To hate the phrase "No Thank you"

[Wishingplenty]

I really hate the phrase "No Thank you" often said to a very young child, usually in a high pitched condescending tone, often when said child just wants to interact in a friendly manner with whoever is saying it's child.
Case in point, my 10 month old baby who has just started crawling, crawled up to a child about 3 and wanted to look at her boots. Mother of said child says loudly in a really high pitched condescending to tone oh "No Thank you" to my baby son.
Why say this to a baby? and why are you teaching your toddler to be totally unpleasant to a much younger child?
I have encountered this a few times to varying degrees with other children and just find it so utterly rude and nasty and most of all completely unnecessary!

Yes, with respect, her three year old DOES have to learn to tolerate someone else's baby. We all do, otherwise society breaks down. We all have to get along with one another, nobody is more important than anyone else.

How the hell are all these fanatically protected children expected to function in society when they're fully grown? God forbid anyone breach their 'boundaries'!

This thread is something else. A few sane voices of reason and most of the rest of you are batshit! 😂This really does indicate to me that British society is screwed, if this is now the new orthodoxy. You do realise this is a very, very recent attitude, right? That 20 years ago, we parents were not rabidly protective of our small children and inventing things for them to be upset or offended about? Boundaries are sensible things to have and we all know why - but telling your 3 year old to be upset because a tiny baby 'breached' their personal space is absolutely crazy. I assume you'll all be home-schooling your children so they don't have to interact with anyone unpredictable?

It isn’t a 3 year olds job to make sure that a baby is exposed to exploration. If they don’t want to interact with a baby at that time, it’s absolutely fine. Especially if they are annoyed by being grabbed at.

Of course they apply to babies if it’s making another child annoyed/irritable etc the baby doesn’t come before the 3 year old, especially to that 3 year olds parent. The baby isn’t going to understand but the parent will or should.

Except the baby. The baby ‘exploring’ and grabbing the 3 year olds shoes is more important than the 3 year old feeling annoyed and not wanting to be grabbed at apparently.

@GlomOfNit

This thread is something else. A few sane voices of reason and most of the rest of you are batshit! 😂This really does indicate to me that British society is screwed, if this is now the new orthodoxy. You do realise this is a very, very recent attitude, right? That 20 years ago, we parents were not rabidly protective of our small children and inventing things for them to be upset or offended about? Boundaries are sensible things to have and we all know why - but telling your 3 year old to be upset because a tiny baby 'breached' their personal space is absolutely crazy.

Completely agree. So many posters arguing "it's not the 3 year old's job..."

I really detest this modern way of thinking that anything that "demands" something of you as a functioning member of society is somehow "labour". It arose in the intersectional grievance type circles where you here cries of "it's not my job to educate you and provide my free labour to explain myself to you" 🙄 Now it's being applied to children.

"A 3 year old doesn't own you anything"
"It's not their job..."
"Why should they have to..."
"The 3 year old shouldn't have to tolerate it"
"They have a right not to be touched"

Not enough eye roll 🙄 emojis to go around for this bullshit.

Where do you get "grabbing" from?

Also I'm sure if the 3yo was distressed or annoyed OP wouldn't be so confused by the mother's reaction.

"Except the baby" really??? As a society do we no longer believe that we should make reasonable accommodations for babies?

It is inexorably sad that parents can have the view that a 3 year old should not always be encouraged to be kind and tolerant to a baby.

Really? The OPs reaction was OTT as it is, I don’t fully trust her judgement of the situation due to her comments on here.

I think it’s absolutely fine if a 3 year old doesn’t want to be touched/grabbed at/pestered by a baby. I have twin babies and teach my almost 2 year old that it’s absolutely fine to not want to be grabbed at etc I also tell him that they are just babies and don’t understand but he absolutely doesn’t have to tolerate it. Why should he?

@SouthLondonMum22 how do you square the fact that a baby is too young to understand with the argument that a 2 year old doesn't have to put up with it? We are not talking about grabbing or pestering here, simply a baby approaching a toddler and wanting to look at their boots. This just comes down to kindness.

Wouldn't it be better to teach your 2 year old that while it can sometimes be annoying, within reason one should learn to engage with a baby in a kind, encouraging and positive way?

Of course they don’t understand. It doesn’t mean that they can do whatever they like though, especially when it involves someone else who might not want to be touched or grabbed in that moment. The baby wasn’t just looking at the boots, the baby was touching.

Depends. If everyone is happily engaging, I don’t see the issue. If DS has had enough or doesn’t want to be touched/grabbed in that moment then the twins are distracted and moved away.

This thread really made me laugh, especially the woman saying no thank you to a baby which I’m imagining was delivered in a very forthright and high-pitched manner, like something you’d say when trying to get past a chugger.

I pissed myself laughing at this 😆
"Get a job you slacker baby"

This thread is fascinating. I'm amazed opinion is divided. I thought it would be a slam dunk for YABU. I must be way too pragmatic and insensitive 😂.

Although I do think empathy, common sense and statistics suggest that not all Mums, nor their little ones, can be at their maximum sociability alert with absolutely everyone, including all babies, all the time. Sometimes Mum's & Tots is as much a breather for the Mum as the child. You just never know what other people are coping with behind the scenes. And tone is so subjective anyway.

Maybe some posters are just used to play groups which are small, sedate affairs. Others to those that are crammed and completely manic. I've been to plenty of both. Some of the happiest years of my life. Can't imagine having the time or energy to be offended by 'No thank you' 🤯

Complete with hand held up. "No thank you, I don't need any "baby" today", and then baby takes clipboard to next mother and toddler.

And don't forget the baby being solemnly informed that it needs to do a safeguarding course, learn about boundaries and get an updated DBS.

😂

I think you're the one who needs to stay at Love. The world is centred around your child.

I think a key difference is the baby won't remember whereas the 2 year old will/is learning social rules as opposed to baby exploring. Therefore to my mind, the toddler trumps the baby. The mum who said no thank you did nothing wrong, whereas if she hadn't said anything and her toddler kicked the baby it would have been worse, surely?

This. Exactly this.

🤣🤣🤣