being investigated. It is absolute nonsense, she's 4 and says stupid things like this all the time about a variety of people. My DH is being investigated as sexually abusing her now. That's one issue and I'm hoping he's found innocent in their eyes as he's been kicked out the house by then. But how do I handle comments like this moving forward so it doesn't happen again. She tells lies and imaginary stories that I know aren't true and this time it's ended up with us being in real trouble.

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FTMaz · 27/09/2024 22:08

Junkemail · 27/09/2024 21:51

We have a friend who works in safeguarding too and their school have meetings with parents before escalating situations like this.

We've been put on a 45 day programme, my DD will be pulled out of class for 121 sessions with the social worker, and we will have a weekly home visits. So it's not closed yet. It's bonkers imo.

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It depends on the circumstance. I don’t work with younger years I work with secondary aged children so obviously the things they say are very different. In some circumstances I would meet with a parent in others I wouldn’t. When you say you’ve been out on a programme what does that mean? If they thought your DH has abused your child there wouldn’t be a programme it would be a prosecution so what exactly are you on a programme for?

Louise303 · 27/09/2024 22:11

viques · 27/09/2024 17:39

except that a very young child constantly masturbating and showing signs of sexual awareness is a marker for a child who is being sexually abused. The school was right to raise the issue when they noticed it, do you expect them to wait until the child is bleeding anally or vaginally?

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The school was right to look in to it my child used to be in mainstream school and my child did this. They had to call someone in from our local sen school that explained a lot of children with autism did it. My child is non verbal and eventually started the sen school that would give them something sensory to distract them when they did it. We were happy they questioned it especially as our little one could not answer questions.

RosesAndHellebores · 27/09/2024 22:11

I agree with@nannyoggapple

DH and I never kissed our children on the lips. We were never kissed on the lips by a relative and nor did a relative kiss our children on the lips.

It's peculiar in an inappropriate and rather vile and vulgar way. Notwithstanding the fact that it spreads germs.

DH and I happily air kiss both cheeks, sometimes a third time with our friends and acquaintances. On the lips. No. Never. Nobody except each other and former significant others but that was decades ago.

Original poster

Junkemail · 27/09/2024 22:12

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 22:08

It depends on the circumstance. I don’t work with younger years I work with secondary aged children so obviously the things they say are very different. In some circumstances I would meet with a parent in others I wouldn’t. When you say you’ve been out on a programme what does that mean? If they thought your DH has abused your child there wouldn’t be a programme it would be a prosecution so what exactly are you on a programme for?

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That's true, I know not all circumstances are the same.

The programme, I'm not sure entirely. Been told it's a parent and child safety programme for 45 days. I'm assuming that's not usual then? They don't have any other evidence of abuse so unless it's an opportunity to try discover more, or collect evidence there isn't any at all.

OP posts:

RosesAndHellebores · 27/09/2024 22:16

@Junkemail in all honesty, whilst I think you and your DH have been inappropriate and rather silly, in your shoes I'd be finding the best solicitor I could with experience in these cases and I'd want them to advocate for me with the authorities.

LetsPlayShadowlands · 27/09/2024 22:17

RosesAndHellebores · 27/09/2024 22:11

I agree with@nannyoggapple

DH and I never kissed our children on the lips. We were never kissed on the lips by a relative and nor did a relative kiss our children on the lips.

It's peculiar in an inappropriate and rather vile and vulgar way. Notwithstanding the fact that it spreads germs.

DH and I happily air kiss both cheeks, sometimes a third time with our friends and acquaintances. On the lips. No. Never. Nobody except each other and former significant others but that was decades ago.

Hilarious

Grmumpy · 27/09/2024 22:17

Your thread was rather worrying. My granddaughter recently said something very odd and with a sexual connotation to me. When I asked her where she heard it from she said a big boy she didn’t know in a pub. Like your daughter she is 4. I told her she must not say this anymore. When I spoke to my son about it he thought it was amusing. The boy was the 8 year old son of a family friend. I pointed out that if this was repeated at school it could cause a lot of misunderstanding. Schools need to be vigilant but also not to jump to conclusions. Recently she was also over enthusiastic with her rough play and when I told her to stop she carried on. My husband said he had seen an episode of Bluey with the same behaviour. Sorry this happened to you and your family op. Hope you can all try to put it behind you.

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 22:18

Junkemail · 27/09/2024 22:12

That's true, I know not all circumstances are the same.

The programme, I'm not sure entirely. Been told it's a parent and child safety programme for 45 days. I'm assuming that's not usual then? They don't have any other evidence of abuse so unless it's an opportunity to try discover more, or collect evidence there isn't any at all.

