To hate the phrase "No Thank you"

[Wishingplenty]

I really hate the phrase "No Thank you" often said to a very young child, usually in a high pitched condescending tone, often when said child just wants to interact in a friendly manner with whoever is saying it's child.
Case in point, my 10 month old baby who has just started crawling, crawled up to a child about 3 and wanted to look at her boots. Mother of said child says loudly in a really high pitched condescending to tone oh "No Thank you" to my baby son.
Why say this to a baby? and why are you teaching your toddler to be totally unpleasant to a much younger child?
I have encountered this a few times to varying degrees with other children and just find it so utterly rude and nasty and most of all completely unnecessary!

She must have been to RADA if she managed to load three short words usually associated with the polite declining of an offer with so much ‘venomous contempt’!

Really people need to stay at home in that case if a baby is so easy to take offence to

I would also advise that if you find "no thank you" to be horrifically rude you should stay at home yourself. The world must be a truly horrific place to you if you find no thank you so utterly offensive. Blimey.

Ummm - maybe you need to stay at home if you're so easily offended by someone saying, 'no thank you'? You don't know why the other mum may not have wanted your baby approaching her child. Can't you just accept that she had her reasons and may not have being rude?

If you take your child to a baby group surely you expect them to have some sort of interaction with the other children there. Or why take them?

Where exactly are you letting your baby crawl in public?
Why should another child have to accept your baby playing with their shoes?

Blimey, you've got some grouchy responses to your OP. I think at a baby group you've got to expect that babies are going to crawl up to other children surely? I hate the way in which you've described it said and I've heard it before, it's just so unnecessary. If any child was annoying my child, especially when they are babies and/or toddlers then I would move my child or try and distract the other child kindly.

It is the manner and tone that the "No Thank You" is said in. Very passive aggressive and is a miss use of the original term that the phrase is intended for. I just think teaching that to a 3 year old is truly sad. If my own 3 year old were to say this and actively bully a baby, which is what it amounts to I would tell her off.

Oh dear. We say this all the time, in school. It usually stops unwanted behaviour, in a polite but firm way.😬

At a baby group.

Maybe the older child has sensory issues that mean they’d be uncomfortable with your baby being in their space.

Don’t judge wheat you don’t know.

How would you prefer people to communicate to stranger’s children that their attention isn’t welcome?

They say 'no thank you' at my son's nursery instead of just yelling 'no!' or 'stop it!' as it's easier to say without sounding cross and shouty. So now we say it too. I think what OP is cross about is that the other mum didn't want the baby grabbing her toddler. I'd probably have tried to move the toddler if it was me, mine hates babies grabbing him.

Bully a baby 😂 venomous?!

I use this a lot in my work. I'm not rude or unkind but it does really help make a quick mostly understood point when I've just been kicked/hit/pushed etc short phrase to make a point. Some people are far too wordy. I also encourage other students to use it. I certainly don't teach venomous contempt 🤣

I get you're not talking about SEN in this post but simple language is best for kids too.

So now they are bullying your baby because they didn’t want it climbing all over them?

I think we now know the reason they didn’t want to interact with the baby..the mother is batshit 😂

edit to say meant to quote the OP not this poster

I dont think I've ever heard it said in that context, how does it even make sense? But your baby doesn't care, just move them away in future

So now they are bullying your baby because they didn’t want it climbing all over them?

I think we now know the reason they didn’t want to interact with the baby..the mother is batshit 😂

She was indicating you should come and move the baby as it was touching her/ her child. That may have been because her child is boisterous with little ones. It's fine to ask anyone to stop touching you at any age whatever their intention.

Why have you taken this so personally and inferred venom and contempt just because someone didn't give your child what they wanted?

I wouldn’t take this post at face value. So baby “just went up to”, more likely baby was annoying the other child and messing with her things. Obviously baby doesn’t mean any harm, but the comment was clearly directed at the MUM as in “woman, your kid is annoying AF, get a handle on this”.

The same people who don’t get this obvious social etiquette are usually the ones who take great issue when a 3 year old smacks their baby because they are 3 years old and get annoyed by people invading their space or playing with their things.

I would never let my children get into another child’s personal space. I make a point of following after them and apologising if they invade their space. Sometimes the kids like the interaction and the mum will say “oh no it’s fine” in which case they’re making friends, but “My child has an instant right to touch or mess with your child” isn’t the default position.

Well was it passive aggression or venom and contempt? Make your mind up! Those aren't the same intent!

How self absorbed can someone get 🙄

Teach your child not to interfere with other children.

The Mum was not being rude at all.

I agree that she was indicating to you to please move your baby. Maybe her toddler is liable to hit or maybe she just thought it was strange that you wouldn’t come and get them?

I’ve been to a lot of baby groups and would not let my kid go and grab another child’s shoes. I’d be going and picking them up and directing them to somewhere more appropriate to explore.

Of the baby had licked the kids boots, cos babies do like to lick things, do we just laugh and say oh let her lick it, she's just a baby?

It's ridiculous to think your baby can do anything they want and everyone has to tolerate it. At 3 DS wouldn't have coped being crawled over by a strange baby but we went to baby groups anyway because he needed to get used to other kids.

The other Mom was perfectly polite and there's no venomous contempt in "no thank you"

Where exactly are you letting your baby crawl in public?

At a baby group. Jesus wept it says it in the OP.

Why should another child have to accept your baby playing with their shoes?

This is everything that's wrong with people today and they are teaching it to their children too. Everything is about me me me. My boundaries. Why should I have to accept that?

Because a 3 year old should be taught that it's not all about them. The baby is just a tiny infant doing what babies do. I'd rather encourage kindness and compassion in my 3 year old than make every single interaction, even one with a baby ffs, be about them and what they want.

Someone with more social grace would have encouraged some kind of interaction between the children, and if the toddler didn't want the baby to touch their shoes then they could say something less blunt and dismissive. "It's ok baby is just interested in your shoes. But she doesn't have to touch them, she can just look. See there's her mummy, she'll make sure she can see your shoes without touching them." Then smile and talk to the mother like every baby/ toddler group I've ever been to. Have a wee bond over the difficulties with toddlers and babies. The parents use these little meetings between their kids to actually speak to one another.

So grateful for where I live when I read these sorts of threads.

😂no love, just a bit more bonkers.

If your 10 month old approached my child that would be fine, but other Mums are entitled to set boundaries. Maybe the child is immunocompromised or has ND and hates being touched by others or has a tendency to lash out at other children. Maybe the Mum is very antisocial and a raging germaphobe, this will be her problem to deal with. To be honest, it's odd that she's taken a 3 yo to a playgroup and then doesn't want babies to approach him, but I'm sure she has her reasons.

"No thank you," is much better than "Go away."