To hate the phrase "No Thank you"

[Wishingplenty]

I really hate the phrase "No Thank you" often said to a very young child, usually in a high pitched condescending tone, often when said child just wants to interact in a friendly manner with whoever is saying it's child.
Case in point, my 10 month old baby who has just started crawling, crawled up to a child about 3 and wanted to look at her boots. Mother of said child says loudly in a really high pitched condescending to tone oh "No Thank you" to my baby son.
Why say this to a baby? and why are you teaching your toddler to be totally unpleasant to a much younger child?
I have encountered this a few times to varying degrees with other children and just find it so utterly rude and nasty and most of all completely unnecessary!

I find it a bit at odds with other mumsnet threads that so many posters are happy for a baby to explore and touch a little child's boots or shoes ,when on other threads shoes should definitely be removed at the door to stop dirt and germs on surfaces babies will play and crawl on. I thought this is why the mum said no thank you to touching.

If that was the case then the mum would surely have said ‘oh sweetheart, don’t put your mouth near his shoes as we’ve walked through the park and his shoes aren’t clean …’ - obviously for the OP to clock.

The ‘no thank you’ sounds to me like a ‘stay away from my child’.

So with you OP, the other day an 8 year old said "Excuse me", in a childish voice, to my 5 year old - apparently she wanted too pass by him.

Actual violence.

"No, thank you" is the standard phrase used to politely decline something

Mmm. But if you use it incorrectly, the meaning changes.

'Would you like a cup of tea?'
'No thank you'.
Lovely.

'Can I help you with something?'
'No thank you'.
Fine.

Approach someone and touch their elbow.
'No thank you'.
That means Fuck Off.

It sounds like you object to anyone having any kind of personal boundaries related to your child’s behaviour.

😀
Highlands and Islands?

Most 3 year olds do not want to be grabbed and drooled on by 10 month olds, and they do grab and don't let go.

I have found in the last year that my 2-3 year old became like catnip to 5-8 year old girls who loved to come play with her at soft plays but at 10 months there was no such thing.

10 month olds aren't capable of playing together and most 3 year old aren't really either as they are just on the cusp of learning that developmental skill, children of this age simply exist side by side in the same space.

I would say not wanting your limbs/hair/clothing grabbed and locked onto by a baby (who at that age is half their size and can hurt each other easily from the baby not understand to the toddler panicking) is even more a necessary boundary than a hug from an adult.

Yes its the POLITE way to say fuck off because you have NO right to touch someone ever and apparently need to be told to back up because you rude enough to not know that.

If you are in the wrong you can't get mad at being POLITELY warned your in the wrong.

Because they are allowed out the house without being touched. ANYONE has the right not to be grabbed but once again the blatant ableism is shocking.

There was a parent like this at DS sure start meet up, she was a bloody nuisance and ended up getting kicked out after being warned multiple times every damn meeting for MONTHS to supervise her child.

The kid would go through people bags, steal stuff, eat others food, grab other children, hit/bite, climb on thing dangerously, run in and out of doors and the mam just sat their ignoring it with the attitude of 'its a club for babies'.

She was told not to come back (and reported to SS by the way) as it was frankly DANGEROUS and everyone else was having to take time to supervise her child constantly.

NO you cannot just let your child do anything because its 'for babies' (and many of these clubs are not 'for babies' they are for pre-school children as indicated by toddlers being there) they do not have the right to touch, wander everywhere randomly or take thing anywhere even in baby groups.

Why couldn't she have "politely warned" the adult in this situation then, rather than the ten month old baby?

I'm guessing because it was an instant response to the situation and she has NO IDEA who the mother even is.

These are strangers and OP is letting her kid free roam around the place which some think is perfectly normal.

OK, I didn't realise you were actually there and witnessing this. My apologies.

And honestly if a baby can't explore a little in a baby group, where can it? Maybe they should be kept strapped in buggies whilst out in public, just in case they accidentally cross somebody's boundary? It's a baby! Honestly 😂

10 month old babies generally can't understand what is being said, it would have most likely been for the OP's benefit to let her know the interaction wasn't welcome at that time.

I know! So why couldn't she have been an adult and speak to another adult rather than through a baby?

she did, she said 'no thank you'

Yes.. to a baby that you've just said doesn't understand so she's actually addressing the adult but for some reason isn't able to say it to their face?

Not rude at all. Your life is going to be very difficult if you take umbrage at your child being asked to stop doing something.

The same could be said about people that go through life shocked at babies touching shoes.

no-one is shocked at babies touching shoes (except that one batshit poster) its trying to get the OP to understand that the 3yo's mother saying 'No Thank You' in that moment isn't 'cruelty to babies'. She is allowed to refuse the interaction for any reason.

@Maray1967 in no way is your comparison the same so I'm struggling to see your point? A teacher requesting she did something in class (which, given teachers are professionals in the development and teaching of children, would in itself respect my child's autonomy) is entirely different then some random child touching her or wanting to interact at a play group. I also made clear that being polite is a constant requirement.

However, if a child wanted to play with my DD in the school playground when she didn't want to, as a better comparison, yes, I would expect her to use the same 'no thank you'. It's polite and allows my DD to have a reasonable level of autonomy which your post dictated she shouldn't have

I'm teaching my child to say "I'm playing with that right now/please don't touch my xxx (so boots in this case)/I don't like that". Obviously I would also tell my child it's only a baby/that's what babies do/they're just looking followed by"but if you don't like it you can say...". I would neither say no thank you myself nor tell her to say no thank you because it doesn't make sense!!! If the baby was offering her a half-chewed rusk I would say"no thank you, you eat it " because that actually does make sense.

I cannot imagine being so overly sensitive that simple phrases like 'No, thank you' or 'You're welcome' would irk me.

It's akin to the supposed passive aggression of a thumbs up emoji 🙄

Absolute tosh.

She was at a soft play and that is the purpose of it. Trying to teach a 10 month old baby how to behave but not a toddler who understands A LOT more?

Yes, the OP hasn't done herself any favours by her subsequent posts, although I expect she was reacting to the pile on she got.

Of course the mum can refuse her child to interact with anybody if she chooses, she doesn't even have to have a reason, my point is there are a lot more amicable ways she could have broached this. The fact she didn't care that she may come across rude or abrupt speaks volumes in my eyes.