When did you start disciplining your kid?

[WhenSunnyGetsBlue]

My baby is nearly 7 months. I've just started taking her to baby groups and it has so far been very positive. She's a very happy and enthusiastic baby. She screams with joy at the smallest thing. Just this week though I've noticed her starting to test some boundaries. I put her in her pushchair to go home and she started fussing because she obviously wanted to carry on playing. She intentionally threw her toy out the pram for the first time. I've also notice her snatching the spoon out my hand (as I'm preloading it for her) and she can play a bit rough. She is a baby but these behaviours cross my boundaries. Above all I worry that she will be too rough with other babies in classes so I want to teach her to be gentle. Am I expecting too much? Or is now the right time to start using the word 'no'. Obviously I'm not talking about punishment, but is 6/7 months a good age to start setting boundaries eg. If you throw the toy out the pram it goes under the pushchair until we get home.

What do you use the "naughty step" for with your 2 year old? Like, talk is through an example.

Oh my dear @WhenSunnyGetsBlue I think any adult who knows not about the word "of" should be disciplined. Preferably harshly.

I am a little confused as you keep referring to your "kid". Are you a nanny goat rather than a human mother?

I guess one has to make exceptions but where children are concerned it is understanding, firm but kind boundaries and setting examples. Scaling the heights like a little goat I think.

It's never too early to say no that's not what you do, and if repeated multiple times remove it

Does putting other people down make you feel better about yourself?

teatoast8 · Today 20:36
It really doesn't. Didn't do me or my siblings any harm.

Most 2 year olds have no idea why they are sitting on a naughty step,

'Didn't do me any harm' ah that old chestnut. It did do you harm, because it made you think that it's an okay way to treat a 2 year old. That's pretty sad.

At the age your child is, your job is to keep her safe.

This includes emotional safety, which involves providing a safe environment for her to explore so she doesn't hear the word No umpteen times a day.

So you shouldn't leave things out if they could harm her. You shouldn't wear a necklace that she could hurt herself chewing or make you sad if she broke the chain. You shouldn't wear dangly earrings that she could grab and make you say No, or Ow.

Your language here is making people suspect you have an adversarial attitude to your child. Your child is 6 or 7 months old, a baby in every way, and yet your mind is occupied with thoughts of "boundaries" and discipline and wasting opportunities to teach her instead of just being sensible about property of yours that you care about, and keeping her safe. The adversarial attitude comes from a place of deep anxiety that you are not addressing. This is why people are (rightly) critical.

I think you need to read up on normal child development and the needs of babies and children. I highly recommend the books of Dr William and Martha Sears on this topic.

Oh ,so you have absolutely no problems with expressing "negative" emotions. You have zero issues of self worth. You definitely felt listened to and supported during hard times and felt like your mum and dad were someone you could be completely open and honest with? You've never felt the need to hide and from them ever?

Never too early to start saying no. Even if they are too young to know what they are doing.

DS is closing in on 2 now but I think he was about that age when we started saying no.

If you say so. Anyway I'm done arguing with strangers on the Internet who think they know it's all. 👋

@mathanxiety brilliantly put

Does saying your 7 month old is pushing boundaries, when they're completely incapable of such things, make you feel better about yourself?

Nope never. I've got a great relationship with my mam and dad. Supporterd and loved :) never felt the need to hide.

Oh so you are 109% confident, secure and able to express yourself freely....

Mmmhmmm

It doesn’t work in the majority of kids though. Hence why most that do it have to keep going back to the naughty step…

That actually made me laugh 😊
Didn't realise it was a test!

Did people actually think I was referring to a human child? Of course it's my baby goat with all these punishable behavioural problems 🙄

And you don't have the same mother in another of your OPs that isn't supportive of you and your choices. There's definitely no issues there.

A 7 mth old baby does not "test boundaries" and they don't understand the concept of consequences. They act on impulse. If you don't want to see those behaviours, remove the opportunity for her to do them, she doesn't yet have the capability to "learn" not to do them. Absolutely you shouldn't let her hurt other babies, but this is very simple, if you see her trying to hurt another child gently remove her from the situation.

This is very concerning.

It is perfectly OK for a baby of 6/7 months to play boisterously. The fact that she cut your face accidentally is perfectly OK too, believe it or not. If you don't want play to progress to the point of scratching, etc, then it's s your job to set a gentler mood.

You're talking about her as if she's a monster who will embark on a wave of attacks on other children unless you stop her - a Babyzilla.

She is a normal baby. The fact that you ended up with a cut face is completely irrelevant and has nothing to do with her character or her future behaviour.

She is a baby. She's curious, playful, engaged, and exploring her environment. Accidents will happen. Nobody will judge you or her for normal behaviour. The vast, vast majority of people know what's normal and to be expected when babies get together.

You don't have to help her understand that the accidental cut to your face through boisterous play is "not ok". She is not capable of understanding that lesson and won't be for several years.

What is your job, however, is noting when she's getting overexcited or starting to grab, scratch, pull, push, etc, and protect her from that emotional state. You can back away a little, you can start to play patty cake or sing The Wheels on the Bus - babies are so easy to distract. You need to pay more attention to her moods and the telltale signs that she's getting overexcited. There is no need for a no or any kind of confrontation.

YES!

Yes. I'm secure and able to express myself freely.

I will put my hands up and say this, I am a first time mum. I am learning on the job as every mother in the planet had to do at some point. I want to raise a well behaved child who is honest and respectful. I don't have family support (hence why I post on mumsnet). My intentions are good. I have never punished my baby. I do not say No to her repeatedly (in fact I can't think of a time I have had to say no). As I begin to introduce her to babies it shocked me how rough she can be. I am learning this is normal behaviour for a baby but I still want to avoid these kinds of incidents. Whilst I understand that this is expected of a baby my original question was an attempt to understand when you can start correcting this behaviour (which would be unacceptable of say a toddler or child). I recognise my original interpretation was wrong,she isn't intentionally testing boundaries, she just finds it funny. But at the same time, pulling hair isn't a fun game.
I'll read the book - thanks for the suggestion. I'm not an ogre or an unloving, crazy, scary mother. I just don't want to be the mother of the child who smacks your toddler in the face at nursery with a toy truck.

I think you can start to disciple as soon as they're born, as long as you remember:

Discipline shares the root with the word “disciple.” It means to teach or to guide. It does not mean to control or punish.

Taking the toy that was thrown and putting it under the buggy to keep it safe shows that things that are dropped or thrown get stowed more securely.

Helping her take the spoon from you and use it herself guides her to use the spoon herself and control her own eating.

The word "no" is a funny one. They need to know what it means, obviously, but IMO they also need to know that it is only used when there's a proper reason and that the reason will be shared with them. Otherwise it just becomes an annoying word to avoid or ignore. Instead of "no", try saying what you'd like to happen instead. For example if she throws food on the floor, I wouldn't say "no", I'd say "food stays on the plate until we eat it so it is clean". If she pulls the flowers out of the vase, take them off her and say "flowers need water to live, so they stay in the vase" while shoving them back in.

"No" and "stop" and "naughty" don't mean anything. Correct her by explaining what should be happening.

Its pretty sad that you've gone to nosey at my posts. Wow one thing. I know she's just worried. Going the wrong way about it yes but other than that she is very supportive.

I just don't want to be the mother of the child who smacks your toddler in the face at nursery with a toy truck

None of us want to be that mother, but there is nothing you can do at your baby's current age, to mitigate that risk.