To hate the phrase "No Thank you"

[Wishingplenty]

I really hate the phrase "No Thank you" often said to a very young child, usually in a high pitched condescending tone, often when said child just wants to interact in a friendly manner with whoever is saying it's child.
Case in point, my 10 month old baby who has just started crawling, crawled up to a child about 3 and wanted to look at her boots. Mother of said child says loudly in a really high pitched condescending to tone oh "No Thank you" to my baby son.
Why say this to a baby? and why are you teaching your toddler to be totally unpleasant to a much younger child?
I have encountered this a few times to varying degrees with other children and just find it so utterly rude and nasty and most of all completely unnecessary!

Maybe she knows her child and the child wasn’t comfortable and maybe the poster wasn’t picking up the cues ? who knows…We only have one version . I’ve been at lots of soft play / toddler groups where the mums don’t actually look after their own kids and let them just wander round to be looked after by others. Not saying this is the case but it’s annoying even when it’s a toddler group.

But they weren't unkind?! We have no idea how the child in question responded but there is nothing at all to suggest that anyone was anything approaching unkind.

A bit sensitive? 😂

She's described it as bullying, cruelty and that anyone who disagrees with her should not be having children.

I'd say it's a little more than "a bit sensitive", no matter whether you believe the other woman's response was appropriate or not.

'No thank you' is not dismissive or abrupt. It's actually rather polite.

I have 4 children, 2 with SEN. The amount of parents that let their children run feral and expect other parents to do the hard work is ridiculous. A child shouldnt have to say 'no thank you', as the parent they should read that the child is looking uncomfortable and redirect their child. It is no one else's responsibility.

i wasnt aware that a childs presence at a baby/toddler group meant they had to be willing and ready to interact with every other child for the entire time that they're there.

As i said upthread, what if the toddler was having a Time-Out after being a bit rowdy, or mum just wanted her to sit quietly for a minute to chill/calm down.

No one, child or adult, is required to Perform for anyone elses kid without a break.

I don’t want random snotty brats anywhere near my children.

Sounds like it’s u that is being rude allowing yr child to touch other peoples things to the point a parent has to say no thank you to u!

"Actively bully a baby"? You really are reaching here. 🙄

Don't go to any baby/toddler/youth groups ever then.

In fact just move to the middle of nowhere and live in a cave so they never encounter other human beings or make friends ever.

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

@Mummy3Plus1 no thank you absolutely can be said in a dismissive or abrupt way. Tone often matters as much as the words used.

I mean this in the most respectful way but you sound triggered and really quite emotional about something that seems so innocent.
It's extremely common to hear that phrase as it's a polite way of encouraging a child to stop something.
I love children! I'm a qualified primary school teacher and I currently work supporting families with young children. I have 2 children of my own (3 and 1 years old) and we regularly say no thankyou! When the baby is coming up to the toddlers plate of food and trying to throw the plate.. No thankyou (whilst removing the plate) when the baby is pulling the toddlers hair and not letting go.. No thankyou (whilst gently removing her hand). We do this so toddler doesn't react aggressively as we all know.. Toddlers are absoloutely wild.
So OP, what should I say?

Okay, so what should this person have said to try and teach someone elses child to respect their boundaries?

You're assuming the tone was dismissive and abrupt but even if that were the case, it wasn't this persons job to correct her child. It's that simple. If OP was aware of her child she would have noticed this other child was not happy and should have stopped it without the other parent having to say anything at all. Not all children like being touched and some have a very big reaction to it. These children shouldn't be excluded from learning to socialise. All children should be taught to respect other people's boundaries, it's really that simple.

Well we don’t go to those events and we do live in the country.

problem more or less solved 🥂

Do you live under a bridge?

Maybe 'no thank you' has suffered a change of use similar to 'can I help you', which used to indicate a genuine offer to assist but now, said in a certain tone, means 'what the hell do you think you are doing?'. 'No thank you' will be lost as a polite refusal of something offered if it keeps getting used as an instruction to back off!! People used to give young children whose actions were unwelcome a firm but gentle 'No, no, no,' which is both clear and unambiguous.

Anyway, what are people going to say now if they get offered an unwanted cup of tea?

No, down a quiet country land overlooking a field.

Thanks for asking.

Lots of bullshit in that field?

Then don't go to a playgroup...

Even if they didn’t want to at that moment?
Or were a hitter/kicker?
Or felt overwhelmed due to SEN and were taking a break?
Or it was the 5685th time the baby had grabbed his shoes/hair/clothes?

It is how babies learn but it’s also how to teach toddlers that saying no when they don’t want to be touched/pulled/annoyed is absolutely fine too.

Horses, and no playgroups.

We don’t. Covered it up thread.

Personally no, but most 3 year olds would say get off if they were annoyed.

@Wishingplenty

it annoys me because it makes no sense 'no thank you'. 'Please don't touch me/my boots' ' please don't do that'

mind you, none of it makes sense to a baby 😂😂

times have changed so much, I think it's horrible. In the day, the 3 year old behaviour would have been managed, & performative the baby helped to make friends/be removed if the 3 year old looked like they'd prefer that.

"No thank you is perfectly polite.
Her 3 year old doesn't need to tolerate your baby."

This.
Especially with Covid around.
The baby will have to learn that not everyone wants unknown children invading their space - it's part of growing up.

Completely agree with this.

We only have one version of events here, and that is from someone who has demonstrated on this thread that she is hyperbolic - so unlikely to be a reliable, calm, measured reporter of the whole situation.

Get a grip.