When did you start disciplining your kid?

[WhenSunnyGetsBlue]

My baby is nearly 7 months. I've just started taking her to baby groups and it has so far been very positive. She's a very happy and enthusiastic baby. She screams with joy at the smallest thing. Just this week though I've noticed her starting to test some boundaries. I put her in her pushchair to go home and she started fussing because she obviously wanted to carry on playing. She intentionally threw her toy out the pram for the first time. I've also notice her snatching the spoon out my hand (as I'm preloading it for her) and she can play a bit rough. She is a baby but these behaviours cross my boundaries. Above all I worry that she will be too rough with other babies in classes so I want to teach her to be gentle. Am I expecting too much? Or is now the right time to start using the word 'no'. Obviously I'm not talking about punishment, but is 6/7 months a good age to start setting boundaries eg. If you throw the toy out the pram it goes under the pushchair until we get home.

She's way too young.

What you're talking about is natural consequences. It's totally normal for a baby to throw something as a reflex action to not liking something.
It's perfectly normal for children to throw things to initiate a game.

It's perfectly acceptable to not want to walk down the street constantly picking up toys that have been thrown and out them underneath.

I'd start looking for things that can be attached to pushchairs for the throwing stage. You can get books and mirrors etc from toy shops that meet this criteria.

i don't think a gentle 'no' or 'ah-ah' goes amiss before a reset, but its more to do with you forming a habit than them being capable of actually understanding at this age.

It's no different than if they grabbed your hair and you removed their hand with a 'don't pull'. Its how they learn language and the meaning of words without it being discipline at this point.

Just this week though I've noticed her starting to test some boundaries

Babies don't do this.

@poppyzbrite4 Thanks, but that doesn't answer the question. When would you suggest is an appropriate age to start disciplining a child?

A gentle no or kind hands comment isn’t discipline it would just roll off the tongue for me. But it wouldn’t be in anyway a telling off.

She’s way too young.
She’s not testing boundaries in your 2 examples. She just wanted to stay or hold the spoon. If she was testing boundaries then she’d be studying your face for a reaction because she knows that you won’t like what she’s doing.
The word no will become like a game to her in a few months. She’ll do stuff like crawl towards your unattended handbag and see if you spot her and react the same way she tried last time.
Putting the toy under the buggy won’t work. She will have forgotten about it very quickly and not even remember that you confiscated it.

toddler age is probably more when discipline comes into play- but even then gently

Disaplining - means consequence for bad behaviour ime.

Just say "no" and give it back. If they do it again out it underneath.

But seriously at 7 months old they don't have the emotional intelligence to be doing it to annoy you. It's a reflex. You need things attached to pram that can't be thrown.

oh and its definitely too soon to be using consequences like removing the toy, she is WAAAY too young to get that correlation of throw the toy=lose the toy.
if you get sick of picking it up, by all means don't give it back, but replace it with toys that attach to the pram.

I realise my post comes across as harsh. I'm not talking full blown discipline, more setting boundaries. For instance, I'm not going to let her put my necklace in her mouth or pull my hair. I don't want her to think hair pulling is a game and then go for some poor kid at a baby group.

Never. Just work on consequences.
Look up authoritative parenting and gentle parenting and typical baby behaviour
not authoritarian

Toys get tied to thepram . She is learning cause and effect
I throw my toy something happens
You should not be punishing a baby for being a baby
Show her desired behaviour
Be enthusiastic when she does things you like
Sharp no if she goes near a plug And divert to something else

I think at that age you need to react quickly, loudly and only if it’s life / death. The only time I have ever shouted at DS was when he was 8 mths old & figured out how to unfasten his car seat (while I was on an busy A Road). He even crawled over to try and come to the front. I screamed at him so loudly he crawled back inside and stopped even trying to get out of his car seat. He’s 4 now and he still waits for me to unfasten it - so the message has clearly stuck.

I wouldn’t fuss about anything else though. Plug sockets can be covered up. Spoons are important for learning how to eat (DS played with one since he was 3 weeks old) so provided he’s safe it’s fine

At your DD’s age just use distraction. You don’t have to explain why she can’t just lunge for a cup of coffee or whatever.

