When did you start disciplining your kid?

[WhenSunnyGetsBlue]

My baby is nearly 7 months. I've just started taking her to baby groups and it has so far been very positive. She's a very happy and enthusiastic baby. She screams with joy at the smallest thing. Just this week though I've noticed her starting to test some boundaries. I put her in her pushchair to go home and she started fussing because she obviously wanted to carry on playing. She intentionally threw her toy out the pram for the first time. I've also notice her snatching the spoon out my hand (as I'm preloading it for her) and she can play a bit rough. She is a baby but these behaviours cross my boundaries. Above all I worry that she will be too rough with other babies in classes so I want to teach her to be gentle. Am I expecting too much? Or is now the right time to start using the word 'no'. Obviously I'm not talking about punishment, but is 6/7 months a good age to start setting boundaries eg. If you throw the toy out the pram it goes under the pushchair until we get home.

The root of the word discipline is the same as the root of disciples, and it's all to do with learning. Not punishment for mistakes in learning.

So yes, your DC should be your disciple and be learning from you all the time. And you should be explaining things to them all the time - some will go straight over their head, but some will stick; and the more you say and explain, the more will stick.

Explaining the natural consequences of actions (you can't play with something if you've broken it; you can't have my attention whilst I clean up this mess) is part of that.

Active sanctions don't really work until the DC is older and has a firm enough grasp of natural consequences to be ready to grasp the more abstract versions.

(PS: try not preloading the spoon for her when eating. It'll make a dreadful mess, but she'll learn from attempts at feeding herself).

@Substitutiarylocomotion thank you for this. Its exactly what I was getting at. I think the word discipline has negative connotations, you put it much better. Its about gently introducing the idea of consequences. What I cant understand are parents that let their baby snatch or pull another child's hair and then act like it's cute or 'they can't help it they're just a baby'. Surely that behaviour needs to be addressed? I think your solution is perfect.

@RoseAndRose This is great. I was wondering whether discipline was the right word but this was my intended meaning. For example, I'm a single mum, sometimes when Im having my own dinner, my daughter will be trying to get my attention. Even though she's tiny and can't understand, I look at her and explain that mummy's having dinner and we will play afterwards. She has to learn to be patient. I acknowledge her, but also life has to go on. She is getting much better at occupying herself whilst I get off jobs done etc. I felt so guilty at first but ultimately I don't have a choice.

Yes you're expecting too much.

Babies drop toys, it's an important/normal/typical stage of their development. Look up object permanence. Get/make a drop box, mine loved it. Won't stop them dropping everything though. Handing it back at this age isn't going to stop her doing it. Different when you have a toddler deliberately aiming a toy at your head - this is the time to confiscate it.

As for grabbing the spoon you could get 2, one for them and one for you and if you're comfortable let her dip/load hers if she's at this stage.

Far too young for discipline. They will snatch and grab to a point at this age whether you think it's acceptable or not. I'd go for redirection, gentle hands etc so she can learn what it means. I think I first started using 'no grabbing, gentle hands' and moved them back/hand away when they wanted to grab from other children/grab other faces but the reality is they all try to do it to each other.

With your examples I'd just keep toys on a tether when in the pram, let baby hold her own spoon (it can be a spare one without food on it) tie your hair up, and not wear a necklace.

But surely that removes all learning opportunities?

Yes, you are expecting too much, your fears are unfounded, and you are misinterpreting normal baby behaviour as a threat to your "boundaries" and other people.

Your baby is not your adversary.

She also should have a spoon to feed herself at this point.

She does have a spoon to feed herself. She does a great job too. I just help her load it occasionally, hence the snatching (which is just enthusiasm/excitement). She loves her food!

Fair comment about misinterpreting normal baby behaviour, I probably am. I just want her to grow up to be respectful and to understand boundaries.

Also "drop the toy" is a game. She isn't doing it because of boredom or defiance or because she knows it annoys you. She's inviting you to play the game with her.

A variation of the game is drop the spoon (from the high chair).

All babies do this.

Do you have any books on baby and child development?

Just this week though I've noticed her starting to test some boundaries

No, I don't think she is. At 7 months she's not pushing boundaries, she's just doing stuff she finds entertaining and/or interesting, like dropping things, grabbing a spoon etc.
Obviously you can still think "well I'm not picking that up again and again so I'll take it away", that's perfectly reasonable. But it's not holding a boundary at this age. You can say no if she hits, you can tie you hair back if she grabs it, but it's just about stopping the irritation for you in the moment rather than teaching a lesson about how to behave.

