How can I tell family(parents) we don't want to share pictures of our baby with them.

[1stpregnancywoes]

I know this may seem strange and some may disagree but it is our baby and we are very keen to make sure her privacy is paramount and she can't consent. Initially we shared images of our baby with family via WhatsApp. We told them no sharing online. One family member did not listen to this and shared the photo.
We now no longer even want to share images with family at all as people just can't be trusted.
My husband's parents have again asked to see pictures of her ( mind you they haven't even asked how she is in around 6 months (she is 6 months and 1 week old)

How can we word this? How can we tell people
We don't want to share any images of her online at all. And that when they come to our home that we do not consent to them taking pictures of her as we know they will show/share them.

Thank you in advance

Bonkers decision OP. Don’t be moaning on here in a few years time when they don’t offer to babysit or don’t ask how they are.

Your child is loved, their grandparents want to see pictures of them. Thats normal. My in-laws have never asked to see a picture of my kids and as a result my kids couldn’t care less about them.

I’d carry on sending pictures and say ‘don’t post on social media please…’

Send them one hard copy framed photo every three months with shiny glass that won't look good in any photo they take of it

What the hell is wrong with you

This is spot on.

I totally get your concern OP - DH and I are the same, no pics of the DC on social media. ILs were quite challenging at the start but agreed. If either of them had put a pic up, we’d have asked them to take it down and said if it happened again, no more pics (for a while at least, to show we meant it). But I don’t think you can have a blanket ban on all photos with all family, that is OTT.

I would stop sending pics to the individual who shared them online for a few weeks to show I was serious, but would keep sharing with others.

Just send them some pictures of a random baby you found on the net.

There is nothign ridiculous about it- we dont put our children photo on SM and neither does our family, but we can trust them.
OP had her wishes disregarded, sad people are piling in on her because of that.

What your relationship like with them otherwise? If they haven’t seen the baby is it because they haven’t made any effort or are you choosing to distance yourselves?

I don’t share on social media for obvious reasons, if a family member shared one against my wishes I’d not send them anymore personally, but I wouldn’t put all pics on lockdown for close family. It’s an extreme position to take without a significant backstory

Sounds about right 😃.

Remove the person who violated from the group and share with the others.

What you're proposing just sounds ridiculous and is a great way to ensure no-one gives you and your baby the time of day.

Are your in-laws the type of grandparents who want to look like doting grandparents with pictures on social media, but who otherwise don't really bother with your baby? If that's the case, I wouldn't share photos with them either, particularly if they are the ones who ignored your wishes not to post photos on social media.

How did people cope in the past without social media?
Grandparents can do the same now, by taking actual interest in the child and visiting in person.

You will get over this and realise in time how silly you're being. Enjoy your baby.

I don’t think you’re being ridiculous and I can appreciate you feel your boundaries have been trampled over. But like many things with family I think it’s worth accepting this if you want to foster relations. Itll be hard for them to be interested in a child they can see. And more generally it will create a lot of bad feeling. I’d reiterate to all you don’t want pictures shared and if that individual flouts that again then no more pics for them but don’t punish everyone

What a horrible thing to say about a baby even if you don't agree with what her parents are doing.

What’s the issue of putting the baby’s photo on SM anyway? What exactly are you worried might happen?

How did people cope in the past without social media?
Grandparents can do the same now, by taking actual interest in the child and visiting in person

Chances are they lived very close and saw their grandchildren very frequently.

Pictures of babies are being stolen and passes on social media in various shapes. A few years ago someone I knew found out photos of her children were used on the web by someoen writing porn child stories...

Hahahahhahahhahahahahha

@Tulipsareredvioletsarebue my parents live 400 miles from me. They take a very active interest in my children and would be devastated if I'd have said no photos. The OP is perfectly entitled to do whatever she likes but I'm amazed that neither she (or apparently you) can have empathy for her in laws, particularly if they aren't the ones sharing photos on social media.

Yes I agree with this. Give them another chance, but then if they break the no posting rule again, stop sending them to that individual but send to the others separately, they shouldn’t miss out.

I understand re social media. My daughter has been completely kept off it, the inlaws blame me, but it was actually DH that was set against it, he’s very private. However looking into it I find it absolutely mad that people do post pictures of their dc in this day and age and the risks.

People are giving OP a hard time, but wanting children off social media is a very normal request, and only she knows if their respective families are likely to continue to break their boundary.

Way too OTT OP! Completely bonkers! Absolutely no issue if you don't want photos online, you need to put that across very clearly. But to not allow your family to visit because they will take photos of their grandchild? Very strange!

Im going to swim against the tide of opinion......... I dont think you are being at all unreasonable op. Its your baby, your choice.
Mine were born before Insta, fb etc became such an "essential" in peoples lifes so this wasnt an issue for us thankfully.
Yes random strangers you'll see out and about will coo and aaah over your baby but thats not the same thing at all as family members sharing pics with all their random friends. Id let them have one now and then but not more - enough to maintain peace but also few enough to keep you happy.

In terms of how to word it I would...

• talk to the person who shared the photo to explain why this is important to you. Preferably not over text.
• bring it up in a soft way when others come to visit who have expressed confusion as to why this is important to you. As a generation who likely didn't grow up having everything shared online maybe they're just not aware of how bad it can be. Could have some general chats about smart phone free childhoods, digital footprints, tell them of those posts where teachers post something to see how far across the world an image will go. I'm crap at being subtle but maybe a bit of gentle education would help everyone be on the same page
• then reiterate your wishes that nothing is shared outside the WhatsApp group/posted online when sharing with family
• if it happens again then repeat.
• if it happens again then consider a different group for sharing photos of DC which doesn't include the person repeatedly disregarding your wishes

There are also apps out there where you invite family members to see an album of DC. We don't share on WhatsApp much because it's owned by Facebook and I don't like the small print about rights to the photos. We use an app called Family Album. It's free. I can control who has admin rights (IE only me and DH can upload or download from the album) and who has access. That way if someone was still ignoring your wishes (in this case they'd have to be screenshotting images to share) then you could just revoke their access to the app.

As unspeakably disgusting as that is...

Exactly what harm comes to the child in the photos, who is presumably no longer recognisable as that baby anyway?

I get that it is disgusting and all the rest, I do just mean specifically to the child in question, how does this hurt them?

I understand being careful with images of children who are recognisable and will be ever more so as they grow up, before they can consent to their images being shared, and I do think we are heading towards an epic shitstorm as the children of influencers and just 'oversharing thoughtless parents' in general, wake up and realise and get angry about how much of their lives their parents have made public...

But little babies, from 0 to around a year, are barely recognisable as the children and adults they become to anyone but their very close relatives (hell there are photos of me that i had to be told WERE me not my sister, as a baby). So I really don't see what harm can come to them (not distress to parents or other relatives, thats a seperate issue) from photos being shared in a fairly minimal way.