4yo being silly - CPS called on us by school

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Our life feels like it's been turned upside over a silly comment my reception aged child said to their teacher that her and my DH have been eating crayons out each others bottoms.

We've ended up with social services knocking on our doors and my DH is being investigated. It is absolute nonsense, she's 4 and says stupid things like this all the time about a variety of people. My DH is being investigated as sexually abusing her now. That's one issue and I'm hoping he's found innocent in their eyes as he's been kicked out the house by then.

But how do I handle comments like this moving forward so it doesn't happen again. She tells lies and imaginary stories that I know aren't true and this time it's ended up with us being in real trouble.

The absolute certainty that you speak with despite knowing nothing about the child or family in question is quite staggering.
Are you saying you think this child has indeed seen his parents eating crayons out of each others arseholes then?
I mean I don't know, but I would hazard a guess that it's more likely the child is being silly or talking shit. As all kids do.

I haven't read all comments there's so many, oh my.

Just to clarify a few tiny bits, I am in UK, north of England.

Yes it is this one isolated comment. The school have said they have no other concerns. I truly believe it's a massive over reaction, but yes I understand in some cases it might not been.

We do lots of kisses and cuddles. Not on the lips but a peck on the cheek, several times in a day. This is a sign of respect in my families culture to give a kiss goodbye or goodnight.

DD does a lot of fart and poo, wee, bum humour, as do we, it's childish but funny.

We have come to rethink about how we speak and act with DD though and it's become really difficult tonight. We're trying to not withdraw but there's times where we've halted back thinking, is this ok? How could this be twisted if she tells someone at school. Im worried this withdrawal/change may affect her more.

Been a tough couple of days.

Total fucking claptrap

This is exactly what we do btw, it's in no way sexual. We play baby shark or crocodile or zombie or animal of the day. This is exactly what's been twisted.

Always clothed too, as does DH.

It's just affection.

I'm so sorry OP that you've gone through this and that it's already affecting innocent family dynamics. I would be so angry at the school for this, I don't care what anyone says about concerns for child safeguarding and I've worked in schools for years. This was not an appropriate way to deal with a one-off comment.

I agree.

I had to pick my DD up from school today and she'd been segregated from her class at the other side of the building. I didn't know this and went to normal pick up and I felt like I got really uncomfortable looks from a couple of her teachers when I was moving over. Like they wouldn't look me in the eye.

The deputy head teacher came to speak to me and said the usual drivel "it's process" but I told her I was fuming, and the allegations weren't true.

But I feel so uncomfortable going back now.

I can sympathise. My learning disabled daughter used to make up all sorts. She told school I was burning lots candles and found it scary. They sent someone round as I think they thought I was practising witchcraft ! It was candles on birthday or Christmas and just one or two but she elaborated .
She also said I kicked her in the stomach in the playground and made up stories about her brother too. They soon realised she was fabricating and everything was ok in the end but it's horrible that she was making all the stuff up .

Why was he kicked out but the child not removed? If the child has said you were both doing it, surely this is relating to both of you not just him?

Makes no sense what they have said. if they have concerns they have that about both of you or neither.

4 year olds say all sorts of things. Not every four year old - my DD never did, my DS however would have us jailed!!! He’s a giddy kipper who loves bum / willy / toilet jokes and also loves being centre of attention so will be inappropriate for a rise. Plus - bums are funny wobbly bits that are mostly covered up - they’re ripe for children to find them hilarious.

Fascinated by some of the comments. I get that this sort of banter can be the start of something horrible for a minority of children, but for the vast majority it’s family silliness. I’m not sure I’m pro cutting any of this stuff from family life just because adults have massively over sexualised butts and sometimes awful things happen to children. These awful things will still happen regardless of how strict we are about bum jokes.

Yeah they do, in some areas more than others. It'll be because the school made the referral, if you or I contacted them to report they don't often act

Just come across this and a couple of comments I've seen.