You could put her in her high chair and both eat together?

@mathanxiety I absolutely will be eating with her at the table now. I've only been weaning her less than a month. She's been having one 'meal' a day. For the first 6 months I was breastfeeding...so yes, there were times where I would eat on the floor with her next to me and she would have to be patient.

What you said about play...it seems blindingly obvious when you put it like that, but I honestly hadn't thought of it in that way. Thank you

Wait 6-12 more months

They absolutely do learn behaviours though - like if I throw this toy, mum with pick it back up though…

It s all play. As she grows model nice behaviour and praise her.
Negative behaviour remove her calmly say "no hitting" .
Don't shout unless it s life or death. She will copy you.
Sit her next to you when you eat give her spoon and some food or dry food to pick up or a book you can still chat to her while you eat . Modelling and practice for when you go sit in a cafe.
A baby who pulls hair does not grow to be a thug unless family around her are behaving like thugs.

I think people are being harsh op, I knew exactly what you meant and was wondering the same. My boy is 8 months and likes yanking my hair. I know he’s not doing it to be violent but that doesn’t mean I want him to carry on doing it - it bloody hurts for one thing! And I really don’t want him to start doing it to other kids or adults! I’ve been gently disentangling his grabby hands and saying ‘no’ but then I wonder ‘Am I being ridiculous, he doesn’t understand this does he?!’

But yes, it’s not about discipline but about teaching them that certain things are not done (whatever their intentions are, whether they’re just exploring the world or what).

So I don’t have the answer, I just wanted to say I understand.

You and the OP are over thinking things. Your babies don't have the capacity to do things to be naughty. They've barely existed on the planet for a minute.

Just untangle his fist from your hair, say no without a big frame, distract with something else. If it keeps happening and annoys you, tie your hair up.

There's no deep thought required.

• without a big drama

@banthebiglight I never said he was doing it to be naughty! I specifically said I knew he wasn’t! Maybe read things properly?

Yes I can tie my hair up but not every child/adult who comes into contact with him does.

It doesn't matter about other people's hair. He is an infant. You can't do more than stop him from doing it and distract.

Any form of discipline is pointless at this age. Say "no" and distract.

Babies pull hair, glasses, jewellery. You are still over thinking it.

@banthebiglight As I said in my original message, I do say no and distentangle him, as you suggest in your vast wisdom. All I was wondering was whether ‘no’ is even a concept such a young baby would understand (and I certainly never suggested trying to “discipline” him any other way for crying out loud! I never would!).

Not overthinking it, I don’t lie in bed worrying about it like. Was just wondering! And felt I should weigh in to defend op as she’s been getting slammed for wondering a similar thing.

And yes I know babies pull stuff - I have a baby, did I mention? Totally normal for them to do so of course, but there comes a point when I’d prefer he didn’t (if only to stop other mums giving me evils when he yanks their precious one’s hair out).

OP asked for advice and I'm giving it. If other mothers glare at you, they are imbeciles.

No, and redirect/distract is enough for infants. They can't learn the concept without hearing the word. Say no and move them on. There is nothing more to do at this stage and snooty mothers can go fuck themselves.

Just because their wee one isn't doing something they don't like at the moment, doesn't mean they won't start sooner or later.

Other forms of "discipline" and consequences come later. If you are saying no and moving swiftly on then there's nothing more you need to do.

You’re right about snooty mothers but as op mentioned earlier, it’s annoying when other babies do something (not maliciously but still inflicting pain on another child) and the mums are just like ‘oh he’s just playing’ or whatever, without even saying no and trying to distract or whatever. But anyway, let’s move on.

If by discipline you mean take things off them and say no then you start as soon as they are able to grab things you don't want them to grab and do things you don't want them to do.

If you're talking time out or the 'naughty step' then I dunno, four or so.

I used to chat all the time to my baby so if they grabbed something I probably say don't do that in a chatting to them way but I don't remember ever needing to actually discipline then even when they were older

Or I removed the item and moved on, think the bigger a deal is made about something the worse it becomes, I just sort of directed them what to do instead, hard to explain