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Well I’ve not heard of it, as in you and your DH have to go? I doubt it is anything to try and uncover abuse, it sounds to me and I could be completely off the mark that they might have concerns around boundaries maybe so they’ve put you on a programme like a parenting course that teaches this. Where I’ve had Mum’s who have enabled or as they would probably put it ‘not recognised’ that their child is being abused the child goes on a child protection plan, abuser is removed from the home and isn’t part of that plan and Mum is then supported by SS to attend these courses to ensure it doesn’t happen again with a different partner etc. Have they put your child on a child protection plan? You only need to agree to the actions if they are on a child protection plan, if it’s child in need it is voluntary.

oustedbymymate · 27/09/2024 22:18

'Hoping he's found innocent' that's an odd comment.

You need to instil in her right now the difference between silly and totally inappropriate and the consequences of her actions. This might be the shock that's needed.

RosesAndHellebores · 27/09/2024 22:18

@LetsPlayShadowlands what precisely is hilarious? Not being vulgar and inappropriate?

NoOffButton · 27/09/2024 22:19

Yourethebeerthief · 27/09/2024 18:14

@Nannyoggapple

I would have got sick if my granny came over and kissed me on the lips, when I was a child

You're the one jumping from parents kissing their children on the lips to grannies 🙄 it's sad that you call it invasive. Look, it's not the norm where you are- fine. But it's perfectly normal elsewhere whether or not you want to have mad notions about how wrong and dirty it is.

FWIW my granny used to kiss me on the lips (just hello and goodbye), it was a lovely sign of affection and nothing more. I don’t feel there was anything remotely sexual about it.

DD kissing me on the lips which is a bit like being slobbered by a Labrador but completely non-sexual too. I do encourage the cheek instead due to the slobber and germs.

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 22:20

Grmumpy · 27/09/2024 22:17

Your thread was rather worrying. My granddaughter recently said something very odd and with a sexual connotation to me. When I asked her where she heard it from she said a big boy she didn’t know in a pub. Like your daughter she is 4. I told her she must not say this anymore. When I spoke to my son about it he thought it was amusing. The boy was the 8 year old son of a family friend. I pointed out that if this was repeated at school it could cause a lot of misunderstanding. Schools need to be vigilant but also not to jump to conclusions. Recently she was also over enthusiastic with her rough play and when I told her to stop she carried on. My husband said he had seen an episode of Bluey with the same behaviour. Sorry this happened to you and your family op. Hope you can all try to put it behind you.

I’m confused as to why you didn’t have concerns over the 8 year old?

PadstowGirl · 27/09/2024 22:20

Grmumpy · 27/09/2024 22:17

Your thread was rather worrying. My granddaughter recently said something very odd and with a sexual connotation to me. When I asked her where she heard it from she said a big boy she didn’t know in a pub. Like your daughter she is 4. I told her she must not say this anymore. When I spoke to my son about it he thought it was amusing. The boy was the 8 year old son of a family friend. I pointed out that if this was repeated at school it could cause a lot of misunderstanding. Schools need to be vigilant but also not to jump to conclusions. Recently she was also over enthusiastic with her rough play and when I told her to stop she carried on. My husband said he had seen an episode of Bluey with the same behaviour. Sorry this happened to you and your family op. Hope you can all try to put it behind you.

You "Told her she must not say this anymore"?

This concerns me. What if she actually was abused? You are telling her to say nothing?

Justice4Friend · 27/09/2024 22:22

RosesAndHellebores · 27/09/2024 22:11

I agree with@nannyoggapple

DH and I never kissed our children on the lips. We were never kissed on the lips by a relative and nor did a relative kiss our children on the lips.

It's peculiar in an inappropriate and rather vile and vulgar way. Notwithstanding the fact that it spreads germs.

DH and I happily air kiss both cheeks, sometimes a third time with our friends and acquaintances. On the lips. No. Never. Nobody except each other and former significant others but that was decades ago.

Agree. It's disgusting. Adults do all sorts of nasty things with their mouths. Usually have bad breath. All sorts of germs. There should be a law against it.

beenwhereyouare · 27/09/2024 22:23

IsleOfPenguinBollards · 27/09/2024 14:06

I probably wouldn’t have taken that comment seriously. I wonder if your DD has said something else when questioned.

Last year, DD and her friend (both 5) were playing at the park and they were both saying silly things and laughing. DD’s friend said something about sticking her head up her dad’s bottom and I didn’t take much notice. Later she said “sometimes I suck my daddy’s willy”. She said it twice, so I knew I’d heard her correctly. It seemed a strange thing for a child that age to say.

I did report it and either the police or social services went and spoke to the family. But they accepted it was probably just silly talk and took no further action.

They left it at that?!?!

She heard it somewhere.

YouZirName · 27/09/2024 22:25

IsleOfPenguinBollards · 27/09/2024 14:06

I probably wouldn’t have taken that comment seriously. I wonder if your DD has said something else when questioned.