Be careful not to sue “no” too often or you’ll end up with a toddler who says no to everything that you ask and that will drive you mad.

Just this week though I've noticed her starting to test some boundaries. I put her in her pushchair to go home and she started fussing because she obviously wanted to carry on playing. She intentionally threw her toy out the pram for the first time.

this is literally just her exploring the world…Not testing boundaries
don’t put adult emotions on a baby.

by 12/14m when they understand a bit more we would say no and remove an object or move our child.
but even then only really to prevent them harming themselves and damaging something and even then it’s just a “No” <moves the spiky plant away> “okay where does this shape go”. We really didn’t even do that much as too much No is not good. So often it was a “let’s play over here” or just remove a toy

children don’t really understand until they are proper toddlers (like 2 year plus)

Seven month old babies can't test boundaries, OP. They're much too young.

They all go through a phase of throwing things. It's just fun. You shouldn't take their toys away if they do this because they are far too young to understand cause and effect.

I'd say that disciplining babies starts at about two years of age. But it needs to be gentle.

Disciplining only works once your child is old enough to understand that the undesirable behaviour is linked to a subsequent punishment. That is quite a complex, abstract concept.

I'd say 2 for immediate consequences - e.g. if you hit you will be removed from this situation, or if you throw the toy it goes away in the box.

But I think mine was 3.5 when I started using phrases like "if you do X, then the consequence will be no television today", because the lack of immediacy makes it more complex again.

Try to set you and your child up for success, (any age) so as people have said tie the toys on or don't give them ones that aren't suitable. Communication and relationship first, rather than control and discipline

9 months is the time to start discipline. It's also when they tend to start throwing their food plate on the floor etc! So lots of opportunities for a 'No thank you!' You can model lots of things at this age as they start to really mimic and copy their caregivers.

You don't "discipline " children. They are not dogs.

@marmaladeandpeanutbutter urghh. Disciplining isn't even the right word. I don't think I was very clear in my original post and the examples I used were admittedly bad. My real question is this...when can you teach kids to be gentle and set firm boundaries about what behaviour is acceptable and not? Can you start too young? I don't want my very happy and excitable kid to be snatching toys off others and being rough. I don't care if she's 7 months or 7 years it's not acceptable in my view. Im a first time mum (clearly) posting on mumsnet for advice because I don't want to mess this up.

She is a baby but these behaviours cross my boundaries.

Oh, OP... 🤦🏼‍♀️ 😂

Until around 1 year old, meet their needs and meet their wants. After that, meet their needs and manage their wants. That's all there is to it.

A baby under one needs redirected and distracted. A brief "no" is plenty, and swiftly move on. They don't do anything with intention or malice. Baby proof your home to minimise how often you need to say no.

You're in for a wild ride during the toddler years. Again, toddler proof everything so you're not saying no all the time, get them out in the fresh air doing physical activity as much as possible, and be firm but fair with logical consequences.

I don't think it's ever too early to gently introduce natural consequences (IE you hit the spoon onto the floor, now there's no more yogurt!) but would have extremely low expectations for these having any effect whatsoever for quite some time. as in, years!! But can't harm to lay the foundations early by vocalising when behaviour isn't ideal or removing her from a situation (i.e if she was snatching from a kid at playgroup I'd just gently take her a bit further away and say 'we don't snatch toys, let's find something over here to play with')

@TheShellBeach thanks. Like I said I don't take the toy away as a punishment. She has a toy attached to the pushchair but I like to give her the option. She will drop the toy when she's bored and that's fine, I just put it away so she doesn't keep dropping it. No drama. But today she squealed threw it on the floor and looked for my reaction. I just said "oh no, Sophie giraffes on the floor" and put it under the pushchair like nothing had happened. then showed her the toy attached to the pram. I'm not going to give the toy back to her so she thinks it's a game. 😅

Sounds very reasonable! That's not discipline imo, it's natural consequences.