But I don't live in the worst area but it has some rough bits. The school used to be one of the worst in the area and on 'needs improvement' but is now 'good'. It has made me wonder if the area and previous reports has meant they're more strict now?

Also DD main teacher has been off work and I think it was a supporting/sub teacher that has done the report because I saw new faces in that morning. So possibly a different standard?

All assumptions of course but I'll never know!

They've pulled some suspicion it's been happening when I was out the house or something but DD even said it happened in the garden! Didn't even think until now how it makes the whole thing even more ridiculous like that would be happening in the garden.

This is the third time I’ve heard of this happening. In the other two cases for some reason unknown to anyone, even the kids themselves, the kids joked that their dads had done certain things. It was initially very unpleasant in each case - SS, SS doctor examinations, interviews, etc, but things were resolved v quickly in each case. I’m so sorry this has happened, you’ve already taken from this experience that your DC is being taken seriously when making allegations, which is the most important thing. It’ll all come out in the wash.

We have 3 small children and we kiss their knees, hands and heads whenever they fall down and hurt themselves. The other day we went to the playground and our 4 year old son was sliding down a pole. He managed to hurt his penis doing that, so we patted his head and calmed him down. He all of a sudden said loudly "Someone needs to kiss my penis!"

I dread to think what would have happened if he said this is in school.

Yes they would…..it’s called a safety plan….and both parents would be asked to agree to it.
seen it happen many a time through work

Absolutely ridiculous 😂

How ridiculous, what a weird thing to sexualise a child's bum.

Even in shows like Bluey, the dad dog grabs the kids and plays "bum bongos".

It's so weird how people are like, yup this is why.

Oh great you're gonna have some of the anti-affection commenters trying to cancel bluey now 😂

The world may seem to have gone mad but it is fact that a disclosure may reveal (and prevent) abuse. Most people working with children/medically vulnerable/elderly people undergo extensive safeguarding training. There are comments/situations that must be flagged, even if you are personally confident there’s nothing in it. It’s not overzealous, it’s a professional requirement and there could be serious consequences for vulnerable people when things aren’t handle correctly. It’s a risk to put all the onus on one person’s judgement. Sadly, it’s a fact that sometimes what might seem to have an innocent explanation is actually quite sinister.

It’s easy to say ‘that’s ridiculous’ but there are systems in place because of lessons learned from the past. I agree that it’s sad that a loving family has had to go through such stress but unfortunately there has to be a process.

OP, sorry that you’ve all had to go through this really stressful time. Especially your husband, keep an eye on his mental health now while you all get back to normal.

It is good that they are taking it seriously and it could also be something she is picking up from another child at school. I remember being about 6 and hearing lots of words and even rude jokes from a girl at school. I repeated at home and in front of my younger sibling leaving my parents shocked.

When I was about 10, so year 6 I got boobs quite young and a boy ripped my shirt open, by accident and I was fully exposed in th play ground. Another girl in my class was walking around all day and week saying I was raped and a few kids were chanting it. First time id heard it. But absolutely nothing was done about it. That was about 20 or so years ago now.

@Soitwillbefine

"It's a shame that..."
"There will inevitably be casualties..."

Fuck that.

It’s easy to say ‘that’s ridiculous’ but there are systems in place because of lessons learned from the past. I agree that it’s sad that a loving family has had to go through such stress but unfortunately there has to be a process

The process has been grossly mishandled by the school. The process is not to report any one-off bonkers comment from a child. Otherwise social services would collapse.

The school is at fault here and based on OP's updates it's clear they know they've fucked up for this family. Child safeguarding training needs to be sorted at that school because you can't just drag families through chaos in the name of "just in case." Yes, there are processes, but they are not to report straight to CPS based on one random comment.

Can you provide a source for this insightful contribution

That's the point at which you tell him it's not appropriate to touch someone else's bottom and especially not with his head. He then learns not to do it again and that it's not funny. He is then unlikely to joke about it at nursery.

If you laugh and encourage this behaviour then you are failing in your duty to teach boundaries.