Last year, DD and her friend (both 5) were playing at the park and they were both saying silly things and laughing. DD’s friend said something about sticking her head up her dad’s bottom and I didn’t take much notice. Later she said “sometimes I suck my daddy’s willy”. She said it twice, so I knew I’d heard her correctly. It seemed a strange thing for a child that age to say.

I did report it and either the police or social services went and spoke to the family. But they accepted it was probably just silly talk and took no further action.

I'm sorry that's a massive safeguarding red flag, and you should have reported. Jesus. Now you've likely just given a predator a heads up to be more careful.

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 22:26

Justice4Friend · 27/09/2024 22:22

Agree. It's disgusting. Adults do all sorts of nasty things with their mouths. Usually have bad breath. All sorts of germs. There should be a law against it.

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I have a big family and as you say decades ago my aunts used to kiss me on the lips as a child as did my nan and I thought nothing of it. But in this day and age cheek kisses are far more appropriate.

Grmumpy · 27/09/2024 22:27

Sorry, but assuming everything op says is true ( and I do) I think the situation is horrific. I would find it deeply traumatic to have my husband removed from my home, my child segregated at school, my child having 1:1 sessions with social worker, being questioned by the police and ss and having to do a 45 day course on child safety. All because of a couple of silly things a child who is described as happy and doing well at school.

Original poster

Junkemail · 27/09/2024 22:29

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 22:18

Well I’ve not heard of it, as in you and your DH have to go? I doubt it is anything to try and uncover abuse, it sounds to me and I could be completely off the mark that they might have concerns around boundaries maybe so they’ve put you on a programme like a parenting course that teaches this. Where I’ve had Mum’s who have enabled or as they would probably put it ‘not recognised’ that their child is being abused the child goes on a child protection plan, abuser is removed from the home and isn’t part of that plan and Mum is then supported by SS to attend these courses to ensure it doesn’t happen again with a different partner etc. Have they put your child on a child protection plan? You only need to agree to the actions if they are on a child protection plan, if it’s child in need it is voluntary.

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I've just had a Google and it's a 45 day child and family assessment, less of a programme maybe, I'm not sure.
Leeds council have this and sounds similar.
www.leeds.gov.uk/one-minute-guides/child-and-family-assessment#:~:text=The%20child%20and%20family%20assessment%20can%20take%20a%20maximum%20of,extended%20past%20the%2010%20days.

OP posts:

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 22:35

Junkemail · 27/09/2024 22:29

I've just had a Google and it's a 45 day child and family assessment, less of a programme maybe, I'm not sure.
Leeds council have this and sounds similar.
www.leeds.gov.uk/one-minute-guides/child-and-family-assessment#:~:text=The%20child%20and%20family%20assessment%20can%20take%20a%20maximum%20of,extended%20past%20the%2010%20days.

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Oh okay yes it’s an assessment, I doubt they will take 45 days. At the end of the assessment they decide what happens, either case closes or they will put the family on a plan. Yes in this time there will be interviews with you and direct work with your child. It’s just something you will have to go through now but it’s better to cooperate

rustyspoon45 · 27/09/2024 22:35

Air kissing our children.
Laws against kissing our children.
Some absolute nutcases on this thread 😂

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 22:37

Grmumpy · 27/09/2024 22:27

Sorry, but assuming everything op says is true ( and I do) I think the situation is horrific. I would find it deeply traumatic to have my husband removed from my home, my child segregated at school, my child having 1:1 sessions with social worker, being questioned by the police and ss and having to do a 45 day course on child safety. All because of a couple of silly things a child who is described as happy and doing well at school.

I agree with you, If innocent it’s a terrible thing to go through but unfortunately we live in a world where Fathers do sexually abuse their children.

Ottersmith · 27/09/2024 22:45

juliaxxl80 · 27/09/2024 14:16

I am not so sure. Here is a story of Lucy Allan MP (from 18:00 )

Edited

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This needs a trigger warning. It's awful.

Kitkat1523 · 27/09/2024 22:52

Junkemail · 27/09/2024 22:29

I've just had a Google and it's a 45 day child and family assessment, less of a programme maybe, I'm not sure.
Leeds council have this and sounds similar.
www.leeds.gov.uk/one-minute-guides/child-and-family-assessment#:~:text=The%20child%20and%20family%20assessment%20can%20take%20a%20maximum%20of,extended%20past%20the%2010%20days.

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It will be a section 17 ‘child in need’ assessment……may not take 45 days ……SW will ask school and health for input …..may take less or more time depending on SW capacity

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 22:55

Kitkat1523 · 27/09/2024 22:52

It will be a section 17 ‘child in need’ assessment……may not take 45 days ……SW will ask school and health for input …..may take less or more time depending on SW capacity

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If it’s with the police it’s a section 47 joint assessment, which I think Op said it was. But yes it will likely take less than 45 days

4yo being silly - CPS called on us by school

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